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Q: Is China a tougher place to be for female expats?

There seem to be more guys than girls on this site. I've also worked with a lot more guys than girls here. It also seems that guys generally stay here longer than girls. Do you agree? If you think that China really is a tougher place for female expats, why is that?

11 years 6 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
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It seems to me that China is generally a tough place for females.

 

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11 years 6 weeks ago
 
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There are also far more Chinese men than women, because of the ridiculous one child policy.

 

For guys, there is no end of willing Chinese women to keep them happy, so maybe that is why they stay longer.

 

Most western women I have met have found Chinese men extremely unappealing, because of bad habits, poor personal hygiene and pathetic attitude towards women. Maybe that is why they leave earlier, or don't come at all.

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11 years 6 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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In my highly biased opinion, there is a different level of expected effort one must input into a relationship to keep it going. I ask that you forgive what might be perceived as misogyny in my post, as a male I do not know much about female's attempts to find a better husband, so it will seem like I'm saying that men are the only ones who work to 'obtain' a more fit spouse. Also, the teacher whose job I have taken over was an American women who is now happily married to a Chinese man, so I in no way mean to speak in absolutes. Happiness is measured by individuals, and generalizations and statistics do not apply to a single person or couple if you choose not to let them.

 

In America, I believe the effort of the man has increased at a rate relative to women due to second wave feminism and simple dating mechanics of having multiple sexual partners before marriage. The effect is that men must work harder for their fitness to compete for what they perceive as the best women.

 

The traditional structure of dating in marriage in China lends itself to women having as few sexual partners as possible due to heightened slut shaming, etc. Because of this; the more highly patriarchal society in general, and that feminism hasn't quite reached the Middle Kingdom yet- men in China have a lower standard of competition for their wife than do men in the west.

 

How can you tell? Imagine a typical Chinese man, we will call him a 5/10 in appearance. He showers twice a week, he believes flossing is 'unhealthy', his salary is 3000RMB/month, he has a very strong relationship with his mother and is an only child  largely responsible for his parents' financial and emotional security. In the eyes of a western woman, the overabundance of western men have conditioned her to see this new person as average in appearance, but lacking hygeine and incapable of serving as a provider for her and her potential children.

 

These problems are far less likely to affect a western man seeking a Chinese woman for a few reasons. Firstly, men interested in or tolerant of Chinese culture are more likely to be traditional, thus more likely willing to fill the role of a provider or 'bread winner', meaning the vast difference in salaries between US and Chinese workers suddenly becomes irrelevant. Secondly, for a variety of reasons it would be easier to alter the unsuitable habits of a Chinese woman than the reverse- getting a Chinese woman to shower and shave her legs would be a much simpler task than getting a Chinese man to stop drinking, smoking, going out with his friends as often, to earn more money, have better hygeine- and all without hurting his precious 'face'.

 

Now, imagining for a moment that said Chinese man has a good job in a big city and is up-to-date on hygenic practices, there are still some potential issues. First, he's going to have a tough time conveying that fact (hygeine, job stability, manners, etc.) to potential mates, there is a 'small' perception to certain things located between legs which may or may not matter, but more importantly the stereotypes and perceptions of Chinese men alone can prevent western women from giving them their attention in the first place.

 

Why would this make a difference for western women? Marriage certainly isn't in the forefront of every single woman attempting to visit another country, right? Of course not, but it plays enough of a role to have an effect. As a personal anecdote: I am a 22 year old male with parents who were happily married until my father's death. Whether or not I like it, that had such a profound effect on my development that I will be searching for the perfect wife to share a happy life with. Seeing two people in a long term marriage be happy every day (or at least more happy than any other emotion) is a very powerful thing, for me at least. I would not spend multiple years of what I see as my 'spouse hunting decade' (20-30ish) in a place where I do not think it likely to find a suitable spouse. I would not spend 22-26 in Cameroon, because I just do not find myself attracted to the appearance, customs, or habits of the women of that place (no offense Cameroon women, I'm sure you will find someone for you). So, I don't blame young, unattached western women for not coming here. And as another anecdotal bit, the western women who I have met here are either older (40+), married/in a long term relationship, or both.

 

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Thumbs up Amonk. For somebody of your age that's a deep and objective thought. I would have tried to understand why do you think so and maybe I wouldn't have found the reason. When you said you will be looking for the perfect wife because you found your parents happy in their marriage- that's what made me understand you have a strong set of values, hence moral values. You have a model to follow, the happiness of your parents as husband and wife that may have unleashed in your mind and heart the moral values and emotional stability. Thus you have been inspired to believe in the chance to enjoy at least the same happiness.Pursuing a perfect wife it means becoming a perfect man. Beyond the superlative of the picture, it is possible to enjoy a perfect marriage relation, because you have seen it the every day of your life in your family, until your father's died. BTW. I am sorry for the loss of your father. I hope you will keep it this way and don't lose yourself in the traps of the life. I hope you will work hard on yourself to become this perfect man. Thanks for your post. 

11 years 6 weeks ago
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Amonk:

Thank you for understanding, and I appreciate your insight. You are definitely right about becoming the perfect man, I believe very strongly in self-improvement. You're either moving or you're dead. There's a great line from "Good Will Hunting" that I like a lot. "You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other." I think that the best way for two people to become a strong and happy couple is for each of them to be strong and happy people as individuals, but even more so when they find each other.

11 years 6 weeks ago
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11 years 6 weeks ago
 
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I'll come back to your main question in the morning (when I'm competely sober).

 

For now: the number of female expats versus male expats on this site. How many posts are from white guys complaining about their Chinese wives/girlfriends and women in general? It's a high percentage, and I'm sure it puts off new female expat posters.

Hulk:

I have very little complaints about my wife, if at all. Sometimes we have disagreements, but that's it.

11 years 6 weeks ago
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Scandinavian:

I too have zero complaints about Hulks wife. I do not complain about my wife, maybe her friends, but certainly not her. 

11 years 6 weeks ago
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Amonk:

Yeah Hulk's wife is awesome, hence why I asked whether she has a sister.

11 years 6 weeks ago
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MissA:

True, Hulk, that does not include you

11 years 6 weeks ago
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Hulk:

She does have a sister. I forgot his name. Let's just call him fuckface.

11 years 6 weeks ago
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11 years 6 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2494

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Compared to males the female counterpart always has it more difficult. Their struggles are a lot tougher than men in my opinion. Women struggled for years just to be able to vote and work just like men. It's always that way it's history!

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11 years 6 weeks ago

There are cookies, bookies and too many rookies for me to sit here trying to be a hooky! Looky Looky don't call me a wooky. Touchy Touchy Feely Feely Spicy Spicy Nicey Nicey & that's what the doctor Ordered!!

 
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When I first looked at this question, I thought I'd need to write an epic novel in response. Actually, after thinking about it, the answer is really rather simple: no. And nor do men have it tougher, I'd say its about equal.

 

Yes, women are looked on as inferior by many Chinese, and this attitude is somewhat applied to us girls, which is thoroughly irritating, obviously. I

 

But that's balanced by the fact that foreign guys are kind of viewed with suspicion: oh, he's only here because he can't get a girlfriend back home; oh he must be a loser who can't get a job; oh he must be an alcoholic....

 

Maybe it's harder for single foreign girls that it was for me, though, I don't know.

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11 years 6 weeks ago
 
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