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Q: My European friend told me most couples(Chinese-westener)get divorced after 3-4 years,is that true?

My European friend told me marrying to a westerner is dangerous because One:Many women wants to attract western men even the men are married.

Two :Most couples(Chinese-westerner) get divorced after 3-4 years because of culture diffrence.

What do you think?Any married (Chinese-westerner)couple can tell me more?

10 years 16 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
Answers (18)
Comments (38)
Posts: 298

Governor

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Unless you find ture love of course.

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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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  Really? Cool. I must be about done.

Victoria1987:

How about you?

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Paulberger:

@Martian does your wife read your comments?

10 years 16 weeks ago
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mArtiAn:

  As a matter of fact the way I write on here is just the way we speak to each other at home. If I piss her off she doesn't make a snide comment that gets under my skin and festers, she calls me a dumb, hick, donkey-f***ing, Brit c**t. Generally by the time we've got finished with our insults one of us is laughing. It keeps the air clear. My honest answer to Victoria is that it doesn't surprise me if such marriages often fail. Cultural differences and communication problems can bring major challenges to a relationship. Fortunately for me and my wife, neither of us is traditional in matters of culture, plus she has a masterful grasp of the English language, on top of which we are truly and deeply in love with each other, so, fingers crossed I think we can go the distance. Welllll, unless I find something better. 

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

You better get satified with your wife,dont think about unless get something better.She seems like good enough for you.You are a lucky man who gest a woman can work things out with you.And you would like to talk about the problem as well.it is good for your marriage.I truly hope I can meet a man who can be mature enough to listen and communicate with me .Why it is so hard for me ?All boys I met are nothing like that except the American guy I met from this forum,he was good,but he backed to the US because he couldn't find a good job in Shanghai.

Well,Joss,if you read my post,I hope one day we can be partner if both of us are still single in the future,you are someone worthy to be with.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Ashita76:

because any guy with a little bit brain would be frustrated to talk with you for more than 3 minutes.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

Ashita76,you stupid bastard.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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mArtiAn:

Victoria, that comment about finding someone better was a joke. The joke being that first I profess my deep, deep affection for my wife, then out of the blue suggest I might casually drop that for 'something better'. A person would have to be really shallow to think like that, i'm surprised you don't get the.....................ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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We're at 3 years of marriage, were together for a few years prior to that. 

 

Often people talk about the 7 year itch too. I think people who do so are the ones that will think they need to f$ck up their relationship after 7 years

Victoria1987:

May  I kown where is your wife comes from?

10 years 16 weeks ago
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10 years 16 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

I think both of you two are open to communicate and listen to each other.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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reading between the lines sweet Victoria,,,,   u seem to ask time and again if Chinese girls are compatible with 'Western' men.  The simple answer is Yes.  go have a relationship,,, will it fall apart/end ?  yes, maybe.  Is that a good reason to not do it?  No.   

 

~Life is Not a Spectator Sport~

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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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Vic, don't take the risk and believe what your friend say. It comes from an ancient saying too......

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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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It depends on communication, not speaking, but undertsanding. Sex is very important to us, so do it well and there will be no divorce. Hey only telling you the truth.

andy74rc:

How much the divorce rate in China?

10 years 16 weeks ago
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ironman510:

Haha good point..

10 years 16 weeks ago
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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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My mother is Chinese and my father is American. 30 years since October. Granted my mother wasn't from China, rather Malaysia and speaks perfect English BC she was forced to go to Catholic school in Singapore and worked as a nurse in London for many years. Do they fight, of course. What married couple doesn't? Is the culture difference an issue, of course, its your culture. But they were always open to each other and listened to one another.

Victoria1987:

good couple.I wish I can find a guy who would like to open to me and listen to me.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Paulberger:

its all about trust victoria.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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sorrel:

and listening goes both ways......indecision

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Paulberger:

@sorrel we do listen, but whether we comprehend what you say is another story...broken heart

10 years 16 weeks ago
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sorrel:

@ Paul: my comment was for Victoria, who occasionally has a problem about listening to other people

10 years 16 weeks ago
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MissA:

Occasionally???

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

I was seeing a western guy before,I wanted to communicate with him because of misunderstsanding between me and him,he just told me he didn't want this drama anymore and goodbye forever.How come I could work a relationship out with someone like that? I was not very childish in relationship,I was trying to ask the question and talked about it,but I couldn't do it myself if he didn't open to listen to me.

He deleted me on skype and backed to his own country,lol.Well done,it is truly a forever goodbye.I was really wanted to ask a question at that time to western guys:What is the fucking stupid selfish mind you have got?

10 years 16 weeks ago
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MissA:

Victoria, I'm normally extremely hesitant to talk about 'western guys' as a collective, because that term refers to such a wide range of people as to be almost meaningless...but  this time I'll make an exception.

 

You can pretty much assume with any westerner you come across that he will HATE drama. Hate, hate, hate it. Causing drama, or having him perceive that you like/want drama in your life, is the most effective way to get rid of a guy. 

 

I cannot think of any guy I know; friends, relatives, my boyfriend, exes, flatmates past and present, that would actually welcome a drama-filled relationship. Most will head for the hills...

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

MissA,I am so doubt,everytime he got unhappy with me to stay in his apartment at night,he always had excuse for something to deal with tomorrow and couldn't let me stay here over the night,I doubt if he got a girlfriend already.Why so many excuses?He told I caused the drama,why not he think about himself?I told him I would stay at his place tonight on skype,he misunderstood my words,and I throught he agreed for me to stay.After I came and didn't wan't to leave latter,he got mad at me.I tried to explain to him that there was a misunderstanding between us,but he didn't listen and not speak with me,I didn't leave immediately as he told me to go,after a while it was about 9:38PM if I can still remember,I got sad and left his apartment at night.He was just sitting there watching TV without even speaking one word to me..I was there for a while and.latter I figured out the subway stopped,I paid myself one night in a hotel just near to his apartment,I texted to him and told I hate him and he wasted my money.He told I could catch the last train and he didn't want drama anymore.I spent like 2 hours to take the subway to come to meet him at that night after finishing the job.I was causing the drama,he was nothing wrong?

10 years 16 weeks ago
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brother1818:

Sounds like a bootycall 

10 years 16 weeks ago
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sorrel:

'drama' can also include shouting at someone - even if you are 'trying to explain' 

 

10 years 16 weeks ago
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MissA:

Yup, victoria, you were being used as a booty call in that particular situation. Now, there's nothing wrong with an informal 'arrangement' of that type, if that's your thing, but if you want something more serious, find someone who is more interested. It's pointless here trying to appropriate or accept 'blame'; you like him he's not so interested. It happens to the best of us. Accept it and move on.  

10 years 16 weeks ago
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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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if you are asking this question you are not old enough to be in a relationship anyway

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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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Victoria, a  husband is like a car.

 

After a while, the battery runs out, the tires fall off, the doors don't open so well and the upholstery becomes frayed.

 

Therefore, just as you should buy a new car every 3 - 4 years,  you should also trade in your husband or your boyfriend for a new model every now and then.

 

 

And make sure that when the time comes to divorce him, that you have a good divorce lawyer ready so you can take him to the cleaners for all he is worth. I have gotten wealthier with each outbound husband. And the poor fools were always caught in flagrante delicto.

ambivalentmace:

this should be the philosophy of both male and females, perhaps marriage could be a legal contract without emotions from the beginning, some places in the west now have contracts for marriage that state how many times the couple have sex in a week.

once every 3 days will keep the man content, perhaps not completely happy, but more than 3 days, the marriage is no longer an ongoing viable transaction.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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tomcatflyer:

And you think wives remain in perfect showroom condition, I think not.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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andy74rc:

What? Once every 3 days? Do you wanna make me dying on a stroke?

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

Making love every day will be perfect unless one is tired because of work or some other things.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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This is the Plan??

Victoria1987:

i want to kown more for the future

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Shifu

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My wife comes from Nanning and we have been married seven years and still going strong. Openness goes both ways, but you need to make up your own mind. You have told us here about people you met at the hostels, KFC etcetera, I would have though you would have had a better insight by now. Also you told us many times about what your friends say. Make your own mind up Victoria, if you spend your life just following what everyone else says you will never be happy, simply because they are not you. you have to do what is right for you. If you are not old enough or mature enough to do this then you are not mature enough for any long term relationship, let alone a mixed culture one.

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I've been married to my wife for over 1 year, and we've been friends for over 4 years. We have no plans to get divorced, and we're both 100% faithful.

 

We do fight sometimes because of cultural differences, though. Co-sleeping was our biggest fight ever. Finally, we worked it out. Communication is important, and we communicate pretty well.

 

It helps that we can both use Chinese so there aren't any communication errors, although most of the time it needs to be written down for me since I barely understand spoken mandarin. Actually, we do have some communication issues sometimes, like this:

 

me: Do you want a pizza?

her: No, I want meat.

me: Okay, I can get two big pieces of meat for $2.50.

her: I said I don't want pizza.

me: No, a piece of meat.

her: NO! No pizza!

me: What? Listen to me, I can buy you a piece of meat and coo---

her: NO PIZZA!

me: I didn't say pizza. I can buy you a piece of me-

her: How stupid you are! No pizza!

me: Uh, what? Are you fucking stupid? 哦,我的意思是,我可以买到你一个肉片。。。

her: Oh... hahahaha...

 

We can laugh about this shit, but I can't trust her to order "chicken nuggets" at McDonalds due to the... awkward way she pronounces "nugget." And so on. So, communication is important. etc. I couldn't be happier. Unless I had a second wife. Need 2 of them. Or 7.

Victoria1987:

That is the problem of marring with a girl who even can't speak English very well.Long time ago,a Russian guy introduced me a tall handsome Italian guy,I didn't want to date him because he spoke bad English.lol.I need a guy who can talk with me as well,it is a way a real relationship can work.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Victoria1987:

You are crazy,be careful about your young wife might see your posts here.She might use google translation,lol.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Hulk:

Actually, she speaks English really well, she just makes a few mistakes here and there. I correct her every time. She writes it even better, and her reading is top-notch. She's ready for U.S. colleges already.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Robk:

I guess piece of meat... does sound like pizza lol

10 years 15 weeks ago
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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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double post. downvote me

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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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Victoria, I'll make you a deal. I'll get you pregnant and our out-of-wedlock, illegitimate, bastard baby will be a U.S. citizen that can easily bring you to America. Then you can sue me for child support and go find another guy. You gotta give me the baby, though. I don't trust you to raise my Hulkspawn.

 

LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.

TMaster:

US illiteracy figures don't look bad enough to you ?

10 years 16 weeks ago
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MissA:

Surely, if you're raising the kid, you get the child support. 

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Hulk:

Actually, there have been several incidents of the reverse happening. Nothing is usually ever done about it since U.S. law is biased towards the woman 97% of the time.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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Don't get married. Some countries only have 3 year marriages, then you must renew it if you want to continue. I think it s legal to shoot your wife when you divorce her in  N. Korea.

 It is better to have a new mate every day.

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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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In a side note: You will find that your fellow Chinese friends have a lot of prejudice and advice on how foreigners are so very different. Just ignore that. 

Victoria1987:

Haha.I already heard the stupid prejudice about them judging foreigners and in fact they even can't speak English and have not got any foreign friends yet.The way they are judging actually made me laugh a lot.

10 years 16 weeks ago
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Ohhhhhhh, maybe I'm playing the role as your guy. I am in a relationship with a french guy, we met, we love, and we even want to marry. But later we met a problem that he could not find his expected job in China, and also for other complicated problems, he had to stay in his country. All the facts show that only if I move to France could our love continue.
But I really hate dramas. I can't give up all the things without any consideration, just leave China for our love. I'm so tired of all kinds of pressure, misunderstanding and hardship.
I try to break up, then he insists, we go back to peace, again and again.I love him I love him but I really hope my life could be easier.
If one or even both are unhappy in this relationship, what would be the reason for continuing?

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10 years 16 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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Marriage in many countries is not what is used to be because divorce rates are rising.  In China, the USA, and everywhere else.

I went to a Chinese teacher's wedding in April of this year.  When I asked about her, I was informed that she divorced during the summer because her husband loved another woman.  The last time I talked with her in June she was trying to make a baby. Now she is just trying to make it through the school year.

10 years 15 weeks ago
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