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Posts: 127

Governor

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Q: How can there be a bride shortage and a leftover women issue at the same time?

8 years 35 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Shifu

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I think it's because both Chinese grow old before they grow up, they are unrealistically picky and only care about the face. 

Left over women want  tall,rich and handsome men, tall rich handsome men are usually in their 30s or 40s want young pretty women, not leftover women, young pretty women are too young to be that realistic they only want their romantic, handsome and funny male classmates, the young boys however, are only into computer games or sex but never into marriage...

DrMonkey:

Overpopulation problem solved ^^

8 years 35 weeks ago
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expatlife26:

good perspective

8 years 34 weeks ago
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Posts: 3837

Emperor

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calling unmarried women who are 28+ years old 'left-over' is an attempt to shame them into marrying.

More women are more educated than every before and they realise that uneducated men, as well as not having a very good salary, probably won't treat them as well as educated men.

So they hold off getting married: there is an element of greed as well tied into this.

But there is huge social pressure due to the disproportionate number of single men and 'tradition' for them to marry, and how else can you do this but shame them?

 

this term was actually coined by the 'All China Women's Federation' - an organisation supposedly looking after women's rights, in an attempt to shame and coerce women into marrying.

More women are thinking independently on this issue, but it could also be tied into their increasing 'demands' from a prospective husband.

 

if you can, get your hands on 'Leftover Women' by Leta Hong Fincher - or an online review.

all is not as it seems with the All China Women's Federation......

Lord_hanson:

Anyone would think that the ACWF was just a part of the propaganda department. The sole purpose of the left over women facade is to distract people from the real left over men problem.

8 years 35 weeks ago
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coineineagh:

From a purely biological perspective, pregnancy becomes harder on a woman's body if she is over 25. My mother was 27, and Aberdeen hospital assigned her extra nurses during labour because she fell into the "older women" category. Considering how rigidly Chinese value beauty and childrearing, I can understand why a family worries about the diminishing returns over time, of women's "marketable skills". In a society that doesn't really value skills that improve with experience (quite a contradiction from respecting elders), it must really suck to be a woman. Or a man, for that matter.

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Posts: 1297

Governor

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i

Sorrel I think china is reaping what it has sown from the aborting of girl babies but keeping boy babies only Treating females with disrespect like 2nd class citizens,and that they are inferior to men! No suprise that there are more single men than women! Now that many parents who have been forced into a 1 child policy kill/abort girl babies but have a child a girl and now are in thier retiring years but have only a girl as thier only child to take over the business, plus with men thier age who are supposedly superior who dont respect and who cheat on women in china is it a wonder if a lady wants and will wait for a quality man to marry? Nobody can force love or force it on another person! Even at the age of 28+ years old never married they are very worthy of being a wife even at this age but its her choice! Not to mention they are very attractive!

cub:

thanks for all the thumbs down on my comment! yes, i guess the truth hurts right? so tell me exactly what did i reply that was a lie?

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Emperor

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My life has a real perception on this.

I love my step-daughter..... she is 25 

she has never, to my knowledge, had a boyfriend....  I been around 6+ years.

she is not the least bit interested in guys

she is gorgeous...  great body, exercise and all that shit.  no sa jiao. not petite or white

she is just not interested in a man,  YET ,  I am sure, when Gramma says, or the family says... time is up, no more hard work in Shenzhen, go home, get a man.... I am a wild card.. .as in , sort of like Dad..not an option for being her Man

she will do as she is told... b ut, for now, enjoying life in "the big city" Shenzhen

 

I just read this... strange... like advertising my daughter... but it is not that...she is a very independant girl .... and she and her friends are very similar.... and her English is better than her Mom's, so I have to talk to her from time to time...explain this please.

cub:

Bhgal ,l i see it as single chinese women these days know how most chinese single men are like in china they know what they are expected to do if marrying a chinese man whether good or bad And if a single chinese lady is wealthy maybe from her parents or herself working being successful she knows she has the luxury of choosing on her own time table whom she wants to marry! Also she knows that she has many choices so she is not interested in qantity but quality ok? At least your step saughter has her act together and is intelligent not rushing things mabe ignoring the stereotype of being or almost a left over lady i wish her good luck! im sure u are proud of her!

8 years 35 weeks ago
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andy74rc:

That could be called being lesbian. Nothing wrong with it.....

8 years 34 weeks ago
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8 years 35 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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Does anyone have a link to any article that explains this "issue"?

DaphneNJ:

http://foreignpolicy.com/2012/04/23/the-startling-plight-of-chinas-leftover-ladies/

8 years 35 weeks ago
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ScotsAlan:

Thanks. I was hoping for two links at least

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8 years 35 weeks ago
 
Posts: 724

Shifu

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I think it's because both Chinese grow old before they grow up, they are unrealistically picky and only care about the face. 

Left over women want  tall,rich and handsome men, tall rich handsome men are usually in their 30s or 40s want young pretty women, not leftover women, young pretty women are too young to be that realistic they only want their romantic, handsome and funny male classmates, the young boys however, are only into computer games or sex but never into marriage...

DrMonkey:

Overpopulation problem solved ^^

8 years 35 weeks ago
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expatlife26:

good perspective

8 years 34 weeks ago
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Emperor

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a chinese man will not marry a woman with more money or education than him because of losing face, and since the quality of women is about an 8 and the men are about a 4, well you see the results.

cub:

@ambivalence did u mean a chinese man ''wont'' not ''want'' to marry a wealthier older chinese lady?

8 years 35 weeks ago
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ambivalentmace:

yes, bad china day and typing too fast, also the 21 year royale salute might have been a slight factor, my last bottle that's not fake, time for another border ferry run to korea.

 

the male does lose face if he marries up, sort of a peer pressure from his own family and friends, he does not want to hear the whispers and rumors for his whole marriage that his wife wears the pants and he is not a "yimmer". it is stupid and silly, especially since the women here are smarter and more productive than the men, who would want to be with a dumber woman and less educated unless you need some self esteem by marrying down and like being treated like an atm machine. by the way maybe you need to keep the bottle away also, their not "thier", i dont correct people as a policy, because site participants start accusing you of being a wumao for bad spelling and grammar, but when im not working, i get lazy about formality, capitalization, structure and start behaving like a neophyte

8 years 35 weeks ago
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cub:

thats ok about the grammar typo i use spellcheck bu it didnt flag me on the word thier As i suspected chinese men the culture thing is as long as the lady is less educated not wealthy or less successful then they make perfect wives/slaves so then the man/husband is in control the ''boss'' right? No wonder there are many single leftover women who are smart enough to see through this and dont want to be a slave!

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Posts: 2310

Shifu

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If you look around, see how many girls in school age is around. and compare to boys count. I believe i see more girls than boys now around. probably it comes also with the "possibility to sell daughters for high bid later", so it may probably comes the other way around some 10-20 years later

coineineagh:

boys hang around in internet cafes, but the girls are visible as a form of advertisement. letting the community know there is a marriageable girl present.

8 years 35 weeks ago
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Nessquick:

school age I mean primary school - by our standards it's until about 15 years . so they will not likely be in internet bars :-)

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Shifu

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SpongeBob summed it all, it's because every Chinese are incredibly picky, they have an idea of who/what they want as partner and will not do any compromise.

 

Issue is not to blamed on men only, neither on women but both.

 

-"Leftover" women are highly educated, have successful careers and although they may not be the prettiest when compared to a girl in her early 20s, they consider that they deserve the perfect man, tall, handsome, rich, caring, a good father, ...

 

-Successful men on their side consider that they deserve the best looking women and those are often in their early 20s, they want a young fertile (and if possible virgin) girl, not some 30+ woman who has already experienced most of everything.

 

-Young pretty girls don't want no old man when they can have a young one to experience stuff with, what used to be true in China is less true nowadays, young ladies now tend to date/marry around their age, especially those with first tier hukou.

 

-Young dudes want casual sex anyway. And they expect women to come magically without them having to lift a finger because that's how things have always been in China (arranged marriages). The young men here are very lazy.

 

These "leftover" ladies can't expect successful men to be loose on who to marry when they are themselves being extremely picky. Since they consider themselves as the top of the food chain, maybe they can start the trend and show other people how to be less choosy.

 

---------------------------------------------

 

I find Chinese women much more extrovert and less socially awkward than their male counterparts.

 

On a different topic there is next to no dating scene in China, guys used to not have to do any efforts since their wife-to-be was chosen and introduced to them by the relatives.

Now things are changing and with rising incomes women are not so desperate for marriage or money anymore, also the traditional way of things is being questioned by young ladies, so that requires men to actually do efforts to approach and seduce women.

The problem is Chinese men lack the social skills to please women, the only way they know is flaunting money around but that doesn't seem to work as well anymore now that everyone has ok money.

cub:

random, can it be thats why the younger chinese single leftover or not women 20-30 yrs who are wealthy a good career would rather want to marry a foreign man instead of a chinese man? Because maybe she knows the younger chinese men are not either serious about marriage are fooling around or are intimidated that she is wealthier than him? Or is this just a rumor?

8 years 34 weeks ago
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General

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Very insightful article. I am really feel sorry for people who want to find such idealistic partners
because they fail to take into account that wealth can be squandered, beauty can wane, a good
body may not be guaranteed after child birth. What then when those materialistic or physical qualities are gone? I believe it was John Wilbye who wrote,
Love not me for comely grace,
For my pleasing eye or face;
Nor for any outward part,
No, nor for my constant heart:
For those may fail or turn to ill,
So thou and I shall sever.
Keep therefore a true woman's eye,
And love me still, but know not why;
So hast thou the same reason still
To doat upon me ever.

andy74rc:

1) wealth can be squandered.

Yes, that's what mistresses are for.

2) beauty can wane.

Who cares? Got a mistress.

3) a good body may not be guaranteed after child birth.

Oh, I'll get a mistress then.

8 years 34 weeks ago
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cub:

andy, no wonder chinese women are not in any rush to marry even when they reach the ''leftover'' age! Knowing that chinese men will and can do cheat and will have a mistress after she marries him? They know they can do better!

8 years 34 weeks ago
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RandomGuy:

Well, the advantage of Asian women is they typically stay slim, fit and attractive until menopause in their 50s, even if they have 3 or 4 kids, contrary to White of Black women who lose shape as early as 30 years old, or even earlier if they give birth.

 

Seriously I see many women in their early/mid-40s here that I would gladly bang if I didn't already have a girlfriend. Back home I'm not attracted to the cougar at all.

 

Never wonder why some White women try to shame White guys who go for Asian women, they just can't compete. Genetic is a bitch.

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