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Posts: 879

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Q: Chinese Beliefs & Practical Implications

 

We have all accepted by now that “Chinese bodies are different” and “hot water cures everything”.

 

What is the single most ludicrous superstitious or health-related claim you have heard?

Were it true, what implications would it have in the real world?

 

My friend’s grandmother told her that coffee can make you pregnant. What I love about this is the combination of foreign paranoia and non-comprehension of science (unless of course Chinese coffee has a high sperm count and is administered vaginally).

 

Implications of this immortal piece of Chinese wisdom:

 

1. If you’re a Chinese girl and get pregnant, you don’t have to admit to your parents that you had sex. Just tell them you drank coffee. No biggie.

 

2. Regarding the Christian “Immaculate Conception” story: SO WHAT? It happens in China all the time.

 

3. Starbucks should put more warnings on their drinks. “Contents hot” is kind of missing the point. “May cause babies to grow in your tummy” would be a bigger concern for most customers.

 

4. Does the type of coffee determine the type of baby? If an espresso got you pregnant will your offspring be short and black? I think most Chinese women would prefer tall and white. Note to Chinese women: Order a vanilla latte instead.

 

8 years 24 weeks ago in  Health & Safety - China

 
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Shifu

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I best one I ever heard is crazy and funny as hell. A Chinese woman I know was pregnant and her mother told her she had to get rid of her dog, why? Her mother said that someone she knew had a dog whilst pregnant and because of this the child was born with... A DOGS PAW!!! I don't understand the logic of that story, did the dog manage to change some of the unborn babies DNA or something? Old women in China don't care about the method, only the result. The mother obviously thought it would be a danger bringing up a baby with a dog and instead of explaining this to her daughter she just lied and manipulated her daughter. Typical Chinese parenting.

Kaiwen:

I've heard about dogs being born with human features (not the other way round) but Damien Thorn 666 wasn't a real kid - I hope .

8 years 24 weeks ago
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Samsara:

 

Hahaha. What an outrageous lie!

 

Chinese people A) make up whatever nonsense is convenient for them, and B) believe everything they are told by other Chinese.

 

These two attributes aren't the most fortunate in tandem.

 

8 years 24 weeks ago
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Shining_brow:

I suspect someone mis-understood the concept of 'doggy-style' :p

 

"When I said I slept with your best friend, I wasn't talking about Zhou..."

8 years 24 weeks ago
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8 years 24 weeks ago
 
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Posts: 1838

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The "if you don't eat main food as the Chinese refer to it (rice, noodles, steamed bread etc.), you will starve".

 

This may have been true in the past when the ONLY food available was to so called "main food" but, as I have told many Chinese, nobody will starve if they stuff themselves with a variety of other foods but then refuse the "main food". It may give rise to a range of other health related problems, including obesity, if the meal is not balanced but it will not result in starvation.

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8 years 24 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1059

Shifu

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protein and creatine  are drugs

BlightyMatt:

Some misguided English ppl think this too....you know Morons!

8 years 24 weeks ago
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8 years 24 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1098

Shifu

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Eating crab and anything tomato based in the same meal is toxic and will make you violently ill. No why.

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8 years 24 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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Me, " Hey (Boss) I'm going to take a sick day, I have a fever and I need to rest."

 

Boss, "Ok, feel better. Don't eat so many spicy food!"

 

Implications: Everyone in Mexico, Southeast Asia, and Sichuan are feverish everyday or immune to the condition.

 

Me, "Hey (Boss), what kind of tea is that?"

Boss, "Chinese Medicine tea, it helps reduce your inner wet."

Me, "...Does it taste good?"

Boss, " No. It's medicine."

 

Implications: Chinese bodies are so different that when they become too hydrated, they have to drink special tea in order to sweat or urinate. Seriously, how could someone think that it's possible for the human body to contain too much water without naturally solving the problem?

 

My Boss is a super nice lady, and I enjoy working with her, but she's all about that shit.

Lord_hanson:

I too have a boss like that. I like how they worry about the rain and wind. If all that was true then I don't know how people survive in the UK. That is a normal day in my hometown.

8 years 24 weeks ago
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Shining_brow:

Sorry to burst your bubble - but 'wet' would be a mis-translation of 'damp'. And, no, it's not the same as 'water'.

8 years 24 weeks ago
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WooMow:

So her insides were too "damp"? Still sounds dubious at best, I think my bubble remains intact.

8 years 24 weeks ago
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8 years 24 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2231

Shifu

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If coffee doesn't work try this miracle wine, a Xian specialty. If you don't believe it ask one of the terracotta warriors there.

8 years 24 weeks ago
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Samsara:

 

Holy shit. 

 

Christian miracle wine = Transmuted water. Good vintage though.

 

Chinese miracle wine = Vinegar with a dead animal in it.

 

I'll stick to coffee and risk pregnancy, thanks.

 

8 years 24 weeks ago
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earthizen:

You are what you eat, chinese believe that too, except literally. That's the descendants of dragons' secret recipe to produce dragons!   Look at the flag of Ching dynasty, and that lizard in the jar. If you want to produce chocolate and not lizzies the Illuminati may have something to say about that, but I say that's very sweet!  

8 years 24 weeks ago
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8 years 24 weeks ago
 
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I got the forefinger shaken at me for eating mango AND pineapple at the same time by my colleague. "Bad for healthy" Stupid me didn't know that is toxic.

Sorry, gotta go and drink some hot water

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8 years 24 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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I best one I ever heard is crazy and funny as hell. A Chinese woman I know was pregnant and her mother told her she had to get rid of her dog, why? Her mother said that someone she knew had a dog whilst pregnant and because of this the child was born with... A DOGS PAW!!! I don't understand the logic of that story, did the dog manage to change some of the unborn babies DNA or something? Old women in China don't care about the method, only the result. The mother obviously thought it would be a danger bringing up a baby with a dog and instead of explaining this to her daughter she just lied and manipulated her daughter. Typical Chinese parenting.

Kaiwen:

I've heard about dogs being born with human features (not the other way round) but Damien Thorn 666 wasn't a real kid - I hope .

8 years 24 weeks ago
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Samsara:

 

Hahaha. What an outrageous lie!

 

Chinese people A) make up whatever nonsense is convenient for them, and B) believe everything they are told by other Chinese.

 

These two attributes aren't the most fortunate in tandem.

 

8 years 24 weeks ago
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Shining_brow:

I suspect someone mis-understood the concept of 'doggy-style' :p

 

"When I said I slept with your best friend, I wasn't talking about Zhou..."

8 years 24 weeks ago
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8 years 24 weeks ago
 
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the one that really rubs me the wrong way is the way they tie that darn little piece of red cloth to their cars. s**t, that just bugs me for some reason!  I guess it is just the fundamental inherent contradiction- utilize high-tech science (automobile) then turn to superstitious primitive BS (red cloth) in the same breath.

Stiggs:

What worries me about the red cloth on the cars is the fact that the driver seems to have put his faith in good luck rather than decent driving. It doesn't matter if you pull a u-turn in front of a speeding bus because you have red rags on your car so it'll be ok.

8 years 24 weeks ago
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RandomGuy:

This has been a serious problem for China in the past. At some points in history, great Chinese minds developed amazing pieces of technology, then handed it to the leadership so it can benefit the nation. Other people, the average Zhou, screwed up everything because instead of listening to the inventor and following his guidelines on how to use it, they put their faith into whatever superstition they were in or some shit like that. Luckily China didn't have nuclear reactors back then, imagine the scene "put some lemons in it and everything will be fine", Zhou doesn't care, goes to take a nap on his work shift because everything will be fine thanks to the lemons, then KABOOM!!!.

8 years 24 weeks ago
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Shining_brow:

Nuclear reactors will be fine - they produce a lot of hot water! :)

8 years 24 weeks ago
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I was told over the weekend I shouldn't eat lamb chops, because it is not winter yet and it will make my body warm; it should only be eaten in winter.  WTF!  In my home country we eat them whenever you feel like it, and often too, so I did it and nothing happened. I guess my body is different. 

iWolf:

You ate lamb chops and it wasn't winter? angry WTF !!  Are you a crazy man?

8 years 24 weeks ago
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royceH:

Lamb chops in China??  C'mon fellas....I've gotta pull you up on that one...

8 years 22 weeks ago
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8 years 24 weeks ago
 
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If coffee can make you pregnant. -

 

China will need to implement a 1 cup policy. - or, just to be safe, 2 girls, 1 cup Laughing out loud

 

Then - who would be the father?

 

And, can men get pregnant???

 

That would be turning coffee beans into human beings.

yongge:

Well, a lot of the human beings here already have the intelligence of coffee beans.

8 years 24 weeks ago
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Samsara:

 

If coffee can make you pregnant, can I count coffee as a sex partner? If so, Samsara has had more than twenty thousand sex partners.

 

Considering the amount of coffee I've drunk, it seems unlikely that coffee can make men pregnant. Or I'm infertile (sob!).

 

8 years 23 weeks ago
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8 years 24 weeks ago
 
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My favorite is lighting off fireworks for fortune.  Every business drops thousands of RMB for their opening oftentimes shuttering the business a few months later.  Seems the money could have been better spent.  Same for the everyday Zhou.  He'll set off a pricey display for face and good fortune, not realizing fireworks have no correlation with success.  But what the heck, it's only 1/2 of his monthly income.  It makes me ponder, "Has he been doing this for 30 years?  He must realize he isn't rich yet." 

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8 years 23 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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Joking aside, while the belief "coffee makes you pregnant" is obviously ridiculous if you take it literally, there is a rational, scientific part to this "coffee helps​ makes you pregnant, indirectly" belief.

 

It has to do with certain chemicals found inside coffee and cocoa beans, the raw material for coffee and chocolate.

 

"Actually, scientists have been trying to understand the chemistry of chocolate for years. Although there are several hundred different chemicals in your typical slab, a handful of them seem to be more important than others in making chocolate taste so good. Among the most important are stimulants including theobromine, phenylethylamine, and caffeine (in very small amounts). Researchers at the Neurosciences Institute in San Diego, California say chocolate also contains a feel-good chemical called anandamide, which is found naturally in the brain, and is similar to another one called anandamide THC (tetrahydrocannabinol) found in marijuana. Normally anandamide is broken down quite quickly after it is produced, but the San Diego chemists think the anandamide in chocolate makes the natural anandamide in our brain persist for longer—in other words, giving us a longer-lasting "chocolate high." So while chocolate does not contain the same active chemicals as marijuana, there is some similarity in the effect that both substances have on our brains.

http://www.explainthatstuff.com/scienceofchocolate.html

 

I heard that quite a few girls know this "chocolate makes you happy"  fact and eat more of them when they are having their periods.

bill8899:

Coffee beans are used to make coffee. Cocao beans are used to make chocolate. 

8 years 23 weeks ago
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earthizen:

True, strictly speaking they come from different plants. I made that distinction clear in the original comment. Given the similarity in appearance of coffee and cocoa beans and distribution (hot tropics) it appears they are close cousins. A scientific study comparing the properties of the two would be interesting. 

8 years 23 weeks ago
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8 years 23 weeks ago
 
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I've been wondering about the environmental impact on a lot of these things. 

 

E.g. A/C on with a window slightly open...

All the boiling of utensils and stuff 

Handwashing womens underwear as opposed to just hurling it along the rest of the clothes

rasklnik:

On the other hand the fact they dont use dryers saves lots of energy.

8 years 22 weeks ago
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Scandinavian:

I don't use a dryer back home in Scandinavia, have one for when there is an underwear emergency, but runs less than once per month

8 years 22 weeks ago
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8 years 22 weeks ago
 
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