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Posts: 2240

Shifu

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Q: What kind of conversation keeps you interested in a woman?

 

I added many guys from dating site. But eventually most of them just end up not talking with me. So I wonder may be I need to improve my way of talking to guys to keep some of them interested in me.

 

Please share your experience. Thanks

 

7 years 36 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
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Vicky for the sake of God and Trump, please STOP.

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7 years 36 weeks ago
 
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Posts: 1297

Governor

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not being the only one in the conversation, not all about yourself, no sex talk too early Dont answer your cell or texting turn it off no ignoring the man by chatting texting interupting the conversation with the man No throwing a hissy fit acting imature being impatient Act genuinely interested in the man no staring at other men flirting scoping them out These are not experiences but suggestions for a date to be successful this is a guide

philbravery:

out of all the answers I read . This is the only one that makes any sense. Relationships are hard and there is no easy answers . However IMO cub is on the right track

7 years 36 weeks ago
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iWolf:

Kudos cub. Who would have suspected you would have such a pragmatic insight into this topic. Have an upvote

7 years 35 weeks ago
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cub:

thx wolf ,honesty is best

7 years 35 weeks ago
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7 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3868

Emperor

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Vicky, STOP with the attention seeking by bumping your own questions!

Viki87:

I bump it by mistake

7 years 36 weeks ago
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tomcatflyer:

Explain how you bump it by mistake every single time. You post your question and then have to open up a reply box and post that, no-one does that by mistake.

7 years 36 weeks ago
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Hotwater:

This is the third time recently, on your last 3 questions 

7 years 36 weeks ago
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Viki87:

Just saying this time was a mistake. My goodness you really not let it go.

7 years 36 weeks ago
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7 years 36 weeks ago
 
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Any conversation that doesn't reveal the woman is a

- right-wing extremist
- irresponsible
- racist
- attention-seeker
- retard
- greedy
- reactionary
- cruel or vindictive
- religious (unfortunately, the belief system makes otherwise reasonable people incompatible with me)

If you can avoid revealing warning signs indicating one of the above, your partner won't immediately be looking for a better girl. But don't try to be something you aren't - if you try to avoid coming across as an attention-seeker, your performance will be artificial, and people will catch on in the end.

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7 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 724

Shifu

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You gotta be kidding. The whole logic is wrong.

 

Let's think it this way. Imagine someone who's not your type, a 75 yo bald, fat, none-white guy (forgive me if you happen to fall into this category) added you on the dating site, but was not getting much response from you, can he improve his way of talking to make you more interested?

 

You really shouldn’t be surprised if they stopped contacting you because you added them first and they were never interested in you in the first place.

 

You can improve whatever skill you like to extend the contact with them, and they may even give you fake hopes and be in a relationship that never meant to happen with you, but eventually, those guys are going to leave you for the girls they really like, and your time will be wasted.

 

Listen, getting no message is also a message.

 

And no, you should not try to keep them interested. A man is either interested or not.

 

However, if he was into you at first and started to cool off, you should be unavailable too. It’s the old saying, ‘You don’t miss the water till the well runs dry.’ Cut off the water supply with no explanation and no reason. The best thing a woman can do is cut off contact with no explanation and let him come through with a grand gesture.

 

Shining_brow:

".’ Cut off the water supply with no explanation and no reason. The best thing a woman can do is cut off contact with no explanation and let him come through with a grand gesture."

 

That only works on idiots with no self-respect! I think it's incredibly childish and immature - the 'princess' mentality.

 

Game-players like that deserve to be ignored - and lonely.

 

If a woman (or man) can't handle basic communication skills, then they're not a partner worth being with in the long run.

 

(of course, I have higher standards than most of humanity...)

7 years 36 weeks ago
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SpongeBob:

It's not the point. It's the guys that are not capable or not willing to form a conversation first. They are not showing any respect. And they deserve to be ignored. If you'd like to quote, please quote the whole sentence.

7 years 36 weeks ago
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Shining_brow:

SB - I'd quote the whole sentence if it actually made a difference. It doesn't. If a guy is 'cooling off' on you, then better to either - make a play, or walk away! Stupid games are just that - stupid!

 

I'm a guy.. and I'm single. Mostly because I want a mature, intelligent, strong woman... ie, one who is capable of initiating conversation.... and they are extremely rare! (cos, you know, I'm not rich.. or handsome).

 

To put it simply - if you're interested, make contact. If contact isn't made, presume not interested.

7 years 35 weeks ago
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SpongeBob:

Everything in this reply is for amusement purposes only. It is all a lie. If you are foolish enough to employ the concepts or exercises, you do so at your own risk. Neither Spongebob nor ecc recommend anything. Check with your lawyer, doctor and local police before following any of the suggestions herein. p.s. Every mistake, intentional or otherwise, is the fault of the reader.

7 years 35 weeks ago
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7 years 36 weeks ago
 
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Vicky for the sake of God and Trump, please STOP.

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7 years 36 weeks ago
 
Posts: 594

Governor

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honest conv. without pretentions, are most interestin'.

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7 years 35 weeks ago
 
Posts: 724

Shifu

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Read the book HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU.

 

And find your answers in there.

Viki87:

I searched. It's a good book. QQ candy 

7 years 35 weeks ago
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7 years 35 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1330

Shifu

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besides the fact that most of the girls here are empty shells, just talking about eating, shopping and sleeping, one things that turns me immediately down is when they start the bullshit: we chinese, and you...and the word, laowai

cub:

nicholasba The way i understand that in china single chinese girls have nothing else to do but eat shop sleep and work so maybe thats why thats all they have to talk about. I mean, what else is there they can do in china?

7 years 35 weeks ago
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Viki87:

Cub I don't think it's the fact. I guess some girls are reading, help parents do housework, some run small business on wechat.,etc A girl used to tell me she does window shopping for relaxing.

 

 

7 years 35 weeks ago
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cub:

ok viki, from what others here on ECC have said, thats where i get this info and im sure there are other ways to relax

7 years 35 weeks ago
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nicholasba:

Vicky what you listed doesn't really contradict my statement, indeed. House works, running business on wechat: either is a duty or the will to make money. No real hobbies...

7 years 35 weeks ago
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Viki87:

A lot of girls read books, including me.

 

7 years 35 weeks ago
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RandomGuy:

nicholasba you are wasting your time, most Chinese including Vicky can't grasp the concept of hobby, it's just not part of their culture to have one.

 

To Vicky, reading for killing time is not a hobby, neither is anything else that you do for killing time (watching TV, playing games, listening to music, etc...).

 

Now reading would be a hobby if you enjoyed sharing your experience of X book with others. Back in Foreignerland we have book discussion groups where people agree to read the same book and then meet to debate their opinion about it in an extensive fashion. This is reading books as a hobby, not just reading when you've got nothing else to do.

7 years 35 weeks ago
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Shining_brow:

I disagree, Random. There are many people who read extensively for various reasons. Many sit down with a good book, and prefer to read to doing other things they could be doing (such as a 'hobby'...). Just because it's more passive rather than active doesn't automatically negate it as a hobby.

7 years 35 weeks ago
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Viki87:

Good point shinny brow

7 years 35 weeks ago
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I like a woman who is able to talk about a vast range of topics, intelligently, rationally, logically. topics as diverse as philosophy and physics to football and computer games,  and knowledgable in cookery, travel, history, geography and religion. She must also have a reasonable view of politics and world issues, and doesn't just follow what's popular and acceptable. And doesn't get all huffy when I disagree with her, and rip her arguments to pieces (mostly because her arguments are reasonable, and fairly evidenced based).

 

And, of course, she must have a good sense of humour and can intersperse the deepest topics with a bit of quick wit...

 

Not part of the question, but she doesn't take incessant selfies, nor talk incessantly about herself!

 

 

Of course, I'm still single ...

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7 years 35 weeks ago
 
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