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anonymous
Q: Guyz need your advice.A scam won't give me money back. What shall i do?
I know that sounds pretty stupid and I still can't fully realize it happened to me. In short I got really much attention from a Chinese guy, he was super caring, bringing flowers etc, taking me for dates, saying he loves me 100 times a day. When we were together he didn't close his eyes for a second saying i am too pretty to miss a thing bla bla bla. I am not a trusting person to say the truth, so I didn't take his words too seriously. Well, he was asking me to marry him every goddamn day, but i need to know a person well to even start talking about stuff like marriage so I was just making replies with a joke. But he even went to meet my mom while we were on vacation.
And while we were in HK on holidays together enjoying some nice time he said he couldn't get money from his plastic card in some ATM, was pretty upset and asked me if i can borrow him some money so he could buy a guitar as it is a way cheaper than in Mainland china. And what do you think! I was just an idiot and gave him money. He didn't want to take it, said he is feeling uncomfortable bla bla bla, said he will give it back to me when I come to mainland china (I am going to get there in the end of June).
Everything was going fine till one day I received an e-mail from HIS WIFE begging me not to destroy the family , saying they have a child and he left her about a year ago and moved to other city. That now she found him and she is at his place. I was literally shocked, upset, feeling so bad cause I couldn't even guess he had a family! Anyway, I wasn't making any serious plans, I just don't see any reason why would he behave like that. Met my mom, making me gifts, taking me to the restaurants etc. Of course I broke off with all conversations with him, sending him just one message saying that i just want my money back and game over. Than the circus began, both he and his wife were e-mailing me the whole days, I was just ignoring both.
Now I have a great paranoia that he won't give me my money back. Because i don't know his address and they both with his wife won't tell me. Make sure I realize that I was a complete idiot that time to give him money. Any ideas if he won't show up on the arranged date? Shall i go to the police and will they be willing to help or they will just say that I am to blame for that myself? Really don't know what to do and the bad thing is that i really need that money back. Gosh i dunno what to do, I am such a bumbling idiot.
Thanks in advance for your attention, guys.
11 years 46 weeks ago in Relationships - China
I am sorry to hear this.....Obviously he and his wife (i.e. the syndicate) have cheated you. Dun ever expect that he will return the money and I dun think reporting to the police will help. Get over it and be smarter. 
tatiana_taranova:
Thank you for the answer oh, yeah I will learn from my mistakes, that's for sure. We arranged the date when we meet. He is still begging me not to break up with him, flooding my e-mail, but I am ignoring all that. You think the police won't be willing to help me? I have his former job place, photo, telephone number. eh...
ciaoAlice:
Oh Tatiana, I am afraid he will not show up as he knows exactly what you want from him, the money. That he asked you not to break up is to give you a fake hope that you still can have your money back if your connection is not broken.
Call the police if you want, but please dun expect they will follow up your case right away or you will get disappointed. Good luck!
Maybe you can set him up if he still bothers you all the time.
Smells like TROLL all up in here!
"asked me if i can borrow him some money"
Isn't borrow and lend the same word in Chinese....
What should you do? You should try having your fiction published. Dare I say you might be the Chinese equivalent of Danielle Steel.
She's boring too.
GuilinRaf:
At least Danielle Steele has some sexy steamy erotic scenes....
Jnusb416:
Just because the poster doesn't speak perfect English doesn't mean it's a troll. All it means is that it's not a native English speaker.
tatiana_taranova:
what's wrong with you, hey? I am just asking for an advice concerning governmental help for foreigners who were cheated. I will also tell you some revelation now - in many languages "to borrow" has the same meaning as "to lend" does. By the way, I am not Chinese. I am Georgian/Russian. If my mistakes hurt the eyes, well kindly forgive me mr. Native speaker :P
crimochina:
" asked me if i can borrow him some money so he could buy a guitar as it is a way cheaper than in Mainland china. And what do you think! I was just an idiot and gave him money. He didn't want to take it, said he is feeling uncomfortable"
you are a foreigner from where? Shanghai???
your story doesn't make sense . he asked to borrow the monet then did not want to take it??? sorry he asked you to borrow him the money. i'm surprised this fooled so many people.
tell tale sign of a troll. post anon , then comments to the answers because they are happy and surprised they fooled some people.
crimochina:
governmental help?????????? seriously????????? foreigner from where??????????
tatiana_taranova:
Please let me explain. You make it all sound really like a nonsense and i don't have any intention to troll anybody here or wherever. He was trying to make an impression of being a super duper polite person that he was saying he felt uncomfortable about taking girl's money, this is how it was. At the same time he was asking for that. Ok, I am a brainless moron perhaps, but I didn't have a reason not to believe the guy. I really thought he was my friend. And i usually help my friends you see. I am actually from moscow, RF. I am not chinese ok? Do i look like one in your opinion?
Jnusb416:
Guys, every time you see imperfect English, you automatically cry "troll." Not everyone who speaks English has perfect English. There are a lot of non-Chinese who use English as a second language. Stop being rude to all the new people. Your behavior is more annoying than some of the trolls themselves.
Tatiana, just a heads up, anyone can post something anonymously, and the people here will automatically be suspicious, even if the English is perfect. Don't let it bother you. I think you've gotten some good advice. Just ignore the negative comments.
tatiana_taranova:
Jnusb416, Thank you for your kind words, really appreciated!
.....>
tatiana_taranova:
Unfortunately not. I don't get it guyz, I'm just asking for an advice, cause I am really upset about the situation. And I so agree it sounds like fiction, I wish it were one.
I don't think you'll get your money back. You should be more careful with your money in the future.
Honestly, I would just forget about the money and the guy. You may need the money, but it won't be worth the headache you will have to deal with from the man and his wife.
Just cut off all contact with them, walk away and never look back. It really is the best way to deal with it.
tatiana_taranova:
Thanks for your answer... Well, I guess I have no choice.
Some tips:
1. You shouldn't comment if you are trying to post anonymously.
2. I'd feel sorry for the guy. Sounds to me like his wife is gonna give him a good de-dicking pretty soon.
3. If you can figure out some way to get on his wife's good side maybe you can get the guitar back at least, or some of his other things. This won't recoup all of your losses, but maybe some.
4. If you really need the money that bad then I can only guess that you don't have steady income or you have some kind of bad spending habit, either drugs/alcohol/gambling or something fashion related. I'd focus more on fixing that in the long run.
5. Reread what you said after posting this and noticed I hadn't been enough of a jerk to you. So I think I should add that if someone's bank card doesn't work, a natural thing to do is ask why. After all, it could be a sign that someone stole all of the money. I don't know what story he had about why it didn't work but it must have been pretty convincing...
6. While I'm on this topic, let me say that he isn't necessarily a scammer, just possibly someone who is impulsive and can't accept his mistakes. That being said, I believe you should do some soul searching about what you really want in a man. I'd bet there are some totally useless things you do that undermine men's respect for you. At the same time there may be many signals you didn't see and questions you didn't ask.
tatiana_taranova:
Thank you for your answer. Please let me explain some things.
1. yesterday was my first day on this website, so i was unaware of it. Personally I do think it's quite stupid that if i comment everybody sees my nickname.
2. His wife is sure that her husband made a mistake and wants him back. We had a video chat in QQ with her and I really tried to explain the situation to her. But she barely speaks english. And what she really doesn't want is that me and him ever see each other again. When i talk to her i feel like I am being the only one "bad person" in the whole story. His wife said when she arrived my ex packed his bag and moved to his friend. She has no idea where was he and he won't coming home.
4. I am not involved in this kind of stuff. I have a decent job in a major international company(not a top position, but it's stable so it's ok), but I am into arts and photography, trying to promote my photo projects and I must say it's not easy in my country. So I spend quite a lot on stuff like rent of studio, eqipment etc.
6. I must say that I have never ever come across such situations in my life before. Personally I think it's absolutelly crazy...Like in a silly brazillian tv series alright. I don't seriously think I am sending any signals to attract married chinese men I think I was just naive...
anyway, thank you very much for your comment, it's appreciated...
Tell him you can't see him anymore and you want your money back. Start with that, see what he does. Even email his wife and explain the money thing.
Have one last meeting with him. Tell him to bring the guitar (as, apparently, they cost a lot more here than in HK - thus selling it should get you your money back). Make sure you have some 'friends' with you. IF (and that's a BIG 'if') there is any truth in this guy, then he'll accept it.
If there's not, then you know it's a scam, and you'll NEVER get your money back.
Hope and wishful thinking is a waste of time and energy.
Once it's been decided - let it go.
I'm single and don't need guitar 
Let it go, and remember next time to be more observant of a situation.
If you are that dead set in getting even, and if you have the receipt for the guitar, go to the local Police Station and present a complaint that this fellow has your guitar and will not return it to you, the rightful owner. If you do not have the "fapiao", write it off to experience.
До свидания и удачи вам.
tatiana_taranova:
Hi,
Of course I do not have any receipt. How do you imagine that. I didn't expect this to turn out to be like that eventually. So of course I don't have any receipt...anyway Спасибо!
Ok, if the money is over 2000, then he and his wife just committed a crime. You have his phone number right? Go to police and give them all the information you have, they'll help you track him down and put him in prison.
bonita8187:
once he got caught, he could stay in prison for at least 3 years, if more money than that, then it will be 3 --10 years.
You said you gave him the money...there is no contract nothing written that says he has to return it. If their wasn't a promise then all is lost. Ever watch court t.v. yeah you have to prove that to the judges that you gave him money and how much and for what. It's a lot of work especially if the guy has another side to this entire story.
crimochina:
spoken like a true chinese.
i went to the bank for a loan. they gave me the money in the form of a check. try using that as an excuse not to pay them back.
It could have been worst than the situation you are right now, so from now on be more careful and forget about the money.
