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Q: How much hongbao should you give for a wedding if its an actual close friend?
In the airport now going to a small town in Sichuan for a wedding. Ive been to weddings before and alwats let my wife handle it. But this is different.
For the past 5 years i have had a group of 5 friends. A mix of chinese and foreigners. We are all really close, see each other most weekends. We know each othets families and talk on wechat or the like every single day.
One of them found a girl around 2 years ago and kind of disapeared. Still talk daily but the va jay jay castrated him. So the group has kinda shrunk. So now hes getting married. And as its a work day today , i was the only one who will make it.
Anyways they had a local dinner last week and i didnt attend and everyone gave them hongbao. 600.
This seems incredibly small for soneone who is a close friend.
A few weeks ago it was my birthday and they all spent more than that on me and i them and thats just a birthday not a damn wedding. Its not a money thing. They all have houses and bmws and shit. So why so little?
When i mentioned that i would be hurt if i was my friend and no one came to his wedding and i wanted to give him more i was told directly not to. Everyone in the group gave 600. Its not like they will lose face. There just adament i dont need to.
If it was a close friend wouldnt you think in the thousands is in order? Normally id relent. But as the only friend going and the only lao wai the.focus will be on me a bit more.
Will my friend lose face if i gave him that? How much would you give a close friend? What would you expect?
800 if a close and personal friend (like family)
600 if a good friend whose assistance you may need later
500 for a good friend - no expectations of anything in the future
Never anything in the 400 range as this means death
300 and less for associates and acquaintances (poll others who are attending the wedding to see what they are giving).
Giving even amounts (888, 777, 666, etc) is more face-giving.
You are not the only one giving, so don't worry about the amount. The money will go to her parents or elsewhere, it's not like they'll have a public notice of whom gave what. "It's the thought that counts."
cooter:
I agree with the suggested amounts. However, at all the weddings I've been to, the hongbao givers will write their names on the hongbao's they give, so the receivers will know who gave how much. At one particular wedding, the person in charge of accepting the hongbao's from the guests was keeping a real time list of names matched with RMB amounts as they received them. So, it's not necessarily a public announcement....but surely easy enough for typical prying Chinese eyes to come and have a look-see.
500 for me is fair but mike you should give as per your reputation... 
Honestly, if I was a BMW-driving, house-owning person going to my good friend's wedding, knowing that the money was actually going to be used by the (hopefully) happy couple to improve their lives, yes, I'd agree... thousands wouldn't be out of the question!
However, if said friend also had their own BMW and house, not so much... I'd probably ditch the HB, and just buy something nice and interesting - for sentimentality!
I don't give a rat's arse about the 'face' bit of it - I care about my friend, his or her happiness, and their needs. (I have a Chinese friend getting married next year - it's something I'm going to have to consider!)
Shining_brow:
Oh, I also think in terms of "what have I done to earn my money?", or "how long to get X amount?"
When that answer is something like "1 week", then I'd say it's not a great loss!
If the answer is "2 hours", then it doesn't say a lot about the friendship.
Also, if someone easily buys a newmike695ca:
These are all good points....... No he doesnt need the money. And im sure it all goes to his parents and they planned everything. He flew up yesterday. Ive always been under the impression that its better to give what you can. Where 100 from a poor man is much more than 1000 from a rich man. But everyone seems to think that its not about the money its just good luck for them. And the parents get it anyways. So i gguess ill go 800 as its the luckiest, but ill keep my eye out for others.
Remember some families have a tradition of giving half back. So it can be a gamble.
mike695ca:
I think thats only in the south where we are. Im pretty sure im not getting it back haha.
Hongbao just for someone meet some happy things in his life and you as a friend of him to express your blessing。Not mean help , it is totally different.
And if some send you a big hongbao and you will send him back if same things happened to him. It not like bonus.
If you get 600 in your wed and maybe one day you will send back 1000 to whom send 600 to you.
It is very trouble things in life of china.
Don't give him money. Give him a simple gift and a firm handshake accompanied with your best wishes. That's real. Filthy, stinking HB's are not.
It's the pursuit of filthy lucre that's responsible for this race of people being so untrustworthy.
Read my new blog about weddings on this website.
Have a nice time.
I'd adjust it both based on level of friendship but also venue.
Distant friend + crappy venue = 300
Distant friend + fancy venue = 500
Close friend + crappy venue = 500
Close friend + fancy venue = 900
(numbers are not to be taken as accurate guidelines)
Note. As far as I know it is bad luck to give an even amount in hong bao. 500 is not an even amount by Chinese math skills, 400 is. Go figure.
We usually give 500 as a couple, the fanciest wedding we've been to would have been less than 200 per head in food/venue expenses.
Scandinavian:
oh, remember of course only crisp new bills, straight from the print. Go to the bank teller with a hong bao envelope and she will understand.
Shining_brow:
400 is also a bad number in general.... you know, 4=death.
Scandinavian:
@Shining. I am a "Know-it-all-except-superstisious-crap" kind of guy ;)
