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Q: How's my bf?
I have dated him for about 3 weeks, he's a very loving caring bf, he treats me very well. He's very cool and artistic and 10 years older than me which means he's 40.
But there's one problem, he spent so much money on traveling, he likes traveling so much. He traveled almost the whole world and the whole China and he just bought his ticket to Japan again.
He quit his full time job on 2015 and for freelance writting for college students for making a living. So he's always in and out of Shanghai and lives in diffrent hotels. I even wondering if he has any career plan or savings.
I talked with him that I'll need to get married one day in my life, I told him one of the main reason I want to get married because my old parents feel sad and worry about me to be single and I don't want to upset them as it's hard to change them. and he said he understands me and he does not aganist marriage but he said he'll consider about it after dating 9 monthes.
All I know about he is that he an American Jewish, he told me his mother is a racist and doesn't like him to date black girl, so maybe she will not like me too. He told his father owns several business in the US. He told both of his parents don't like his lifestyle.
But with his situation, I can't help worry still.
oh my GOD ! this is what happens when a girl moves from a village to Shanghai city, almost every girl i met in shanghai is as viki
3 weeks !!!! and you discuss marriage !
Viki87:
Not just me, many western guys talked marriage with me before even meet me. They are more desperate.
Shining_brow:
Does "talked marriage with me" include the line "I never want to get married"???
Mr_spoon:
Yeah, they're just desperate, and totally not trying to get into your pants by using your cultural obsession with marriage.
Right.
"I talked with him that I'll need to get married one day in my life, I told him one of the main reason I want to get married because my old parents feel sad and worry about me to be single and I don't want to upset them as it's hard to change them"
This is not a good reason to get married. You should marry because YOU want to.
"He quit his full time job on 2015 and for freelance writing for college students for making a living. So he's always in and out of Shanghai and lives in different hotels. I even wondering if he has any career plan or savings"
So he's a drifter....do you really think he'll be around in 9 months to still be dating you?
"he told me his mother is a racist and doesn't like him to date black girl, so maybe she will not like me too."
Did you ask him about his Mothers views about Chinese? Thing is...being Jewish his Mother probably wants him to marry a nice Jewish girl...but it does sound like he is independent of his family.
To be honest, it sounds like he likes his traveling and probably won't want to settle down in China....
Viki87:
Hotwater, that's my concern too, I really not sure if he'll settle down for me.
But so far, he's being very caring and loving to me, I'll feel sad if I leave him. He's the bf who treated me the best after my another ex I dated on 2014.
My current boyfriend will constantly pay my meal, bought me fruit I like, make me tea, worrying the lights will affect my sleeping while he's writting at night. My heart feel touched. Such a caring and throughtful bf, he's more mature, he doesn't fight with me, he has a very good temper.
Viki87:
"I talked with him that I'll need to get married one day in my life, I told him one of the main reason I want to get married because my old parents feel sad and worry about me to be single and I don't want to upset them as it's hard to change them"
This is not a good reason to get married. You should marry because YOU want to.
Hotwater, I have to admit you are right, but seeing old parents upset makes me sad, I am raised by my Chinese parents, this part of me can't completely go pursue all I want while making them upset. Yes that's one of the main reason I want to get married.
If I am an orphan, I may not want to get married fast for not upsetting my parents, will take a longer time ye find the one. But still I myself will like a husband and my own kids.
My current bf told he doesn't want kids, I am not sure he doesn't want now or doesn't want forever.
Viki87:
From conversation with him, I sensed his parents want him to marry a Jewish girl.
He told his mother is arrogant and racist, I hate woman likes her. She's just a housewife to a businessman, she has no right to decide her son to not be with me, if she did that, that would be horrible.
Yes my bf is independent of his family, he's artistic and has thus long curly brown hair. Works like an artistic, his voice is sexy. Everytime while he's calling my name outside, I feel like now I belong to him and I am no longer alone anymore
Shining_brow:
Get ready to have your heart broken.
The things you describe are sort of normal (other than always paying for you!!! And, if he's really independent, then that's going to get old quick)
I thought you were totally opposed to dating older men???
Viki87:
Get old quick? What's this?
He is so caring and he emailed me everyday, he does not like using mobile.
He met me several times a week.
I could feel he's always being protective and trying to take care of me. Usually I won't date old guy, but he's so sweet and I couldn't help.
I could hear him giggle while I gave him a cute nickname. Oh well, the dating gets romantic, his long hair is sexy.
I was trying to sleep, he's trying to not let the light influence me. I feel he really likes me.
Shining_brow:
"I was trying to sleep, he's trying to not let the light influence me. I feel he really likes me."
Ah, most would consider ir RUDE and SELFISH to NOT ask if it's bothering you! Perhaps it says a lot about the sort of guys you're used to...
Was rejected by a Jewish girl in college also...we fooled around but couldn't date because I wasn't Jewish...My 1st experience with the silent NYC racism.
Shining_brow:
And the infuriating thing about that is they don't think it's racist (or any other 'ist').
seansarto:
That was my first real experience with, by what is by all means, the living definition of racism..She said she could fool around with me, (and we did), but she could never have sex with me or date me because she was basically reserving her reproduction mechanism and bloodline for a "nice, Jewish" boy...She understood herself as a mechanism for unnatural selection...by unnatural, I mean socially contrived, not physiological..I went on to date Black girls and Latino girls and Asian girls and it was never taken as far as it was with that Jewish girl. It is, to me, completely unrealistic to frame the conversation of racism without Judaism being mentioned.
Shining_brow:
Vicki -- the whole "don't taint our pure, sacred bloodline with outsider skank" is common to many people, cultures, nations, religions, etc etc... It's pretty strong here in China too! As you say you've experienced.
Look for a new guy. 9 months, Ha Ha. Lots of guys make this excuse. If he likes you, time won't matter.
oh my GOD ! this is what happens when a girl moves from a village to Shanghai city, almost every girl i met in shanghai is as viki 3 weeks !!!! and you discuss marriage !
Viki87:
Not just me, many western guys talked marriage with me before even meet me. They are more desperate.
Shining_brow:
Does "talked marriage with me" include the line "I never want to get married"???
Mr_spoon:
Yeah, they're just desperate, and totally not trying to get into your pants by using your cultural obsession with marriage.
Right.
It's your life not your parents. In fact, I strongly dislike Chinese parenting... it usually goes something like this...
- force to have kid
- hands kid over to grandparents to take care of... grandparents usually spoil them
- kid grows up and has tons of pressure to do well in school and get a high paying job
- kid is pressured to get married
- kid is pressured to have children
- kid is FINALLY somewhat set free but already quite traumatized and still under parent's control
---
Screw that noise. Your BF sounds like a free spirit, you talking to him about "committment" "marriage" "pressure" is only going to TOTALLY turn him off. If a person starts talking seriously about marriage after three weeks it makes them look desperate. I mean mentioning it and discussing what kind of life you have is pretty much fine. It saves people from wasting time with the wrong person.
Your BF's type is most likely someone who will never get married, never settle down and can never be kept in one place too long. If you don't like that type of person, then I suggest your keep looking.
Viki87:
Robk, I understand what you mean. That's my concern too.
I talked to many guys, most guys don't have patient to communicate with me, they'll quickly delete me from wechat if I don't agree many things they said. I feel so tired yo deal with guys without patient and an open mind.
My current bf is very cool at communication, which made me feel very comfortable. I feel like I am falling for him. I really don't want to leave him now 
Viki87:
I am confused about what you post.
First you said:
Screw that noise. Your BF sounds like a free spirit, you talking to him about "committment" "marriage" "pressure" is only going to TOTALLY turn him off. If a person starts talking seriously about marriage after three weeks it makes them look desperate.
Then you said:
I mean mentioning it and discussing what kind of life you have is pretty much fine. It saves people from wasting time with the wrong person.
So is good to tell a bf who I just dated for few weeks about my marriage plan or not?
"the main reason I want to get married because my old parents feel sad and worry about me to be single and I don't want to upset them"
are these the same parents (mother) you bad-mouthed and abused in your other post?. You must really be a 'billy no mates' if you are posting this sort of stuff online and don't have real-life friends to talk to.
<>
Viki87:
I said one of the main reason, not the main reason.
That mean one of the main reason is I myself want to get married too, I like to have a husband.
Don't change my words.
Shining_brow:
", I told him one of the main reason I want to get married because my old parents feel sad"
yeah Blondie... you cut at the wrong spot!
tell him you need to settle down and have stability, so he should give you his salary card, buy you a house on your name and do exactly like you say, building his life around you and your needs and wishes.
I like how you casually complain that he spends money on his favorite hobby.
How dare he spend his hard-earned money on his passion rather than on some self-entitled nobody! The scoundrel! The rascal! The ruffian!
