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anonymous
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Q: IN MAINLAND CHINA ONLY: Chinese women are advised by parents/society to MARRY UP but ........

RE: MAINLAND CHINA CHINESE MEN ONLY topic: Chinese women are advised by parents/society to MARRY UP.  However, that may not be the way to go anymore.  How about foreign women will we have to marry down?

 

Here is what I have observed as the scale of Chinese men in China habits.  Of course this does not mean one sizes fits all but I am fairly darn close.

 

1.        THE RICH CHINESE GUY:  They have a large newly found ego and he has the 3c (cash, car, condo).  They now have the ability to get a submissive trophy wife that preferable does not possess much intelligence so he can be king of the household.  His ambition in life is get a baby then a mistress.  By age 40 he may look 50.

2.       The mistress:  Women can spend time to be a mistress without the complications of marriage and be treated better than the wife.  Sometimes, he will fall in love with this mistress and it can be long term.  Except a woman should never under mind the situations as she is on borrowed time/unstable situation.  Any day he can decide to find another mistress and ask you to leave his apartment.

3.       The ABC / BBC/CBC in China-  His guy is a combination guy of # 1 and  #5.

4.       The traditional guy-   This guy is difficult to find OR maybe not.  Usually he is a bit under educated or only has an associate / bachelor degree.  He marries his first or third girlfriend and is inexperience in bed.  He will take care of his wife and even tell her “It his responsibility to take care of her and the family”.  He can be loyal.  He may out of peer pressure have one mistress in his life time then back to his traditional ways.  He is determined however the competition for jobs keeps him middle to upper-lower class. A farmer may fit in this category.

5.       The guy with a Masters & above degree- He is a smart guy with some connections. He wants a smart girl but the so called “left over women” are not his first choice.  He wants what #1 guy has but may not have ALL the 3c.  However, without realizing the “left over woman” is his best choice as both can grow together and make a wonderful life.  Most of the time, she has beauty and brains.

6.       The traveling man-   He lives in one of the 3 top cities of China but his wife still lives in the country side somewhere the city name  is hard to pronounce. He is a “business man” or sometimes a labor worker. Since all his money goes back home he does not have the 3c in his newly found city life.  The business man is caught between #1, #4, and wanting the mistress.  He goes without sex for months at a time but craves more.  Since he married his second girlfriend he has NO skills to romance a woman so he losses out.  He may get lucky here and there but not smart enough to keep his lucky charm.  This guy may live this way for years at a time so he learns to go without.  Divorce is never an option.

7.       The guy who studied abroad -  This guy sees himself as different and better than other Chinese men.  He prefers Western women.  He is still guy #5 with some of the 3c.  He wants to preserve what he learned in the West but western women don’t feel comfortable with him as he is still guy #5.  He thinks “left over women” are:  1. Demanding and their middle name is “want” perhaps even the gold digger 2.  He thinks they are “you can get the girl out of the ghetto but you can not get the ghetto out of the girl” mentality.  Therefore, they do not give them a chance and not all are gold diggers.  However, this “left of girl” is highly ambitious and desires a better life with her mate.  She will naturally outgrow PRADA & GUCCI.  So in a sense, it’s the same mentality of a Western girl?

8.       Divorced man:  He feels a shamed for getting divorced as it’s against society.  He is now poor because his wife kept everything.  Years go by before he decides to find a real commitment again.  But he does not  know how to romance woman or even worse is a shame for his divorce.  

9.       The one who thinks all Western women are easy-  This guy is stupid.  He needs to see what the real world is like and not follow society advice.  This guy probably has some type of STD since he is not smart enough to protect himself with his lay mentality.  China has a crisis with STD / HIV cases already so jumping from one hot pot to another is just no good in China.

 

Did I foget any ?

 

……………so what is a girl to do ?  Do you continue to try to marry up per your mum request ?

 

Most Chinese men smoke which makes their teeth yellow, impotent, & age fast.  Not to be totally negative because I have met very few descent ones. 

10 years 17 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
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Posts: 915

Shifu

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Length. Too much length. Hurts my brain. No answer. What is the question?

Maybe tomorrow.

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10 years 17 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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There are fine men in China, despises the worrying quirks of a Chinese society. I met educated, open minded, moral men while traveling in remote countryside places, like in Sichuan, Yunnan...They are backpackers, discrete guys in daily life. Travel a bit in the country and you might meet one. Also, you can check the blogs Speaking of China, Sarah Jaaksola's blog, China Elevator Stories. Those girls found fine guys in China...

 

Scandinavian:

but are these "men" allowed to choose their own spouse ? 

10 years 17 weeks ago
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10 years 17 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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After reading this, my conclusion is that you are well and truelly a

 

LEFT OVER WOMAN - or rather, you feel like that - left over.

 

Become a travelling farmers business mistress!

belle_watson:

What is "truelly"? 

10 years 17 weeks ago
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Scandinavian:

the traveling farmers have one problem, they plant crop but then leaves to never harvest their crop

9 years 28 weeks ago
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10 years 17 weeks ago
 
Posts: 446

Governor

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Don't most women want to marry up?  We are surely naive around here.

 

It's the rules of the game.

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10 years 17 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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Somebody got their hands on some coke. 

 

How about a 50 word limit on posts???

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10 years 17 weeks ago
 
Posts: 190

Governor

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Is that your observation?

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10 years 17 weeks ago
 
Posts: 19

Governor

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This is interesting.  Just when I thought I had this Chinese culture thing figured out...

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9 years 28 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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This is interesting.  Just when I thought I had this Chinese culture thing figured out...

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9 years 28 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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Marry up/marry down. In here lies the problem. 

If a girl comes from a wealthy household with a long tradition of domestic violence, and she marries a dirt poor guy who adores her and treats her as can only be described in the fairytales. Has she not married up. I think she has. An iPhone + a black eye just will never be the same as a lifetime of hand holding. 

 

It's the greed of the Chinese people that is destroying the society. There are no values except monetary. It's sad, very sad. Sure as the monkey said, there are good people who can see past the glitter, but in my experience they are few and far between.

Burak43:

"I'd rather cry in a BMW than laugh on a bike" to quote one famous example of what you're talking about.

9 years 28 weeks ago
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Scandinavian:

Nah, that is an apples to apples comparison, I am talking apples to oranges. Wealth with violence.

9 years 28 weeks ago
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9 years 28 weeks ago
 
Posts: 7178

Emperor

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As scan says " Marry up/marry down. In here lies the problem."

 

I totally agree.

 

Because if you believe you are "above" someone, then it's not really the best start.

 

Racial equality, disabled equality, gender equality, sexuality equality etc.  All good and noble causes worth the fight to achieve.

 

The one that has slipped through the net of course is this whole class thing. Such a shame.

 

It's more than a cultural thing. It's a human thing.

 

And yup, I know this is an old thread wink.

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9 years 28 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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But most foreigners who come here are (usually) better educated and more knowledgeable about the world, have some source of income, have a slightly better developed level of 'morals' and 'standards', and a desire not to live here for the rest of their lives.

 

Surely that, by definition, is 'moving up'?

 

so, how now brown cow - when you choose to marry someone? (or, must your partner be similar???) Can't a girl (or, very unusually, a guy) want the things you have?

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9 years 28 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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I couldn't understand which points were important cause it wasn't bolded correctly. 

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9 years 27 weeks ago
 
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My observation though is that thanks to Chinese business practices (nepotism, sycophancy, cronyism etc), the upwardly mobile in China would be the peasants of any developed and modern society.

 

Just look at what happens to their businesses when they emigrate to western countries. They have no hope of ever making any money outside of a klepto-gerontocracy with cheap labour to exploit.

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9 years 27 weeks ago
 
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