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Q: chinese dating rituals customes and rules
I understand that there are Chinese dating rules and customs are that if a single foreign or local man is living with a unmarried lady having sex not including intercourse that this is a sign that they are serious Then he meets with her parents they meet with his parents have dinner together this then means they have to get engaged maybe married depending how soon they want to be married! Yes I know some Chinese parents their daughter are more relaxed more open about this and its up to the daughter to decide Im sure there are some Chinese parents and their daughter that are more traditional sticking to old customs of if their daughter is doing this then its a given the man and their daughter are to be engaged then married to him! Now, is there any truth in this or it depends how traditional or open her parents are?
So... Is your education about China limited to Asian pornos, Jacky Chan/Bruce Lee movies, general stereotypes, and things your cousin Bobby-Joe heard from a guy who once saw a Chinese person?
philbravery:
This Clown has got to be Vicky's Dad posting these questions
were is the cat when you need him ?
cub:
yes phil and hulk trying to make up where u cant measure up by your snide remarks right? get a real life maybe commit suicide do mankind a favor?
Shining_brow:
I'm confused!
Why are you suggesting that Asian porn and Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee movies would be 'limiting' to my 'education' about China???
Let me tell you how Chinese marriage works. You meet the girl, you like her, so you ask her out and date her. You'll be expected to pick up all the bills. You will be meeting each other for months or years and there'll no sex. Eventually, you take her home to meet your parents. Your parents like her. So you bring gifts to meet her parents. If they also like you, you can prepare a house and a car and few million rmb and marry her. Yes, the name for the owner of house needs to be hers too. You get married. Then you can have sex with her. Anything other than that is just casual sex. Oh, usually the girl's family will gift you a brand new red colored quilt and bedsheet for marriage too, so it's not like everything's from the guy's side.
cub:
im sure this does happen the way u desribed it sometimes, but some ladies parents might not be as traditional as u described ok? About the house/car in her name maybe yes mabe no u cant assume generalize lump all chinese women their parents or future actions on the way it was in the past ok? did this happen to u? if so im sorry but not all scenarios end up or happen like this! not all chinese women or the parents do this! its not correct to assume all chinese are like this or will do this! has this been done/happened like this before? Iam sure it has but not all and we are in the 21st century now not the 20th centry! Some old customs die are relaxed not followed any more! all circumstances are different! but thanks for he warning/info it helps me
SpongeBob:
Of course. I live on marriage fraud. Now I own 20+ properties from all over the world. I don't mind to have an extra one in the US though. Let me know if you are interested. I am way better than your Chinese girlfriend for the fact that no matter how rich I am, I will always spend man's money which indicate that I am traditional. Traditional women are the best. Otherwise, why don't you just get a woman in the US? I know you are crazy about mysterious, smart, traditional Asian women, such as me. ;)
cub:
hey s bob get some new material u can work with, and update yourself ok? u are assuming all u said on 40 year old 2nd hand rumors of days gone by! get ou of the 60s aready! all u are doing and doing well, is sounding like a broken record and are repeating things decades old
cub:
u mean marry a materialistic bossy contrioling greedy selfish spoiled american lady who wants a perfect wealthy man who looks like a actor cares more about his looks money material things and cares about his age ? no way! Congrats u have wealth money houses ok? whatever compensates your short commings ok? Enjoy it while u can because after u die u cant take any of it with u! have a great day!
SpongeBob:
lol. I was joking seriously, did you at least smile seriously so I know you know we are both a bit far off the topic? Anyway, good luck with everything and hopefully she's a nice lady. I am pretty sure most Chinese women are nice, such as me.
cub:
joking? with the crud i been getting the name c alling the profanity and insults on this site am i to know the difference between a insult and a joke?
SpongeBob:
Thank you. Now I know I can insult someone without using the F and S and D words. My next goal is to deliver my thoughts without making people think I am insulting them. English is really hard...had I not learnt it by accident, I wouldn't even want to bother to marry to an American guy you know. What if people think I am a green card chaser or a gold digger...even though my business is running pretty well and I am good with my own finance. But young and cool as I am, those jealous people will always doubt about my motivation of marrying an old poor guy. They just don't believe in the existence of true love that's beyond the race, age, color and gender, just like how you failed to grab my Chinese humor.
cub:
s bob, who cares what people think? What others think i could care less im not letting peoples thoughts ruin or control my life! Besides since when do chinese have a sense of humor? Must be the western humor bubbed off on u! its amazing, for every 1 dishonest green card chaser chinese lady out there everyone has heard about or known based on a 40 year old worn out story there are 100s if not 1000s of legit genuine ladies u never hear or read about who wants to marry want marriage for love to be loved to love not for greed money material gain ok?
cub:
s bob, who cares what people think? What others think i could care less im not letting peoples thoughts ruin or control my life! Besides since when do chinese have a sense oh humor? Must be the western humor bubbed off on u! its amazing, for every 1 green card chaser dishonest chinese lady out there everyone has heard about or known based on a 40 year old worn out story there are 100s if not 1000s of legit genuine ladies who marry want marriage for love to be loved to love not for greed money material gain ok?
Spiderboenz:
"Who cares what people think?"
Chinese people do. It is a concept called "Face" and it is DEEPLY ingrained in Chinese culture.
SpongeBob:
Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell, in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
cub:
well s bob, then u have been telling sending yourself to hel a lotl regularly keep up the good tact work! u will get to hell eventually just keep working on it! and enjoy the downward trip!
So... Is your education about China limited to Asian pornos, Jacky Chan/Bruce Lee movies, general stereotypes, and things your cousin Bobby-Joe heard from a guy who once saw a Chinese person?
philbravery:
This Clown has got to be Vicky's Dad posting these questions
were is the cat when you need him ?
cub:
yes phil and hulk trying to make up where u cant measure up by your snide remarks right? get a real life maybe commit suicide do mankind a favor?
Shining_brow:
I'm confused!
Why are you suggesting that Asian porn and Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee movies would be 'limiting' to my 'education' about China???
Online dating... What site?
cub:
spider, why does this matter to u? so u can ridicule over analize if im doing this by a dating site? give u more ammo to use against me? no way!
Spiderboenz:
Because there are many websites that are designed for pairing western men with Chinese women. Dozens, maybe hundreds.
Many of these sites are infiltrated with scammers (either for money, or for immigration fraud). Most of the few TRULY legitimate sites have their own forums where you can get answers to your questions.
There is nothing to ridicule about online dating. 1/4 or all relationships globally orignate through online dating.
cub:
spider, i tried asian beauties for a little while, figuerd out they were dishonest then there was 2beans very disappointed but hey i tried
cub:
spider, care to name a few of these true legit dating web sites out there? name a few of them so i can see if i havent seen been on them before
to OP
Spiderboenz asks a legitimate question about the dating site you met on.
i have another.
Have you video chatted with your gf?
ScotsAlan:
Have you seen a photo of her? Strange not to have video chatted. you can buy a wecam for something like $15 these days. Edit... wow. Webcam prices start at $1.48 on Amazon. Amazing.
cub:
scotsalan, yes i seen many photos of her! listen, 2 years ago i didnt even own a computer much less know how to run one ok? i dont have a cell phone this costs money i dont have! i had to teach myself how to type and operate a computer yes, i have a way to go
cub:
spider and scotsalan, maybe i dont want a webcam u ever think of that?
Spiderboenz:
... You don't want to ACTUALLY see what someone that you are going to travel thousands of miles to visit, and marry, looks like?
OK Quasimodo, what species of Land Whale are you?
cub:
good one spider! haha Lets turn around your statement shall we? It is she thats meeting me first, she has applied for her visa already! So she will be visiting me i will see how she looks besides other photos i have seen of her already! Here is my being careful/cautious about this, See, if she is real she really loves me wants to marry me as she has told me it is she that has to get her visa pay to fly to my country/state and meet me its her that has to put effort pay if she means what she says! That way im only out the time contacting her by emails or calls if she isnt real! Lets say if i could affor to fly and meet her in china instead ok? i have read men doing this and the lady is a no show or the lady that meets him at the airport isnt the same as the lady in the photo he has of her! So now, he has spent and wasted 1000s of dollars wasted his time! He s the loser here! If this is a scam i am avoiding this by having her spend her money by flying to me its her that has to do the wok put in a effort meeting me first if she is as interested in me as she claims! So, if there will be a loser here its her if she isnt real All im going to do is wait but not forever!
Seems like we have another news in the making.
Let me tell you the Echina story of Feburuary29, 2016;
"An oldie with a photo of lost Chinese girlfriend hanging from his neck at the airport. A Canadian oldie was found in the same situation last year(2015). The people present at the scene sympathized with CUB for being played off and tried to find his 'beloved' by sharing news on twitter like Chinese social media Sina weibo."
I could only read ' this, then that and Chinese women'... Surprised to see there are 'non naive' muricans too since I thought it was me only.
cub:
scotsalan, yes, i seen this i wouldnt do this, go this far without more info! its sad, i hope she was real didnt waste his time he didnt have much info to go on!
scotsalan, yes, i seen this i wouldnt do this, go this far without more info! its sad, i hope she was real didnt waste his time he didnt have much info to go on!
What fucking language is that?
cub:
its called plain english xunliang! go get a education ok? and watch your languge!
xunliang:
An education! OMG. At least my fucking language is language.
ScotsAlan:
For some reason, I have an image of Mr Garrison from South Park in my head. Can't figure out why that image popped up. OK 
Spiderboenz:
Edit: Don't. Ever. Edit. My. Words. Admin is around, I was just censored.
Shining_brow:
Really?
What's so weird about someone coming on here, who is apparently a 50 or so year old Canadian (or American) posting a stack of threads about the same topic all within an hour or 2 of each other (and necro-ing posts about men being paid for sex), about getting a Chinese girl who is in her early teens, after they've met each other's parents and are all hunky-dorey with each other... and her parents own a fashion business which she has inherited... and they'll pay for all the wedding stuff (including flights)... when they've only had photos of each other to sustain their love.... after only 2 years of having gotten himself a computer to communicate to the world with (in bad, non-punctuated, English)? Why should such a guy not be incredibly desirable? (makes me wonder what I've been doing wrong...)
I don't see anything wrong with this at all....... perfectly legit!
cub:
Hey shining, did i say her parents was going to pay for the wedding plane tickets? No, i didnt say that u did! i said she was paying for this! And u are now a grammar expert here? Maybe because for the sake of saving time typing, my puntuation isnt perfect big deal! So sue me! What does necro-ing mean? Did i ever say anything about men paying for sex? No, u said that not me! It would be nice if u would stop making up things and saying things about my posts here i never wrote or said! So much for expecting real mature answers being serious about answering my questions here! If u want entertainment or something that will depress u or look like a waste of life go look in the mirror ok?
Shining_brow:
Oh crap, Xun... I got some details wrong... he must be legit!
Apparently, from what I've glimpsed on other threads, he's a 50year old virgin who's decided to hold onto it cos sex is sacred... but figures a young Chinese girl he met online is worth giving it to.. though he knows so little about Chinese culture that he's got to come onto ECC to ask us for our opinion... in order to marry her.
Personally, if I was going to hold onto my virginity for the 'right one' to marry, I wouldn't go looking online for her, nor be asking complete strangers (complete in that he's never even been on here before to get to know anyone). I also wouldn't be engaging in what I consider fairly desperate tactics for it. Marriage should be with someone you've met, fallen in love with, found complete compatibility with, and everything works. It should also be so important that it's more important to stay single than to be with the wrong person!!! (no, loneliness is NOT a good enough reason to potentially fuck-up at least 2 people's lives!)
Oh, and since I'm certified to examine for one of the world's foremost English language qualifications, and I've been teaching academic English to Pre- master's degree students... I'll say 'yes' to be considered a 'grammar expert;!
xunliang:
Yeah, loneliness can suck. But he's obviously been doing ok for 50 years. I dunno, I couldn't marry someone knowing they're just after a visa.
cub:
again shining i said im waiting for her to fly to my country after she gets her visa!Then yes get to know more about more than i know about her by chatting and letters!!1 Then if we are compatible are a match,see if there is chemistry, then we go to the next phase of our relationship! i never said i was going to marry her before we do this or before she meets me! And im not ''desperate'' to get married to her in the way as u are trying to portray me! Those are your words not mine! And big deal on how educated in your language credentials u might have! Again big deal! i am not impressed or intimidated at all! How about brushing up on people skills and less on trying to insult or demean or looking down your nose at other people! U are what people call being arrogant and a snob full of yourself! Xunliang, who says this lady is wanting to marry for a visa or a green card? Her visa is only as long as its allowed like 6 months max! A greencard she has to wait 3 long years after she marries to get it!
Shining_brow:
Cub: "And u are now a grammar expert here?"
You challenged me on it... you only have yourself to blame.
Speaking of which... SHE'S ONLY 22!!!!! That's the Chinese equivalent of being about 16 back in the USA!!! Girls in China, especially the 'traditional' ones, are incredibly immature... they are ignorant about the world, about sexuality, about life. If you bothered to come over to China to actually find out something about the place, you'd know that!
You are deliberately preying on a weak, impressionable child. (which is what the others on here have also said... of course, you know better, don't you? Egos do that - they make people think/know they're right, when everything and everyone around them says they're wrong)
Yes, I am damn arrogant! Someone has to be to say that a 50 year old "Christian" should not be chasing after a 22 year old Chinese girl who he's never really met, and expect her to convert to his religion! It is seriously immature and irresponsible! Grow the fuck up and find someone at least more mature, older and wiser regarding the world.
(NB: "people skills" are for pandering to egos... not telling it as it needs to be told)
cub:
shining, u must have a very dim limited narrow window of how the word is u know it? In china the women who have a business or a company they operate own have inherited at a young age are very much more mature than amerian women being they are more mature and responsible ok? Lets say she gets a visa flies to meet me and whom is chasing whom now? u are talking about and reacting like this is the 1950s and with western dating customs of age or age differences culture that only america has U have to think outside the box! and did i say she didnt know anything about sex and was immature? u think virgin chinese women live in a bubble? Have u read what robrocks chinese wife how long the dated before they married? Just because this isnt common in america dont mean it never happens ok? How about all the actors that married with huge age differences looks? there must be dozens of them that married thier other half without their age age differences looks financial differences concerning them! Who says this never happens cant work dont make sense? Did i say she was traditional? Do u know they can be both traditional AND nontraditional/modern at the same time? There are millions of single chinese ladies out there that never will fit the cookie cutter standards that u think they should be like! See, all u notice is her and my ages these are just numbers ! Again, where did i say i was going to convert her to be a christian here? Did i say she had a religion or no religion? Where do u come up with these assumptions? Yes shining, u know it all right? u dont know half whats going on here without all the info so u make it up as u go along jumping to conclusions! And why not let the others speak for themselves here did tey say proceed with caution be careful? Yes, and im doing this!!Are u and the others one big group organized about this? How about not worrying about my being a christian if i said i was, there u go assuming things again! Mind your own business till u know 100% of the facts here ok? iAnd since when did u become the one to determine what age differrence should be?
xunliang:
Well now I'm wondering. Cub doesn't get a notification when someone replies to a post does he? Only if someone replies to the question directly. So wtf is going on? Is he constantly checking or is he someone's alter-ego?
cub:
thats right xunliang, i dont get any notification here after a post to my reply is sent
Shining_brow:
Xun, Cub managed to find a post I made on a Vicky thread regarding her being hit on by older guys, and he had to comment on it... even though that thread dates back over a month....
Perhaps Fada and others are right - Cub & Vicky are the same person!
Either that, or he's been hunting threads/posts...
And, I actually hope Cub is a troll....
Is customes a portmanteau of custom and tome? Are you looking for a printers to print someones manifesto?
SpongeBob is pretty much right.
The rules change if you are a foreigner however...
We don't need to buy them a house, car and most will meet half way for a wedding. All of this is for one sole purpose... SECURITY. They don't trust other Chinese people... and why should they?
However, they think most foreigners are rich, have good jobs... so there is nothing to worry about...
SpongeBob is pretty much right.
The rules change if you are a foreigner however...
We don't need to buy them a house, car and most will meet half way for a wedding. All of this is for one sole purpose... SECURITY. They don't trust other Chinese people... and why should they?
However, they think most foreigners are rich, have good jobs... so there is nothing to worry about...
cub:
so whats wrong with wanting security? so what if everything in life isnt or happens like a fairy tail? Sure, sometimes i think they have heard or been told most foriegners are wealthy, especialy in he philipines a very poor country! But then again if u make 10.000$ or less in america to a lady in the philipines vietnam u are rich!
Robk:
Nothing wrong with wanting security.
The problem is that very few marry for love or the reasons they should. Security is something someone should want from a partner. Just saying that many Chinese don't trust other Chinese so buying that stuff before marriage in China is necessary between Chinese and Chinese nationals. Not so much for us.
I married my wife, didn't need to get those things. But I am buying us an apartment anyway and my wife does her own business and we aren't worried about financial security like many others here.
cub:
robk, sounds like u and your wife have a great working relationship going! And sounds like u have your act together! So in my case and situation any advice or suggestions?
I met my wife on QQ our 1st date was coffee at starbucks then we went and played video games and an entertainment centre.
when we got married we just went to the office to pick up our marriage books,we did not have any party.
please change "ok" to "mmkayyy"
then my picture is complete
Spiderboenz:
mmmmkay...
That's Mr, Mackey, the school guidance counselor. Mr. Garrison is the gay (before his sex change) homophobic teacher.
Rules are generally different for foreigners who marry CHinese girls. My friend doesn't have a house, a car, had a fairly small dinner for his wedding and that was it.
However I feel sorry for all the Chinese guys out there trying to scrape enough money so they can afford a girlfriend, let alone get married.
cub:
your friend sounds a lot like my situation! according to most posts her u either have to have the house car money and looks not to mention age to have a chinese lady marry a foreigner! Also according to the know it alls here the only reason a chinese lady will do this is because she wants a green card to marry a few years dump the man for a younger one and she has the wealt to hire a lawyer and takes the car house everything the man has! I wonder why your friend didnt know about this before he married?
