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Posts: 82

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Q: Are you being controlled by your stronger wife ?

I am a very traditional man ( coming from Middle East ) I don't want  to be controlled by the other best side of me !  I heard this from my GF telling me Chinese women who are stronger than husbands at work and  working ability are hard to obey their husbands and be controlled ! Do you agree with what she said ? BTW my mission behind  this question is not what  Al-Qaeda or what Taliban want women to do ! It's all about respecting each other and  dream together ! 

10 years 17 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
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Posts: 9631

Emperor

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Wait. Let me go ask...... My wife tells me your wife is correct.

 

But. The Chinese women are perceived as strong, but at the same time they are using the "weak" card a lot. There are some things that are different, and I only know the middle eastern culture a little so cannot comment on what differences there may be. 

It is normal that the woman runs the household, raise the kids and maybe work. It is the mans job to work and pay for everything. Anything the woman earns she is hers. 

Chinese women do enjoy some level of equality and the society does at some level promote equality. But it is also a society full of "things women cannot do" and there are lots of things surrounding the "little difference" in genders that I think is very invalidating to womens rights. Things like menstruation and childbirth have so much old wives tales that a woman can hardly do anything during those events.

 

All relationships are different, there will always be "a balance of power" (in lack of better words) This will depend on who people are.

 

Your real concern should not be being controlled by your GF, but rather that it will be your GF's mother who calls all the shots. 

 

Scandinavian:

remember to reverse the picture. if you GF were to move to your home country, how much would you want her to adapt?

10 years 17 weeks ago
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amjed:

thank you so much

10 years 17 weeks ago
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10 years 17 weeks ago
 
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I think it's not Chinese-specific, it's up to you and your GF to setup how your couple works. My wife is the traditional, Confucian kind, 100% educated in China in modest household, yet, without tensions, we manage to roll like that:

   * Shared control of our revenues, we decide together what we buy. Our money is pooled together and its under our common control, nothing done without consensus.
   * Parents have no control whatsoever on our way of life, they have consultative power only
   * Both of us do the house chores
It took some discussions, but thankfully, she's a rational person with whom conversations goes somewhere.

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10 years 17 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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I notice a strong contradiction in your sentences.

First you said "... are hard to obey their husbands and be controlled", then "It's all about respecting each other".

I understand that in your culture man and woman are not on the same level. Well, if you want to keep your traditional way, look elsewhere.

 

amjed:

i respect your point of view

10 years 17 weeks ago
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10 years 17 weeks ago
 
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Are you stupid? If you don't want to be controlled by her, then why did you marry her?

If you're so traditional, then why not marry another mid eastern?

And wtf is up with the Al-Qeida/ Taliban remark? 

 

belle_watson:

Very unenlightened comment.

10 years 17 weeks ago
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Englteachted:

Yes, I'm unenlightened. I am the one that made a decision to marry someone then complain about her to strangers.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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10 years 17 weeks ago
 
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  Am I being controlled by my wife? Yeh, but we have a safety word: 'Banana'. As in, "OWWW, THAT HURTS!!! TAKE OUT THE BANANA!!!!"

Scandinavian:

Are you sure it is not "Durian", your safety word ? ? ?

10 years 17 weeks ago
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amjed:

thx

10 years 17 weeks ago
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mArtiAn:

  No Scan, that's just what it smells like after the pull-out.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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10 years 17 weeks ago
 
Posts: 82

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englte !  i dont force you to answer my question but i ask you to be polite !! if you dont have something useful to say just shut up !!

Englteachted:

I don't know where you're from, but I choose what I post and where I  post it. If you don't like it go find a forum from your traditional middle east country. 

If you ask a stupid question about your "stronger wife" then I will give it the answer it deserves.

10 years 17 weeks ago
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amjed:

just go fuck yourself  breasts ! your personality just like your profile pic !

10 years 17 weeks ago
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royceH:

His personality is mesmerizing?

 

10 years 17 weeks ago
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Englteachted:

Wait my personality is just like my avatar? Perfect and attractive, attention getting, WOW, the best compliment I ever received.

10 years 17 weeks ago
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10 years 17 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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Let me see. I believe in equality. I'm not a huge fan of the general status of women in the Middle East. However, if you believe that your wife is stronger than you, it's a different matter. Does she respect your opinion? People should be equal. One person shouldn't control the other one.

amjed:

Thx . I believe in equality too

10 years 17 weeks ago
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Englteachted:

Exactly, why marry someone who is controlling then go online and complain about her? 

 

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Amjed:
I have a lot of Middle-Eastern friends so I’ll take a stab (no pun intended) at answering your question.
If you want a 100% traditional wife (stay-at-home, look after the kids, cook, clean, no outside work) then you should expect her to manage the household (all finances, upkeep, repairs, purchases, needs vs. wants). I would venture to say that this is impossible to find or expect in any Chinese woman under 40 today – they’re used to doing what they want and being pampered.
In contemporary Chinese society, the man will still pursue an ernai (mistress) if he is so inclined. The difference today is that women will also look outside the marriage for her emotional and sexual needs if they are not being met at home.
DrMonkey seems to have a great situation but my experience tells me that you can expect the woman to kowtow to her parents and even divert your family money to her parents (which is not at all traditional – this is what the ‘bride fee’ is supposed to do).
Chinese women are not exactly like their stereotypical western counterparts – demanding, hypocritical about gender roles , but they do bring a different set of problems to the table: they can have no concept of money (how to save, wise-purchasing decisions), they have no training in household management (having their parents {or grandparents} do everything for them , little or no self-control (sajiao – public displays of whining, pouting or otherwise embarrassing their man as a way of getting him to prove his love and affection for her).
In the best-case scenario (50/50), you’d have to have a hell of a lot in common including: cultural perspective, values, morals, religion or religious beliefs, family upbringing, ideals, interests, hobbies, goals, ambitions, child-rearing ideals…you get the idea.
I’ve been married twice in China (first marriage three years, second one going on six years). It has not been ideal (the stress of living in China far outweighs the benefits and my wife and I argue over things that would be completely trivial in the west).
A final thought on ‘tradition’…remember that the Cultural Revolution pretty much destroyed the concepts of tradition and interpersonal relationships. Confucian values, much in vogue today, are a bastardization of Daoist values. You will always be an outsider and your 50/50 dream will start to become more lopsided over time.
Good luck whichever way the wind fills your sails!

amjed:

Thank you soooooooooo much  sinobear . I love your answer and I think you experienced a lot from this society . Thanks again 

10 years 17 weeks ago
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Amjed, I hope you find your great wife. By the way, why do you write something about Al qaeda?.

amjed:

Please focus on the topic ! I just mentioned the extremists to avoid misunderstanding me !

10 years 17 weeks ago
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Englteachted:

Because he is not really from the middle east. No one from the middle east would say something that silly. 

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