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Posts: 2531

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Q: Are you a nut bag foreigner?

Yeah, you probably wouldn't know or admit it if you were but I am sure we have all met our fair share of the certified nut bag foreigners. Oh, you want examples? 

 

1) Canadian hums like a refrigerator when on a computer in the teacher's ESL room and goes outside to pet tree leaves and wander around talking to himself. 

 

2) Australian guy that is on the run from the lesbian police. Apparently, he is a wanted criminal because he slept with his girlfriend and she told the "lesbian police". Guy lived in Korea for a long time, came to China... got booted out for being a nut. Back in Korea (apparently they like his kind). 

 

3) Irish women (middle aged) that was hungering for a Chinese man to take care of her and be her sugary daddy. Problem is she was like 50 and fat. But the kicker is that she thought she was amazingly hot/smart and came to China because she couldn't get a cashier job back in the U.K.

 

4) English guy that is a total sociopath and likes getting other foreigners beat up in bars by telling Chinese guys (in Chinese) that the new foreigner (new ESL teacher) said something about their mother. Likes to fondle and make out with girls in the office constantly and puts other ESL teachers and himself down constantly.

 

Yeah, so I took a bunch of examples to show you guys that there are nut jobs from every country (not that you didn't already know). So what's your story? Are you a nut bag? Have you met any certifiable crazies here in China and what did they do?  

9 years 29 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Dammit, this is yet another list I didn't make it onto. 

Robk:

Yeah, you need to try harder. 

 

Like the foreigner that got hammered and went outside to the hotel parking lot and started jumping up and down on a black BMW, smashing the hood and then proceeding to relieve himself while the owner watched. 

 

Or the guy that decided it would be a good idea to sit naked in the middle of the road and meditate, while another foreign guy ask him what the hell he was doing...

9 years 29 weeks ago
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Scandinavian:

let's see what I can accomplish by going down to get more beer, the fridge is all empty

9 years 29 weeks ago
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Scandinavian:

turns out nothing. did get me some brew

9 years 28 weeks ago
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9 years 29 weeks ago
 
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Just a few more quick ones to get the ball rolling. 

 

- guy is trapped in his apartment for months, claim ghosts lives in the light bulbs, scares the Chinese HR pretty badly and they kick him out of China

 

- older woman, constantly calls in sick for work because every week she has a new disease from heart failure to whatever illness you can name under the sun... starts getting mad at the school for telling her maybe it is best she returns home. Finds a new school, repeats process

 

- crazy Canadian guy goes nuts in traffic and runs into Chinese driver on purpose and tries to kill him, constantly getting into fights and then goes to 5-star hotel to drink Mojitos and White Russians... HAHAHA just messing Mike. 

 

 

mike695ca:

Hey no worries! Ya kinda made me look good there!

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9 years 29 weeks ago
 
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You have to be mad to live here wink.

 

Craziest thing I done was run down a traffic jam telling the busses to switch their engines off because they were causing pollution .

mengxing:

So glad I am not alone in getting frustrated everytime this happens!

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Middle-aged woman: looked like Cousin It from the Adams Family. Refused all assistance from other foreigners living in the same enclave - insisted she was going to live in a hutong like the Chinese (against the law in Beijing at the time). Blew up at students who asked her questions ("How dare they challenge my authority?"). Admitted to losing a camera that she borrowed from a "friend" back home but then starting accusing the cleaners in the teacher's dormitory (of which she was the sole resident) of stealing it. During what was to be her exit interview, she lied through her teeth to the vice dean regarding what she was told her teaching duties would be.I steepled my fingers as is my custom when having to listen to bs. She phoned another teacher afterwards and said that she needed an escort back to the dormitory because, "He made a gun out of his fingers under the table and indicated that he is going to kill me."

 

A teacher arrives fresh out of uni. Doesn't have the actual degree because he still owes money. Tells me that he's not too comfortable teaching computer-based courses. No problem, I give him classroom-based courses. Totally incompetent and tells the students he doesn't know why I gave him classroom classes when he's a master on software courses. Refused to answer phone calls from his mother (!!!) back home because the uni wants its outstanding money. Eats lunch with a student at the restaurant right across from the main gate of the college and right at the window table to boot. Offers to "...beat the f**K out of anyone who dares insinuate that (he) is dating said student." After he is transferred (I wanted to fire him outright but the school admin in all its wisdom chose to transfer him) and then subsequently fired, the girl's parents want compensation from the school because he was living with the student at an apartment that they were paying for.

 

A very-well known "teacher" who actually has several publications in certain ESL circles that convinces every uni director gullible enough that movies, and only movies, are the only way to teach English. Has a PhD in one of the most obscure disciplines you'll ever hear of (not basking-weaving but not far off, either).

 

A friend of Rob's #2. Was in Korea, sued the Korean gov't for discrimination (!!!!!!!!!!) and lost (go figure!). Came to China broke. Was sheltered and fed by a gullible soul then demanded further compensation for basically displaying his mental problems to everyone.

 

Another cast-off from Korea. A well-heeled fellow who actually comes from a family of higher social-standing and wealth. Polite as royalty in emails and on the phone. Turns out that the little Napoleon is a student of "The System" and attempted to sleep with absolutely every and any female within eyeshot.  Any male, he just wanted to fight.

 

Yet another cast-off from Korea (jeez, is there a pattern here?). Fully briefed as to what we were doing at our center, the level, abilities and restrictions of our students, what he would be doing, yada yada yada. Asked 850000000 questions and had 850000000 questions duly answered. Reported for work and proceeded to flip out about how he was lied to and deceived (said the students were not "ready" for a teacher like him and he's just too "advanced" for the common folk). Terminated within his probationary period and proceeded to have a melt-down. Threatened to sue everybody and their grandmother and go to the U.N. After he left, it turns out that he forgot to erase all of his personal files from the company laptop. Well, it turns out that he has a six-year history of pulling the same crap in China.

 

Me? I had my own business back home, a fiancee with a PhD and a cottage with a lakefront property. I gave it all up to stay in China. I would say that I am definitely the biggest nut job that I know.

coineineagh:

nice read-through

9 years 28 weeks ago
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louischuahm:

winkBravo Sino! You are indeed on the road to becoming one, as I will be soon. Cheerios! 

9 years 28 weeks ago
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ScotsAlan:

Depends what her PHD was in.

 

If it was an 'ology, fair play to you.

 

If it was in brewing.... your a nutter .

 

 

9 years 28 weeks ago
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Sinobear:

Biopharmaceuticals. Works for Bayer.

9 years 28 weeks ago
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Robk:

Nice. Yeah there is a pattern with nut bags from Korea coming here because they were cast out of Korea. 

 

The second one just sounds like a naive kid, I see lots of young foreign guys pull that with their students (high school and college). It's very unsavory and usually results in an immediate plummet in their reputation but hey... they're happy lol. 

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Haven't met so many expats, so I don't have much real anecdotes. But recently I was sent to hand out leaflets with staff at a kindergarten school down the road. A colleague tells me that's where an American was once working, who I had met a couple times.

That guy was constantly asking for advice about teaching and dating. I proceeded to help him with both. In one instance, I assured my wife that he's decent enough (in behaviour) to introduce to one of her classmates. Big mistake. I send a photo of said classmate (gorgeous) on to him, and he decides to call it all off AFTER seeing her picture. Some lame excuse about her being too young (21, not virgin, just 5-6 years younger than him).
My wife doesn't know how to explain it to her classmate, and is angry at me for trying to help him. My only hope is that he developed a conscience once it was clear it was a real traditional introduction-through-friends. Those often lead to marriage in China.

Later I got some drunken text messages from him when he had a new job in Chengdu, and I quote: "Had major problems so I made a run for China. Problems with the law. I can be sent to jail if I return. I got a background, so i am trying to stay clear from that. I got a fake degree. Only scan copy, not a hard copy.. I guess I am kind of a scoundrel."

OK, now for the punchline: While I was handing out leaflets to parents, they voiced their mistrust of me. Although a wanted criminal was once working with their kids, they had the bollocks to accuse me of being a pedophile.

Typical isn't it? Awareness of a dangerous form of child abuse is finally making its way to China, but they still see it as a "THEM" problem. Not the Chinese staff who want to work with young children, or even the foreign criminal who actually WAS teaching them, but the laowai father of two whose only decent income option is to do humiliating shows for their little 'angels'.

Oh, and there were 2 other Americans, they were more normal. Both from South Georgia, though they hadnt met until I introduced them. They guy was high as a kite at that meeting, and he told the old woman that he bought his weed in Chengdu. "Is it good?" "No."
The old lady carried a knife in her handbag for lack of a gun. Now that's one thing you don't need in China: access to a hand weapon while you walk these infuriating streets full of rude a-holes!

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For once, I don't fit into the crazy category!

WOOHOO!

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My side of the story...last posted previously in another thread...

 

Pakistani guy recruited to teach Biology. Agreed on all points on the contract, got the keys to the apartment, moved in. Next day, he says he's got to go back to Pakistan because some relative passed away. Ok, no big deal. 3 days later he was spotted in the pedestrian mall with a lady....shopping! What happened to the relative? Revived? And he didn't come back, still owes us the keys to the apartment and the teaching materials!

 

Another dude from the Bahamas. Got him to teach Oral English, nice accent. Signed tne contract. Next day, he comes by and says sorry, he signed without knowing what the job was??!!

 

Last week, interviewed an American chap. All nice and good. Wifey is a rectruiter, negotiate everything for him. Took a whole week of calls from him and her answering a zillion questions. Then today he calls and says sorry they are not coming because they want to settle something back home. AFTER we've declined everyone else! And classes for for him starts next week! Where am I going get a replacement within that time? 

 

Nutbag? No! Morons! Yes!

 

 

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I've met some true sexual deviants here. One in particular had quite the penchant for hookers and was quite outspoken about it. In fact, he would debrief new arrivals with  countless stories of his whoring past including his claim to fame of "accidentally" banging a tranny in Thailand. According to him, he had been rounding third base with the tranny at which point he realized it was a man and decided to just go with it and hit a home run. To top it off, he then  slept with a 14 year old hooker that same night. The sick part was that she was the same age as some of his students (well it would be sick no matter what he did for a living). 

 

Now I'm generally quite open minded and non-judgmental when it comes to a man's sexual fantasies but an admitted pedophile teaching kids? That is just wrong. You would think that it wouldn't be something to brag about but it was actually the way he introduced himself along the lines of "Hey, welcome to China. My name is..... I banged a tranny and a 14 year old in the same night in Thailand".  

 

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  Awwww, the only foreigners I meet are hurried lawyers, investors, or jet-lagged potential customers. My boss talk with them, I just shake hands, smile and I go back to my office and my computer. Those guys are "boring"... There are foreigners working around, imported researchers/engineers, but I never got to talk with them. I feel that "Ho, so you are not Asian, so I gonna talk with you, we are special" is not a great motivation. My wife teach Mandarin to foreigners, she never had nutcases so far.

 

  I think I'm a bit cranky at times. When tired and depressed, I might tell to someone driving wrong way if he/she knows where the hell is the correct side. Or ask someone to stop driving on the walkway. The worst I did was to pick a bottle thrown out of a car, throwing it back inside the car. The guy shouted "something something laowai " and threw it again. When I go running, some guys can be annoying, like laughing and shouting "YI, ER, YI, ER". A couple of times, I stopped and told them in broken Mandarin that I was tired of the unwanted attention, after 3 years living at the same place. So yeah, I might have been a crazy laowai.

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Of course I am a nut-bag foreigner. I cross-dress as Victoria1987, cross-species-dress as DrMonkey, and I'm even xinyuren, a black guy, when I feel like it. I have so many personalities I don't even remember them.

 

Sometimes I'm from Scandinavia, somewhere in communist Europe, and I do crazy socialist things like post here about free health care and safety.
 

I am certifiably crazy. I am a lunatic serial killer, forum troll, and I'm awake 24/7 to post on all of my identities.. Oh, and I'm so crazy I make up nothing but lies all the time on this site. I need therapy. I am a pathological-lying, multiple-personality-disorder-having, schizophrenic son-of-a-bitch. I might even be bipolar, have NPD, BPD, HIV and OPP (yeah you know me).

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I might appear to be so. I live around all locals and do not often see whiteys, but cannot speak the language fluently so live kind of in my own world, but socialize online etc. Not a misanthrope but happy in solitude for now. It probably looks nutbaggish to most westerns, but ppl here leave me alone mostly (or are otherwise friendly, mostly) and I am busy with projects so it is fine.

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I helped a friend of my former roommate clean up her apartment when she moved in.  The room had belonged to an American for a year before she took over the room. 

We opened one of the closets to find bottle after bottle of piss.  It was like he had been saving it up for a year.

DrMonkey:

Reminds me of Howard Hugues :p

9 years 28 weeks ago
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coineineagh:

Was he fermenting his own ammonia to save money on washing powder?

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