you posted previously about paying for everything and giving your gf money, and she then gives it to her mother.

it does not sound like an equal relationship as you are the ATM for her family and will continue to be that for as long as you together.

are you happy with that ?

Never given any money. The MIL or wife never brought up the topic, it is common among their friends to use the concept of dowry, a high school friend of my wife cannot get married as her sticker price is 150000 and her boyfriend just has a regular job. 

I've never given my MIL anything, sure I pay for dinner when we eat out, at least sometimes, when she visited us back home I paid for everything. I think all I need to do is give her as many grandchildren as can possibly fit in our home. 

Stop paying out! What is wrong with you?

I have helped my wife to be's family on a few occasions in the 4 years we have been together. Assisted with her brother's tuition, gave the family some living money when her father had back surgery and was unable to earn. Loaned her sister money for decorating her new house (she paid the loan back 6 months early). But I steadfastly refuse to pay a dowry. This caused a few arguments, but I stuck to my beliefs as I feel this is equivalent to purchasing a bride and is morally wrong. I have heard no such request in the past 2 years. 

It's ok to help the family, but it should work both ways and transparently. Any "it's the tradition" pretext is bullshit. You're being exploited, and you won't win any respect or acceptance like that.

I helped *once* my wife's parents, on an emergency case. We knew exactly what the money was for. Later, we had to insist for them *not* to completely pay for our wedding ceremony, which is a few times what I gave to help previously. The rest of the family never asked anything from us. Actually, we got presents for the Spring Festival, being sausage or coffee. So no, no, no, this money thing is not the rule here, you're not supposed to be the family's bank.

How many times do we hear this from people in relationships in China?

I am extremely fortunate in the fact I have never been asked, my wifes' parents are fairly  solvent. But, so many times have I heard about men and, indeed, women who have been guilt-tripped into shelling out for various family member/friends/colleagues of their supposed better half.

It often makes me despair for those people and makes me feel that they are simply being used as a cash-point.

Regardless of whether the money is a loan, or to help someone out who can't work, etc. It's the fact that you are expected to do this that erks.

I've been asked, and I've refused every time. The wife didn't like the idea of being a commodity, and she even cried and protested to her mother, "Mom, am I goods to be sold?" We took off and got married without their permission.

They've asked for money 3 times since then. We haven't given any. They've given up. No requests in more than a year, since they know we aren't giving them anything. Yet, my wife stays with me regardless. She's with me through the good times, and the bad, and she never complains about it. She just complains about me being a retard on occasion, lol.

That's the kind of woman you're looking for: someone who isn't after the big bucks.  Someone who will be with you regardless of a dowry, money, etc. Those girls are rare, but they're very much worth the wait.

Demands dowry no matter what = F&C.

Doesn't care = M&K.

TLDR: Don't give her anything. Based on your previous posts, I recommend that you dump her and move on.

I've never given the gf's mother any money.  But she does appreciate a bottle of Jack Daniel's every now and again when I make a trip home 

This seems to be an issue that pops up every now and then. Like that guy who asked us a while back about giving his MIL all that money because the business she was starting was failing. I'd be very hesitant.

Also, what if she wasn't dating you. Where would her mother get money then?? I say don't do it...

If you guys doo decide to get married you HAVE to decide on what kind of support you are willing to give.  A couple of hundred dollars do go a long way in China in helping some old people support themselves- IF they do deserve a little help.  You have to decide on an amount and stick to it.  Both my parents send their aging parents money once in a while.

But if you are being set up to be the perpetual lending service of the family, as  much as you love the girl, you may have to walk out.  I rather be alone with my dignity and a roof over my head then an abused "filial" in-law to an exploitive family.

What's it for?

And how long have you been together?

If the first answer is "don't know", or "something they want" - don't bother. If someone is doing something massively important - then perhaps.

If the answer to the second question is "not long"... then don't bother!

And, there's the Q of "how much skin off your nose is it?"

i reluctantly gave about 40% of what my MIL was demanding, which was already a low request by chinese standards. she reluctantly accepted. i hand over my salary to my wife and MIL nowadays, but thats because there's a baby to care for and another on the way. if i had a bigger income, i might set some aside for myself. but there's no room for mistrust.
in china, the husband's mother usually takes charge of the family's finances. foreigners have no controlling mother, nor a hukou, so the wife's mom will assume that role. if you don't like this prospect, either end the relationship, or butt heads with the MIL in advance.

Thank you all for your answers . I am going to end this relationship and enjoy my new life !

Just as an end note,  my experience is a bit different.

I pay my father in law a monthly "wage",  but he probably spend more than he is given buying food for the family meals he cooks.

I did not have to pay anything for my wife, rather the opposite.

My MIL lives with us, and when the landlord told us he was selling the apartment we were renting, my MIL decided we should buy it. She paid the deposit, and a big deposit it was (30%), and I pay the mortgage.

I think she is happy that her daughter and grand daughter are staying in China rather than the foreign husband taking them away to foreign lands.  My wife has been to the UK often enough to know it is not the land of milk and honey that many Chinese think it is.

We are sometimes asked (told !) to help out with various medical expenses for the extended family, but all members of the family pay the same.

I think it's a good system, and dare I say it, before one gets married I think it's just as important to know you are compatible with the family as you are with your wife 

I have never been asked to provide money to my wife's family even during the engagement. In fact sometimes they give me and my wife money for no reason.

I've just got married last week to a lovely independent lady originally from a very small village in Jiangxi. Hadn't met my new in laws until we flew up there from GZ earlier last week. I'd already asked my wife-to-be if we should buy anything for them or if I should give them a Hong Bao & she said no! I did push the issue of at least buying them a present & taking them out for a nice dinner. So she relented & we (I) got them some nice Ginseng for making tea. When we got to their village home they were very welcoming & over the next few days, even after our wedding day, refused to let us take them out for dinner, insisting on cooking every night to save us money. 

Based on my experiences of the 2 years being with my wife I'm not expecting any nasty money request surprises. What I'd like to do though, after visiting the family home, is finding someway of renovating the deceased grandfathers old house (now owned by his 4 sons) before this traditional old place falls apart. Her home village is nestled in a lovely valley & there aren't many of the old houses left. I'd love to keep this one up to scratch so we have somewhere to retire to in the future that hasn't been ruined. 

To the OP, you're right to stop being an ATM for your girlfriend.