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Posts: 614

Shifu

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Q: Have you ever being apart with your partner after Married?

If yes,for How long and How did you manage to go through the situation?

We have never been apart since we are together, Unfortunately,we will have to face the problem soon which is no good,but no choice sometimes when both are not from the same country.

11 years 5 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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At one point I worked in Dalian for a year and my family lived in Wuhan.  I made a monthly 3 day trip to visit them and my wife and I had daily video Skype calls.  We got through it just fine.

 

Now... I am living in the US and my family is living in Guangzhou.  My wife and I have nightly Skype calls and my family is planning on making a trip out here this summer.  

 

The key thing is to have a end time for the separation in sight.  That makes it more bearable if you know when it will end.  Being separated requires a lot of patience and communication.  But if you believe in the other person, then it will all work out just fine.

maggiegirly:

Welcome back,John.

Thanks for sharing and I am glad to hear that things are going well with you guys.

Just wondering Why your family don't move to the US with you?

How often do you see your family now?

Thanks.

11 years 5 weeks ago
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Xpat.John:

Lets just say that not all marriages have a happy ending.  My wife and I had different goals in life and they just didn't match.  We are still friends and I still provide for my boys, but living in 2 different countries is the best thing for right now.  :)

11 years 5 weeks ago
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xinyuren:

Didn't you say you really missed the KTV's and massage parlors in China?   That might be one of the different goals in life you might have had.

11 years 5 weeks ago
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Xpat.John:

Xin,

 

  Actually that had nothing to do with it.  Anyone who does business in China knows the role that KTVs & massage parlors play.  I miss them on many levels for the business memories, the drinking games, the pretty girls and all around fun.  Even though I enjoyed these places, I never did anything with any of the girls that I wouldn't willingly tell my wife about.

 

  The main reason was that life in China was bad for my health.  My blood pressure and mental outlook were suffering terribly.  It just wasn't sane for me to live there any longer.  My wife on the other hand had a great career that she didn't want to give up and that I would never dream of asking her to give up.

 

  If I stayed in China, my work options were almost nil at the level of employment I am used to.  I didn't want to start another company because the market was not right for my expertise and other options just didn't present themselves.

 

That is the reason I left and most of the reason why things ended the way they did.

11 years 5 weeks ago
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CARLGODWIN1983:

I can relate to this.

 

I left China, and left my ex-wife and son here.  Sadly, because she overstayed her UK visa (which I forgave her for, and then came here for her), it is so difficult to get her back to the UK.

 

Divorce was inevitable, especially as I started resenting her for stuffing my life up in the UK after I dropped everything for her.  This was my choice, yes, but, the resentment was delayed as I didn't really discover how bad my future would be until I returned.

11 years 5 weeks ago
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MissA:

Oh, I'm really sorry, John. I hope you still get lots of time with your boys in the future.

11 years 4 weeks ago
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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
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in china, 2 months and then 1 month. both relationships fell apart. but you are married so that is sort of different.smiley

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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
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One time for like 20 days since she was doing tons of homework and preparing for the skill checks at the college (most of her classmates cheated). They were picking random people, and if those random people weren't able to demonstrate sufficient skill, they wouldn't be able to graduate.

 

It was hell for both of us. We missed each other a lot. cool We kept in touch through QQ/webcam, so that helped a lot. Nowadays, my wife doesn't even like being away from me for an hour. I often do all the shopping while she stays home, since... well, recent events.

philbravery:

I got to ask

What possible disguise could you were?

 

I get this image of you in a trench coat , hat and dark glassless ducking into doorways and hiding behind bushes (or in your case large trees )

the trench coat as in secret agent  not the pervert thing

 at this time of year you could borrow a dragon costume .

put a mini flame thrower in it and walk up behind the crazy gang

 

 

 

11 years 5 weeks ago
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Hulk:

LOL

11 years 5 weeks ago
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MissA:

Yeah, just look for the guy with the false moustache, and who is two feet taller than everyone else.

11 years 5 weeks ago
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maggiegirly:

Your wife seems rely on you a lot? smiley

Btw,Have you applied for the visa yet? I mean for your Wife.

 

11 years 5 weeks ago
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Hulk:

We rely on each other. Haven't applied yet.

11 years 5 weeks ago
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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
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My partner is a part of me,

Apart from her, I never be

Apart from when I need to pee

('Cause I can't when she's watching me)

maggiegirly:

mArtiAn,你好像在写诗呢呵呵

写得不错,继续加油哦

11 years 5 weeks ago
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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
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We've been apart a week here and there. Phone, Skype and messaging. It's mainly been me traveling for business.

XPat John has a very valid point in knowing when it will end, something to look forward to as opposed to indefinite uncertainty. 

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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
Posts: 791

Shifu

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Used to do fly in / fly out mining as a consultant. 9 days at work then 4 days at home. I did that for almost 2 years.

Mining construction - away for 10 weeks then home for 1. Did that for almost a year.

I found that the wife developed a routine after a period of time and that routine didn't include me. When you are home you sometimes think you are interfering with her routine!! But then I developed a strategy that had me planning my days off a little better so that both our needs were satisfied and we had quality time together.

Divorced 12 years now but that wasn't due to long separations. By the way that was before skype and similar messaging systems.

What I am saying is that constant contact is the way to go these days and also to have a routine that keeps you busy and not constantly thinking about your partner. Just don't get obsessed with the routine to the point that contact is considered an interruption!

I have a GF in the Philippines now and we maintain lots of contact. Our time apart is 6 months between terms. Just trying to rectify that.  

Working on the visa.

Love triumphs!  angel

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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
Posts: 783

Shifu

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4 years ago we were apart for 1 year,just keep in touch with each other 3 or 4 times a week,even if your busy never cancel it

 

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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
Posts: 783

Shifu

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4 years ago we were apart for 1 year,just keep in touch with each other 3 or 4 times a week,even if your busy never cancel it

 

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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
Posts: 122

Governor

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When we were in Europe she would come to China for 3-4 weeks during the Chinese new year without me, and now I go back to Europe for 2-3 weeks during Xmas without her. It is not a big deal if lasts least than a month. Before we got married we had to spend longer times apart (2-3 months) and then it was very important to count the days left before our next encounter and to try to organize activities that we could share on the internet or by phone 

maggiegirly:

Curious why you guys don't travel together?smiley

11 years 5 weeks ago
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CARLGODWIN1983:

What kind of activities?  

11 years 5 weeks ago
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erokose:

We can't ask for holidays in Xmas and in the Chinese new year, too many days off. I normally take days off in Xmas and my wife does so during the Chinese new year.

 

And about the activities, even if you are away you can watch a movie at the same time, read a book, play games online or many other things

11 years 4 weeks ago
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I've never been married, and don't have much intention (or reason) to.

 

That being said, I had a Chinese girlfriend a couple of years ago, and it really annoyed me when she'd send an SMS, and then ring 5 mins later if I hadn't replied...

 

She also got upset if I didn't answer the phone, or immediately call back...

 

I'm a loner, I'm self-sufficient, and I value my freedom and independance.

 

She thought that if I wasn't spending my free time with her, something was wrong with the relationship.

 

People are different, and have different needs (and wants).

 

People take this 'love' thing very differently. I tend to be cooler in general, and not so 'needy'. But then, I also prefer just having someone with me to hold when watching a video (rather than talking a lot). If you need a lot of talk in your life, it would probably be much harder than if you don't.

 

(also, I'd rather a partner wanted to be with me, rather than needing to be with me)

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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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Nope. We see each other every night, and have since April of 2010.

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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
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Hey Maggiegirly. I have been together with my wife for only four months in the last year and it has not been easy. The worst part is that you become used to not having them around and it's like being single again. It is stressful and worrisome. The biggest problem is that if you have a fight or something it last longer because you're not together. Any minor disagreement we've had seems to last two or three days when it would last an hour or two if we were together. 

I guess though you need to just remember that it will not last forever. You are in for some lonely sad days, but just remember it will not last forever and MOST IMPORTANTLY if you are applying to move to to his country GET EVERYTHING DONE PROPERLY. If you screw up it can cause major delays for you two to get together. In the meantime find ways to enjoy your time alone. You can travel, go out with friends eat whatever you want for dinner and stuff like that. 

 

Good luck. And, as I said, remember it will not last forever. 

maggiegirly:

I agree with you ,being apart is not easy.but like I above said,It happens when both are not from the same country.

It won't be long,I will join my husband once available.

Good luck to you guys too.

11 years 5 weeks ago
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nevermind:

Yeah, the funny thing is that I have met many old married couples who have been together 40 years or more. So, when you think of it, the few months you may be apart is funny and insignificant!

11 years 5 weeks ago
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maggiegirly:

true and it's just anther experience.

 

11 years 4 weeks ago
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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
Posts: 443

Shifu

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My wife regularly has business trips since she started her new job six months ago. Usually 1 week per month we are apart. Before that we never had a single night not together. It can be hard but doesn't need to be. Just get on skype and make sure you talk before going to sleep and it will be ok.

 

Actually, it can be good to have this little time apart. If it's long-term then I don't think it's ok.

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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
Posts: 443

Shifu

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My wife regularly has business trips since she started her new job six months ago. Usually 1 week per month we are apart. Before that we never had a single night not together. It can be hard but doesn't need to be. Just get on skype and make sure you talk before going to sleep and it will be ok.

 

Actually, it can be good to have this little time apart. If it's long-term then I don't think it's ok.

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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
Posts: 78

Governor

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Don't want to think about it.

 

It gives pain in heart.

 

Family needs to be together always.

Amonk:

True that

11 years 5 weeks ago
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11 years 5 weeks ago
 
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Does that count sleeping on the couch after a fight ?crying

maggiegirly:

LOL,Did you sleep on the Couch the other night ?

11 years 4 weeks ago
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