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Q: How will you act If your friends said No to you?
especially when you ask them for help,I know I will feel embarrassed and I probably won't ask them again.
actually,there's no harm in asking,all they do is say "yes" or " No".
If they say "no"?
Not everyone can help with everything all of the time, get over it.
I hate people who say yes because they feel obliged to, and then you end up with some half assed help where it would have been better without.
Saying "NO" rocks. ANd I will say no myself if what people asks somehow doesn't fit me, sure I'll clear my calendar if a good friend asks for help moving a piece of heavy furniture, but if same friend asks for help with something I am not good at (like moving heavy furniture) then I'll say no.
If friendship cannot handle a no, then it is not worth it.
Scandinavian:
Maggie. I know where your question comes from. If right now I went out onto the street, asked one of the guards at the entrance to the community if he would come and lift the front of my car while I change the wheels, he'd not say no, but come along and then fairly late in the project realize he is not able to lift a car.
I think it is nice that there is a general tendency of people helping when asked. But blindly saying yes is just not always correct. I think it goes to the parenting technique (or lack hereof) used in China. Parents just don't say no to their kids.
You should think and behave similar as cat!
'Cat at fall always lands on its feet'. ''No' from your friend' equals 'cat at fall'.
I'll might sound strange, but I hate when somebody calls me 'my friend'!
It never happened, somebody would say to me: 'My friend, here is $100 for you!', and it always happen: 'Ohhh, my friend (can you) do me a favor?
Run away, when addressed with 'my friend'!
It's different with the girls!
'All girls are my friends!' is my answer to Q: 'Do you have a GF?'
The Chinese don't say no. They just beat around the bush, make a million excuses and lie through their teeth without ever actually saying "no".
I would just move on and plan accordingly...
People have their own things to do and their own plans, fair enough : they might have to visit a relative, one child is a bit sick, they might long for a quiet week-end, they might have to clean-up the roof, whatever. I don't even ask why my friend can't help me, it's his/her life and I won't peek into it. I don't like to be trapped in a web of obligations, so I don't trap my friends either in such a web. My friends are people I like to talk with and with whom we share common memories, giving a hand is completely optional.
Obviously, if someone asks a lot but never give a hand, then, I would feel exploited and I will likely become distant.
it will be embarrassing to you if you usually help them and then when you ask them for a hand they say no to you , in this case i wouldn't consider them as real friends,
The myth says that Chinese don't say no directly but from what I see everyday Chinese mostly to say bu keyi ( I can't ) bu zuo ( I don't do it) bu (no) or they don't reply to your message which more rude than saying NO. You can always say no but say it politely for example I say I would like to help you but I don't have time now.
Depend, if it's a straight "no" from the beginning and that the person doesn't waste my time then I will take it well and not get angry.
If the person first say "yes", get me to prepare whatever I planned with him/her, then become hesitating, then say yes again, then finally no at the last moment, then I will get angry and if I had any wasted extra expense for this person then he/she will have to pay me back before I leave, then I will become distant.
Sadly most people in China are like the second case.
xinyuren:
totally agree. If you mean no, just say it in the beginning and no hard feelings. If your yes changes to no later, you will be on my sh*t list.
I respect friends who know how to say NO. Being a "yes man" is very irresponsible and cowardly. It means a person is not serious about his obligations. A person who says no understands that he can't do everything for everyone and he has priorities. In general, I person who sometimes says no is more trustworthy, whereas a yesman is just kissing your ass.
a 'no' is not always a rejection of friendship.
As the other posters point out, it can mean a few things:
1) it is not convenient at the time you need help
2) I am unable to do the thing you ask
in my experience, friends always give a reason for being unable help at a given point.
likewise, i am not always free 24/7 to help others - i'm not a doormat and have my own life, but friends know i will help when and where i can
with strangers, my expectations are different: i expect fewer 'yes' answers, unless it is a specialist i ask
