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Q: Chinese Satire: Toasting family members creates distance?

I was at dinner with the wife and extended family last night.  We did the traditional round table with the spinning "lazy Susan."  As with every traditional Chinese dinner, the host started the usual toasting of the family, and then each family member took turns toasting other family members with a wish of good health.  My wife's cousin raised his glass to toast my wife and I.  It was at that point my wife said to him, "Oh, we're family, you don't need to toast us."  She was right.  We know each other quite well.  Often times, I feel like the whole toasting procession is sometimes too stuffy!  Let's just eat and laugh.  Sometimes there are too many obligations.  Toasting sometimes adds a level of formality and properness that creates distance between people.  It reminds me of Clark Griswold's satirical attempt to create a picturesque family vacation.  What are your thoughts on toasting? 

10 years 8 weeks ago in  Culture - China

 
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In my mind, anything beyond the host lifting his glass and saying "great to see you guys, lets eat" is overdoing it

 

Nice Clark Griswold reference Smile I think a lot of things going on, especially at times like Spring Festival seems to be very forced "We have just a few days for this, ENJOY YOURSELVES goddammit"

For Spring Festival dinner, I popped some nice (possibly even authentic) French wine. No one touched it unless it was for toasting. Dinner for 8, I had more than half the bottle. My little lady the day after asked where the rest of the wine was.....

On of the sadder toasts in China is the one at weddings. Where the married couple goes around to all tables and does a toast with all people there. The sad thing about this is that 1. They usually drink fruit juice to not get drunk (which would be an awful thing to get at a wedding) 2. The toast is always just a standard blurt of kind formalities (although sometimes a parent will be too impressed there is a foreigner present and do a lot of extra toasting) 3. That is all the interaction the married couple have with all these close friends who are present at this the happiest day of all where EVERYTHING is forced happiness.

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10 years 8 weeks ago
 
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When I went to my brother-in-law's birthday party -- which, for some reason he threw for himself (I didn't give him even 1 RMB) -- people were constantly toasting, sucking up, etc. I couldn't stand all the toasting.

 

He kept getting up and toasting to everyone who came, and then they toasted to him. One of them was clearly an official's son who was amused by people sucking up to him.

 

I hated every minute of it. They asked me to get up and toast, and I called them all heathen unbelievers in English, toasted to everyone, and sat back down.

 

Then again, I'm anti-social. Your mileage may vary.

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10 years 8 weeks ago
 
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I tend to have the same feelings as you, and have expressed them to my wife.  I don't mind a toast with some old uncle, who I rarely see, and seems to be on his last legs.  But toasting with guys my own age is strange.  I especially hate it when younger guys toast me.  it seems completely forced.  Also, why can't I drink when I'm thirsty?  I just ate something spicy, now I need to make a toast so I can drink some of my beer? 

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I agree that forced formality reduces intimacy. People who are genuinely interested in each other's company don't need socially mandated respect-giving rituals.

 

I'd rather just shake hands the first time I meet someone, then act like a real person.

 

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10 years 8 weeks ago
 
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I completely agree with you.If you really are close with someone, most formalities go out the window.

 

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10 years 8 weeks ago
 
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