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Posts: 200

Shifu

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Q: Those married to Chinese - were the odds against you?

What I mean by this is do you consider yourself to be among the minority. Surely you've had friends also dating Chinese, or in long term relationships. I'm sure a lot of those ended up not working out. Do you think by dating Chinese you were making things 'harder' in a sense. That to make it work, you had to go through that much more effort and struggle.

11 years 31 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Posts: 1876

Emperor

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I think the odds are constantly against you. There's the language barrier, cultural barrier, the difference in maturity vs. real age, the societal pressures (including xenophobia, nationalism and just plain racism), the different perceptions on finances, family roles and extended family involvement...the list goes on and on.

 

I actually predict that the institution of marriage will become obsolete and people will switch to common-law arrangements in time. I've not seen many balanced marriages in my time here and it always seems that one person in the relationship shoulders the biggest burden which obviously leads to stress and resentment.

 

I warn anyone who asks about getting married (or any other major commitment) in China to forget about it. Enjoy the ride, have the experience, learn from that experience and then go back home much the wiser.

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11 years 31 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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I'm married to a Chinese lady and have been for over 8 years, best thing I ever did and don't regret a single second of it.

 

However, immediately we were married we went to the UK for nearly 7 years and we grew together without the influence of her parents, who, by the way, were not in the least resentful either of me taking their daughter, or later of me (and her) coming back, they have always been totally supportive.

 

Humans, are humans the world over, and if you are looking to form a life-long partnership then it is in your own interest to take into account ALL the factors that will affect your relationship. The Chinese are no different in that. Of course some families are oppressive and overbearing, so then you have choices to make, is your future married life worth the pressures that type of family will bring? However all Chinese people and families are not like that.

 

I would however, suggest, if you do get married, do as we did and start your married life a LONG way away from your partners family. But, that is just me, there are undoubtedly many others with happy and sad stories.

mikael84:

My wife and I also moved away. To an English speaking neutral ground where none of us lived before.

I think that helped our English communication a lot, but we are looking forward to go back to China :)

11 years 31 weeks ago
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11 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 4397

Emperor

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  Of course cultural differences can cause problems within a relationship, but they can also help a marriage escape tedious predictability. Personally i'm not a traditionalist and neither is my wife and our differences in culture don't seem to effect our relationship in any negative way. I think we're both pretty open to taking an alternate point of view, but such a mixture of cultures is not for everyone.

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11 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1201

Shifu

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The odds is like this.......imagine a football game between Chelsea and Millwall
..........you know the odds.......right?!!!

P.S: Only the guys from UK can know what i'm talking about

Xpat.John:

You're talking about a girly game like soccer, right?

11 years 31 weeks ago
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Createach:

wrong with the girly word...................don't make me blow a fuse on you

11 years 31 weeks ago
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TedDBayer:

you're married? thought you just got your first date with a girl ever?

11 years 31 weeks ago
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Createach:

it  was not a first date and no am not married but i saw many marriages with bad endings

11 years 31 weeks ago
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GuilinRaf:

I used to think American Football was manly.

Then I saw my first Rugby match....

...wow...

11 years 31 weeks ago
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11 years 31 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1090

Shifu

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"Do you think................sense?" Look, most people no matter where they come from want love,security,respect,children,support,etc. If there's anything that makes it harder is CHINA and the inherent discrimination,racism,xenophobia,anti-foreigner laws,etc. THAT is what makes things difficult for mixed couples! A couple that truly loves each other will work through the problems,communication barriers,cultural differences,etc. What ALSO doesn't help is the OVERBEARING and OPPRESSIVE CHINESE in-laws that can't get a life of their own! :( * Kudos on the advice about going overseas a LONG WAY from China to really get to know each other and build a strong marital foundation at least for a few years.

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11 years 31 weeks ago
 
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