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Posts: 22

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Q: Is the 'richest' person around the table ALWAYS expected to pay the bill?

Girlfriend doesn't want to tell her Chinese friends she's dating a foreigner, main reason of which she said they'd be all friendly, assume that I was rich and then ask that she settle the bill every time they ate together.
 

Is it accepted practice here that the richest person around the table settle the bill? I'm confused. If so, Jesus, what a bunch of vultures...

12 years 4 weeks ago in  Culture - China

 
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Posts: 1318

Emperor

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They would expect you to flaunt your "wealth" ever once in awhile.  But every time?  It does sound like her "friends" are a bunch of gold-digging vultures.  

No offense to your GF, but that does sound like a bad excuss to why she doesn't want anyone to know you two are together.  Or kinda reflects badly on the company she keeps.

Your girl and her friends may be great people with the best intentions in their hearts, but all I can judge on is this post and that's the vibe I'm getting.

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12 years 4 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3025

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Not really, I am afraid that what your GF has told you is not totally true.  What I have found to be the norm here is that whomever does the inviting is the one to pay the bill, unless at the moment of inviting you are told that the bill will be paid by all of those attending the dinner.

While it is true that for all Chinese, we foreigners are rich people, we are not supposed to be stuck with paying the bill all the time.  Besides, another thing I have found out is that if I invite a few of my GF's friends for dinner one evening, they in turn will invite us in a week or two, either to a restaurant or to their homes.

From what I know of Chinese people, I am afraid that your GF has other motives for not telling her friends about you.  The excuse she used looks to me like a typical Chinese "white lie ".

derek:

Congrats on the mysterious "Thumbs down" for that post Happy.

12 years 4 weeks ago
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GuilinRaf:

Thubs up number 4. Guess the truth hurts!

12 years 4 weeks ago
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dharma86:

I am interested to know what potential real motives there could be.

12 years 4 weeks ago
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HappyExPat:

I do have a few ideas, but honestly do not wish to add fuel to the fire.  Who knows, it could be from too large age diufference, to who knows really what ? 

12 years 4 weeks ago
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12 years 4 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2604

Shifu

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Depends if you can pay and the others can't. If the others can't pay and richest doesn't want to pay then you'd end up in the back of the kitchen washing all the dishes or you may get into serious trouble. It's better to do the right thing. I know one of my co workers girlfriend didn't want him buying any drinks because she said drinks were a waste of money. 

derek:

I can't stop myself here..... No it doesn't depend on anything like that you moron!!! "Washing dishes?" What the hell is wrong with you?

12 years 4 weeks ago
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12 years 4 weeks ago
 
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Happy is right. They do reciprocate and you u would be expected to do likewise. I have never been expected to pick up the tab in any situation other than when I actually invited people to dinner.

The bigger issue here is the idea that she doesn't want to tell her friends she is dating a foreigner. I would make an attempt to get to the bottom of that asap.

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12 years 4 weeks ago
 
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I guess it must depend on the group of people you go to dinner with.  The people I normally eat dinner with will almost have a complete brawl over who gets to pay the check.  And I, as the only foreigner am the last one who will be allowed to pay.

The only times I have been allowed to pay is when I snuck out of the room and paid the bill before the check ever arrived.  And when I did that, they were truly pissed at me.  But I had to explain that I couldn't go out with them and expect them to pick up the bill every time.

Once they got that I was losing face Smile by not being able to pay the bill every once in a while, they would actually let me win the bill brawl once in a blue moon.

GuilinRaf:

I had a similar situation, for months I was being treated and not allowed to treat back, which made me feel like a moocher. Finally, I had an honest talk with my friends and told them that if they did not let me treat once in a while, I would not be able to join them because I felt that I was losing face. They agreed AND were happy that I care about face!

12 years 4 weeks ago
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12 years 4 weeks ago
 
Posts: 47

Governor

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The whole invite thing drives me mad sometimes.

Two points, firstly, I've had the situation where everyone looks to the richest guy, what's surprising though is often the foreigner is perceived as the richest, but we aren't being floated in cash by our parents, or get 'red envelopes' etc. Having said that, I took a student who was 18 to a club with my foreign friends, and his father was one of the richest apartment builders in the city, anyway we are outside the club and agree to buy 3 bottles of vodka between the 8 of us and everyone will chip in 150 RMB each. My student just shrugs and says 'hey, my Dad will pay my credit card, he's rich and wants me to enjoy myself, I'll treat you.' Which shocked me.

I've also experienced times where a girl invited me for pizza, and, bare in mind her father is also a huge businessman, then insisted that I should treat her because I was a man and she was my 'sister'. Also, I was fairly broke at the time so that sorta made me crazy.

Lastly, my parents will come to visit me, and of course, my friends and Chinese students have the impression my parents will be a souped up rich English mid 50's people. So of course I want my parents to meet all my friends, and last time around I invited all my friends to come to meet my parents at a big dinner / culturual exchange / English-Chinese big meet up at a semi expat restaurant[more comfortable than in a dirty, smoke filled Chinese restaurant]. Anwyay, I invited about 20 people, it was funny, at the final bill the foreigners all threw in 150 RMB each for the bill, but the Chinese didn't budge! My dad ended up having to card over 2000 RMB worth of food and drinks , and it pissed me off because the Chinese took the piss. Drinking expensive cocktails, ordering the fish/lobster dishes etc.

This time around I'm navigating around it by inviting more people, but by mentioning we will all likely AA this, or that everyone should chip in 100 RMB each and I'll throw the rest of the cash in. Of course, I know some of my friends without work or who are students will not have the cash, so I will cover them, but if you are the boss of a large oil company, is it really too hard to spend 100-200 RMB for a nice meal and a chat and to meet lots of new friends and practice your English? o_O

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12 years 4 weeks ago
 
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In my experience the person who issues the invitation is the host, and they pay. You pay them back by in turn inviting them out in a group, and in the end it all works out more or less equal (assuming you all choose a similar level of quality and expense). That's how it was explained to me.

There's something about your girlfriend's explanation that sounds a bit weird to me, honestly.

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12 years 4 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1091

Shifu

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are we talking about the same girl you were going to break up with dude  the reason she will not let you see her girlfriends is probably the same reason she is always storming off

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12 years 4 weeks ago
 
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