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Q: What is the definition of Love for a Chinese girl or man?
Recently, my chinese girlfriend is telling me that my love is not "true" love and I don't care too much about her. I tried to change myself as much as possible. I used to drop her at her friends home when she wanted to visit and pick her up later on. But recently I told her that it is too much and waste of time as I have swing like a pendulum and wanted to focus on work.
I used to cook most of the time. I always do enjoy cooking for others and back home I was the one cooking most of the time helping my mom in the kitchen. So I didn't mind cooking for my present girl as well.
Since we are not married yet, she has to stay with her parents and can stay with me overnight 2-3 times a week though we often meet for dinner in the evening as our working place is closer. She is more interested in watching some kind of crap (at least for me as I rarely watch TV or any episodes, neither now or in the past). When we tried to do something she gets tired. But, "Wait a minute!" Watching for that tele drama! Even late night doesn't bother her much.
When she said that my love is not true love and I don't care about her, I was just pissed off. What the heck "true love" is for Chinese girl?
Or is it that giving my bank card, cook all the time, clean everything myself, buy lots of gifts and never do sex and complete submission to her hampering my work are definition of true love?
11 years 48 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Never drive her to meet her other boy friend.
The TV puts them in a trance, well documented. You keep the remote and only turn it on when she bothers you.
If buying iPads for her doesn't get sex, take the dam thing back.
True love costs 100 to 300 RMB.
You will not find in Chin the concept of "love" as we visualize it in Western countries. For them, "love" is more materialistic, more practical, less romantic than for us.
She is claiming you do not really love her just because for her, "love" does no means the same as for you. And in a way, you are feeling the same way.
You will not have peace of mind, or true happiness with her or any one else, until you dedicate time to fully understand the Chinese mind. And that, my friend, is a long, arduous chore.
LOVE is a feeling,that is NOTHING CAN SEPARATE US.
debbie.luo:
dang... either ur really really in love or ar all ur relationships that intense?
In no particular order.
Money, fashion, car, house, latest gadget.
Please feel free to add to this list.
conworldus:
Don't be negative. What girls really want is good sex. As guys we just have to learn to get them there. It is our responsibility.
I think I'll answer with Charles Dickens on this one; 'Great Expectations'
Or,,, an iPad.
She just sounds immature. Probably has seen too many dramas on television.
The definition of love for most women here is simple.
I will quote Cuba Gooding Jr. from the movie Jerry Maguire.
"SHOW ME THE MONEY!!"
when loving someone , he is not replaceable , ,they always want to share life details and feelings with each other , because it's safe and makes warm , they can have soul communication , they produce gentle feelings whenever wherever thinking of each other , they can sacrifice for the other one unconditionally, they believe they can make life better through working hard together.
Isn't this an age old puzzle that has bothered mankind since the dawn of civilization (or maybe even before that)?
To me, a Chinese guy, love is a byproduct of high quality sex.
Save the love for a puppy or goldfish,
Chinese girls are for banging and treating like garbage
GuilinRaf:
You love puppies and goldfish? Be warned, bestiality is frowned upon here in most places, including China.
TedDBayer:
Some girls say OMG to me,, ya think they giggle when they see him.
thanks folks for your beautiful comments...i tried a lot to change...i even forgave her when she checked my phone, QQ, msn, emails..it was kind of invading my private space...i accepted that if she could be secure going through all those stuff...
as discussed in some other questions that "girls just walk away" without discussion or clear answer, now i am facing the same and realizing that it is true that they just closed their lips...i clearly told her to get her things out of my place but she is simply avoiding it...may be needs time to recalculate about the relationship....
will wait till evening and if nothing happens then her stuff will be out of my door for anyone to pick up
well she will be reminded about it anyway..
I feel kind of load of the shoulder now and free to do as i pleased...Oh gosh need to go back to Google translator again for Chinese translation..at least i learned how to use taobao and it was amazing that i can simply type the question in GT and paste that Q to the vendor and communicate....
Cheers...just with 4 cans of beer, 2 hours badminton with my colleagues I am lighter than before
Cool....i found it a nice forum to communicate at least for me who is living in Guiyang and seeing other foreigners or hang out with them is quite rare.........
haku, good man. Although my wife is controlling and a bit abusive at times. She has never requested an IPAD of Iphone, she puts all the money in the bank. Rarely spends any money other than inexpensive things on TaoBao.
hey ! be cool, calm and composed.just be happy man.whatever happens.
love for chinese men and women is like having all the materialistic goodies around you and especially the women desire that men shall see her and only her waste all his money on her by buying whatever she wants......... that is love in china.......
When there is a "true love" you just know it.
No questions are needed.
no offense intended
Hakupatasa:
But "true love' doesn't mean you have to accept everything and expect nothing in return. It exists in fairy tales only. We are humans, we live in a complex world where we can't implement fairy tale's true love. No offense: there is no such 'true love". We all are bound to the complex web of 'reason and selfishness, either with beloved parents or kids or wife - everything." It can be of positive or negative types, no matter if we accept or deny it. I just want to be simple and more practical to make life easier.
NotGuilty:
Love is like a fire..if either party stop adding that much needed fuel,
it will simply be gone in no time.
It is never ending work to keep that flame of love.
That's what "true love" is all about. Take nothing for granted.
And never stop fighting for it. Once this is neglected. (no matter by gal or guy)
It will vanish...So the longer you keep those flames of love the better the chance of achieving the true love. It's a life long project.(never ending project)
