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Q: Chinese Culture Question for your wives please.
My wife likes to pretend she doesnt know anything about Chinese culture when there is a question or a problem. So please ask your wives , or give any info you know about.
Ok heres the deal, As we speak, my wifes grandfather is dying. Probably by tonight, so we all must immediately go back to the hometown. Now, everyone hates this guy. Hes the only member of the entire extended family to ever be put into a old folks home. Hes by all accounts a dick, yet still my wife must go, and of course I need to take her.
Heres the problem. On monday I will fly to Sichuan with my friends for a wedding. The person getting married is close, we have all been in a close group for like 5 years.
Now my wife is saying that if I see her dead or dying grandpa then I cant go to the wedding because I will bring my friend Jakes wedding and future horrible luck.
WTF????
Its not my damn grandpa! Hell if you throw a rock in a lake in China 40 people will die.
So please, is this true? Anyway I can do both? Is it acceptable to not tell Jake i saw a dead dude? Can I visit a voodoo witch doctor to wipe off the stink of death and then go?? Its important to him that im there, but I cant tell my wifes family, fuck that im not going in there one of my friends is getting married! Thats blatantly putting friends before family!
Advice please!
You're off the hook. My wife says that the traditional month-seven weeks (!!!) of mourning (丁忧) is only for blood relatives and mother/father, child relations. My wife, being somewhat the same nature as myself (which is why I married her) says just to pay your respects, spend as much time as possible with the family, go to the wedding but don't enjoy yourself (the sarcastic part may be my interpretation).
Here's a good read: http://www.chinaculture.org/gb/en_chinaway/2004-03/03/content_46092.htm
Just say you went to visit the grandfather, you don't have to mention he wasn't actually breathing at the time.
I say go and have a good time, after you throw salt eight times over your right shoulder and hum 'The Red Flag' backwards whilst hopping barefoot over hot coals. That should just about cover it!
Wait, what? There are old folks homes in China? That's... news to me.
Oh, and that only applies to blood relatives. Tell your wife that you're not an atheist-democratic-ObamaCare-worshipper, or maybe that you are one, and she might understand.
Can't really relate. My mother-in-law is superstitious like that, but my wife isn't.
First up, condolences and thoughts to your family.
My wife's grandad died recently, and it was a sad event for all.
Anyway, I asked the wife. She said it is bad luck. But she dos not know why. Her mum does though, but she is in the home town. My wife would conform to the tradition. Too much trouble with her mum if she ignored tradition.
I also asked my barmaid. But she is young, and she says only old people believe in this.
I will not tell my wife what my barmaid said.
It sounds similar to the pregnant women can't go to weddings thing. And the other one where other babies can't go to babies celebration meals. All this " Can't have two good lucks because you will get a bad one" stuff.
Any more questions? If so I will ask my barmaid. Wife questions will have to wait till tomorrow 
.
Seriously, thoughts with your family.
Scandinavian:
you're lucky to have a barmaid to consult on life isues.
I can understand your plight. I tried to rent a house last month. My wife nixed it because the owner of that house had passed away a month before. The daughter of that man was willing to rent the home to me before she started to renovate the home. Death is a very big deal to the Chinese people. It is the one thing they put before money. (in my humble opinion) I am glad I am not in your shoes. But a suggestion is when you go to the wedding don't say anything about this death..ever. In the minds of Chinese people that grandfather is part of your extended family through your wife.
This varies from region to region. Down here in Guangdong, if a person in the family dies, you cannot have a wedding for the next two years.
I'd say do both. If anything, ask your friends who are getting married if they think it will be bad for their wedding (rather that than keep quiet, because then you WILL be the blame if their marriage fails) Customs will be different between families etc. All your wife needs to be concerned about is saying goodbye to a family member (a-hole or not, goodbyes are important) And as a (assumed) normal person you can do both.
