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Q: Treatment of rape victims?
I've recently met someone, a Chinese woman, who has been raped twice. Once here and once abroad. I was wondering how are rape victims treated here both in terms of psychological and social aspects?
raped twice?.... cannot be co-incidence... something is wrong with her.....
HugAPanda:
Seriously? SERIOUSLY? My question... what is wrong with YOU?
You have no idea the circumstances behind each rape. You have no clue as to her state of mind.
And, you arse, rape is never because there is "something wrong with her." Rape is never asked for. Rape is never EVER the victim's fault. Rape is a crime of violence, not sex.
Gaohao:
When a child is raped they often recede into themselves. It is very common for abusers to recognize such vulnerability, which is why victims of rape often become targets for further abuse.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Thats not fair
anybody who goes through something like that deserves help not ridicule
the number of time does not make it any less painful to the victim.
My Chinese wife said she would kill herself if she got raped.
I am guessing you lose a lot of face from being raped and that you do not talk about it under any circumstances.
This is a subject close to my heart and one in which the Chinese community has a great deal to learn from the west. I have a close friend who suffered sexual abuse from the age of 5 until the age of 9 by a total of four different people and yet has had to keep this as an abominably painful secret her whole life, the reason being that the Chinese look down on victims of sexual abuse and label them dirty.
Most westerners will recognize this attitude as abhorrent, but the truth of it is it is an attitude that stems from self preservation, a natural human trait. The reason being that in a country which has suffered economically for years and years, a victim of sexual abuse is a danger in terms of the possibility of being a health risk to a potential partner. But this is the 21st century and ascertaining ones sexual health is no longer a difficulty but something one can do simply with a quick, though not entirely pleasant, check-up at your local surgery.
So why does this outdated and offensive attitude continue to pervade within Chinese society? I can only assume it is because of China's nature of traditionalism. Attitudes in China are built to last, but this is not always a positive thing. In the case of China's negative opinion of victims of sexual abuse it can only be intelligently viewed as a shame upon Chinese society.
In the west, victims of abuse are often respected as survivors, unbeatable by the slings and arrows of experience, and that is as it should be. America's Oprah Winfrey is a victim of sexual abuse and is certainly one of the most respected members of American society, and quite rightly so. Abuse is not chosen, it is endured. It is not a fault or a failing but a scar to be healed. Respect is owed to anyone who has suffered and refuses to give in to their suffering.
So victims, be proud of yourself, for you are worthy of pride, be blessed in yourselves, for you are still filled with the purity of life's eternal spring, and most of all love yourself truly, for you are deserving of love's dignity and strength. You are 'not' alone.
jantine:
thank you so much for writing this answer. it made me re-understand some people i know in beijing. also, it makes me wonder whwere people are supposed to turn, if this horrible situation would become a part of their lives. are there anonymous places to go to for help?
Gaohao:
There are none that I know of but it is high time there were. There should be.
the rape victim should allow to cut the penis of the person who raped her, that will help the rape victim psychologically , and this should be the only penalty for the kind of people who do things like this , and it will be a lesson for other people............
Gaohao:
That's a natural reaction but not a solution. In my experience those who truly find peace from the pain of abuse find it through forgiveness and the understanding that abusers are children themselves, lost in their own suffering.
Abuse is not about sex, it's about power. When one has had their power taken from them, weakness and immaturity will sometimes lead them to take it from others. The perpetrators of abuse are essentially children themselves, their psychological development arrested by their own painful experiences. Statistically abusers are people who have suffered abuse themselves; their minds have been warped and they are lost. So if one truly wishes to heal the sickness of abuse it can only be done maturely and with understanding, not anger.
An old friend of mine was abused by his neighbour and for many years planned to abuse the neighbour's own daughter. His power had been taken from him and his natural emotional response was to take it back. Fortunately he was raised to question his thoughts and impulses and eventually reasoned out an understanding of why he wanted to commit the same terrible act that had been committed upon him. But not everyone is so fortunate. So many of us are lost on the waves of human emotion which, when life becomes a storm, can very easily cause us to become the very thing we hate.
So it's better not to hate at all, because only then can we really see clearly. As Ghandi said, "An eye for an eye will leave us all blind."
