Try looking in a different place because where you have been finding them sure does not seam to be working.I used to go out with educated well dressed Ladies then After some time in a not so nice place I came back to the world and met my Ex wife because i simply got used to that life. when I was single again after 16 years I remembed what type of girl I used to go out with and in the process. met my dear wife . she is my best mate and keeps me grounded . we have kids and a house and a good life together. and to seal the deal she puts up with my crap .

No why.

You can have here a healthy relationship, without gold-digging, apathy or compromises that trouble your sleep. If after months of efforts going nowhere, both of you feel miserable most of the time, if things are an explosive mix of love and hate... Break-up, for the sanity of both of you. She might not admit it, so it might unilateral at first. I've been there, it's tough, it hurts, there are tears and dashed hopes.

Then, yes, you can find decent women who have dreams not involving money only, who are mature, can think for themselves, have some emotional intelligence, etc. They are not the easy ones, they are not those who look super fancy, they might not try very hard to look hot... Be patient, date who is willing to date you, beware the early red flags, don't go for too easy girls, you'll find 

  Well I don't know about anyone else's relationship, but as far as mine is concerned, I knew.....I knew from the very first time I laid eyes on my wife.......that she was without a doubt the best, most perfect woman.....that I could get on a teacher's income. And when you look past the mono-brow, the misshapen forehead, and the wooden leg, there is a beautiful woman in there. Somewhere. Deep inside. A beautiful, slightly insane, potentially dangerous woman, that I still turn to every day and say, "Darling.....I love you." Because she is mine. And because.....I really have no choice, it's in my contract and i'm afraid of her.

These questions never seem to get much attention and answers typically lack insight. Kind of says alot really. I really like the way you asked this one. I think you are right on the money by the way. Here's my experience.

I'm in a position where I have to make up my mind in the near future. I fear I might fall into said trap. I fear for my mental comfort or lack of. I probably couldn't meet a nicer Chinese lady and we have a history after meeting in a land far away, originally. I need mental stimulation from friends/a partner and this department seriously lacks in this relationship. We communicate almost like children!Her English is very good though. I don't have any friends here.

I will give it a few more months to see if things get to a point where I can happily get engaged. I refuse to rush in, her parents are pressing even. I'm not looking forward to Spring festival at hers. Think I'm going to feel like a fake. 

There's 4 scenarios as I see it: 1. go through with it and deal with the deficiencies particularly the communication department and start a family soon after hoping it all works out 2. go through with it (with or without additional family members) get to a point where it's untenable and split up 3. drop the whole thing and move back west or further afield hopefully finding the complete One, live happily ever after forgetting the whole China misadventure 4. drop it, either find someone else or not, in any case unless it's amazing/satisfying, I'll long for the path that could have been and regret consumes me. 

In a tough place these days. Dreams were mentioned here before. I always try to interpret my dreams. Since coming here they have pretty much told me to get the flock out of dodge. Love the girl though but maybe this is not enough and maybe it's love for a very good and close friend. 

So I'd really like to know as per OP, what sealed it for you???Did you go with my first scenario?Is or can any relationship be ideal Chinese/Foreigner!?!

I can't stress this enough: learn to communicate with your spouse. I have the worst hearing in the word, and we don't have any trouble communicating. I learned only 1000 Chinese words over the past few years by not actually studying at all, and anything my wife doesn't understand in English, I can explain in Chinese. She can also explain things to me in Chinese if she doesn't know the English.

Communication is important. I think both sides should make an effort to learn each other's language. I can communicate with most Chinese using Chinese, and although I sometimes need translation (sometimes I use it to confirm what I said is correct), it's still good enough to talk to my wife with. I'm basically semi-fluent now.

COMMUNICATION IS IMPORTANT. NEVER SETTLE, OR YOU'LL NEVER BE HAPPY.

For the record, I didn't settle. I wanted a woman who wanted the same things as me, and I was unwilling to budge on them. What I wanted is love and family. I have that now and I'm satisfied.

I completely trust my wife, and she can trust me too. We have a good relationship (had some rocky patches, and we do argue/fight sometimes), and we get along very well. We got a wonderful daughter, and we're both on board with doing whatever we can for the benefit of our children, and for each other.

Finding the right woman is hard. Finding a perfect woman is impossible. Do a lot of research, be honest with yourself and never allow yourself to settle out of fear of being alone, or out of fear that you'll never find another girl like/better than her again.

Actually, I think your question is quite normal.  It spawns from the memory of the excitng life you once had as a single person.  I've got news for you.  EVERYONE who's married feels the same at least once.  It doesn't matter if you married the most gorgeous, sane, intelligent woman alive.  There comes a point where, after smelling her farts and bad breath, you start to doubt your choice.  But the truth is, YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH THEM ALL!  Eventually, everything loses that "new car smell."  If you don't want to grow old alone, then you need to choose one.  My brother is 45 years old, has been engaged 6 times, and has had more partners than anyone I know.  But he is truly alone.  If he found the right woman tomorrow and started having kids, he would be 60 years old by the time that his son would want to throw a baseball with him.  That's sad.  The best feeling in the world is NOT an orgasm (although in the top 5).  The best feeling in the world comes when you are making fake moustaches out of Play-Doh with your daughter and sticking them on her face while your wife grabs the camera.  Everyone is laughing and sharing.  That's joy, and it's 10 times better than a room full of naked women and cocaine.  No, you can't find a better drug unless you SETTLE.  If you think "settling" means "tolerance", "patience" and "the ability to compromise with another person for an extended period of time", then you're right.  And that, my friend, is something to be really damn proud of!  Settled?  Pfff!  Put your ego away.         

I just need to clarify...since my half drunken post...this is meant to address Western men and Chinese woman relationships in China specifaclly...this was not meant to be a broad sociological question but a specific one.

While my question may have sounded condescending it was not meant to do so as this question was borne out of my own previous niave experiences.

But really how much more do you compromise here in China due to loneliness desperation and urges and a longing for comfort?

I didn't compromise in general but sometimes I do in the sense I let me wife get away with things I tell myself I shouldn't. 

But I married a woman that is self-reliant, smart (when she wants to be), can start her own business, kind, a good cook and tries sometimes to understand. 

However, she is a little crazy (perhaps more so than most Chinese women) which is the pay off... but I am sure that is partially my fault as I am a complex person. So did I settle? No... I have high standards. But hey, if she is missing something I need... that's what mistresses are for! =P 

Aaaah, really liked this question from thedude and obviously picked up on the western/chinese aspect of the question. Plenty of green thumbs for the jokey answer and limited to no input from those westerners that tied the knot or committed to a chinese partner. Bet you at least one of those thumbs 'settled'!

Maybe denial is a large part of 'settling' and so this limits discussion possibilities. Again these questions seem to rarely attract any insight. For example the what are the advantages of chinese partner etc etc. You tend to hear some good stuff from prolific posters most often, with hints of or significant insight.

Chinese Nationalism venting and discussion and how to make money freelancing come and go, dissipate to come back again when someone wants to bring it up again, but for me anyway and I imagine various others, the: what sealed it for you, advantages of chinese partners, have you compromised, questions and answers lack attention and heart or substance respectively. 

Anyway, guess it's every man/woman to themselves in the end and you choose your own destiny. Fingers crossed chinese partners are all that when push comes to shove and the one way ticket is not needed!