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Q: Have you ever been asked to be an agent for your country?
Simple question. Have you ever been invited to join the tepid cold war?
What secrets does Scotland dare sell? How to make a deep fried mars bar? Surely they'd have to torture you for hours to release such secrets. There are such things that man dare not know...
And New Zealand... What sweet nothings do we whisper into the ears of sheep to lure them into the bliss that is the bond between man and sheep? Such secrets would only leave my lips on the verge of death.
What secrets does Scotland dare sell? How to make a deep fried mars bar? Surely they'd have to torture you for hours to release such secrets. There are such things that man dare not know...
And New Zealand... What sweet nothings do we whisper into the ears of sheep to lure them into the bliss that is the bond between man and sheep? Such secrets would only leave my lips on the verge of death.
I was a lottery agent for my local football club once. Does that count?
Yes, last time I was at home, I got a call from MI5. I had to make a trip to Whitehall and meet up with a guy called M and his beautiful Chinese secretary, Miss Moneyscammer. He told me of a plot to eliminate someone called Agent Eleven.
I was to infiltrate the politburo, get to the kitchens and inject doses of a kind of potion into his baozi.
Miss Moneyscammer brought a briefcase. In it was a range of devices such as "anti baijiu pills". These could be taken to neutralize the effects of baijiu thus making it possible to drink any of the Brylcreem Boys under the table. There was a a device that emitted an infra red beam. I was told that this was the "guanxi developer". If I shone the beam onto any unsuspecting Brylcreem Boy, they immediately became a loyal and creepy servant. The briefcase also contained a number of little London souvenirs such as Big Ben snowglobes, red buses and photographs of the queen, all of which could be used as bribes if I got into trouble.
Miss Moneyscammer then told me I had been assigned a special, easy to remember code to use in communication. I would be agent 0084265319753746289536974287531963796326349621. I was told to memorize my code then destroy any evidence of it.
I was then presented with a London Underground ticket to Heathrow a discount BA economy class ticket to Beijing.
Thankfully, my mobile phone then rang and I woke up. Just another boring day in the office.
Anybody who says yes is lying. If you were a CIA Asset would you tell people? Um no...
...By the way I tried to join the Navy after university but I'm 4-F Asthma.
xunliang:
Thanks for pointing that out. I was just about to believe anyone that said yes.
