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Q: What scares and/or frustrates you the most about being married to a Chinese person?
I'll start...
Safety. I've had to teach my wife not to let the baby play with:
1) Plastic bags.
2) Things she can choke on.
3) Things that can hurt her.
I've had to teach her about washing her hands with soap and water, not just water, and about safety symbols; she didn't know what Radioactive, Biohazard, Flammable, Corrosive, Toxic, Explosive, etc., signs meant.
I've had to teach her, seemingly almost every single day, about some kind of safety hazard that is completely ignored in China. I've had to teach her how to stop a baby from choking... because she thinks merely rubbing the baby's chest will make her stop choking on something.
Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my wife... but it frustrates me and makes me lose my patience that she doesn't even have the slightest clue about safety. Well, she does NOW, but it's been a really rough ride.
9 years 15 weeks ago in Family & Kids - China
- Hot water is more useful than lemon honey tea when kid is sick
- Smelling the flowers is dangerous, while commenting on dirty air is not allowed
- When I say - "go out, spend some time and money for yourself" it surely means "you don't love me and want me go away"
- wearing 5 layers of clothing and still feel cold at home is better then pay more for electricity and stay comfortably in 1-2 layers.
- As you said, safety measures and awareness.
- and many more, but I have to go to work.
btw, I also love my wife, but there is lot of things that make me mad sometimes, or speechless.
Hulk:
We got that bullshit out of the way before coming to America, lol. I simply showed her evidence to the contrary.
Disclaimer : I love my wife, I'm happy with her, I thing she's great the way she is. She's smart, she can think for herself, she is realistic but she didn't not give up on her dreams, she have empathy and so much more...
Okay, so my own frustrations, which are strongly linked to being Chinese:
- Awful ignorance of basic biology. Talking about health-related topics is really hard when the basics about human physiology are not quite there. Thank you, crappy education system.
- Victorian-era levels of prudishness. It's not dirty, it's the most natural thing there is, and enjoying it does not makes you guilty of anything.
royceH:
Hahahahaha....... She's sprung you, hasn't she Dr? Heheheh.... just tell her it's good for health!
DrMonkey:
Nah, it's more "I love wine, but I will act as if I don't care about wine".
Hulk:
Never had the problem with the last two. She's pretty good with biology and chemistry.
I think my girlfriend is more frustrated with me than I am with her.
She thinks I'm a total lovable ass because I don't give a crap about face and I self-deprecate all of the time.
When she starts chiding me about why I am doing something she considers stupid, I have a common refrain: "do you know why I do it..?" She completes the sentence for me, "because you're a fuckwit."
I love her so much and I'm so lucky to have her.
She can't do more than one thing at the same time. Specifically, if she is talking to a friend she can't keep an eye on the child out of the corner of her eye.
Seatbelts !!!!!!! Why will she not wear a seatbelt in the back of a car?
Don't get me wrong, she is a great mum. But she seems incapable of doing on the spot risk assesments.
wagon:
Can't do two things at once! I second this sentiment. It's maddening.
Me: "Babe, can I ask you a question?"
Her: "Wait 'til I'm done watching the kettle boil!"
ScotsAlan:
Ha ha. It`s part of my job to watch kettles boil. I actually get paid to watch kettles boil.
Hulk:
Yeah, my wife is a great mum... we got that out of the way early, especially seatbelts. It's been a rough ride... but she's more alert now.
Has anyone noticed the younger generation seems to expect to farm out their children to their parents, or parents-in-law, and often demonstrate a sort of lack of skill and interest in child rearing? Sure they play with their kids, but then they are bored by them, and escape...leaving the little ones at home with grandmom...
Stiggs:
The reason they had the baby in the first place was probably because of family pressure. You MUST get married and you MUST have a baby so the family doesn't lose face with the gossiping old ladies in the market.
The kids probably feel like they did their duty and now they want to live life a little, the same way they used to watch an hour of TV after they finished their 6 hours of homework and mandatory piano lessons.
Eorthisio:
Blah blah the younger generation this and that, we were better than them at the same age, blah blah.
The youth in China are under much more pressure than their parents and grandparents ever were, because of dumb politics they now must support 2 parents and 4 grandparents on one salary, because of stupid traditions they are being pushed to marry the first person they meet and to have babies before being financially secure.
If China is still shit today it's because of this, grandparents WANT to raise their grandchildren because that is the only purpose they see for themselves during their old days, they don't want to retire and do nothing, that's how it has always been in China, it's not young people who are quick to get rid of their kids but elders who are quick to tell them to go make money while they raise the kids. Grandparents then educate kids with old methods, teach them stupid superstitions and other BS. This is slowing down the modernization of China. Sure they have fancy buildings and cars here but people in their mind are still in the 1950s.
laowaigentleman:
@stiggs.
Yes. What I can't understand is why they care what the old ladies in the market think in the first place.
Being so sensitive to the opinions of people who have no business meddling in your affairs is a strange feature of life here to have to adapt to.
Stiggs:
I don't care about the opinions of gossipy people either, but then we weren't raised in a culture where face is everything. Chinese are.
Hulk:
My wife and I are actually glad we haven't had this problem at all. Her parents have never seen the baby outside of the webcam, and we've never farmed her out. We live in another state far away from my family, so there's nobody to farm them to.
At least you have been able to teach. My wife is beyond teaching age. Chinese way is the right way.
Hot water is good, cold water is not!
Goat soup can cure most of what ails you.
Never eat beef or chicken or fish, if you have a bit of a cough or cold. Pork ONLY!
Semi severe cough or lingering illness requires some twigs and leafs from the TCM store, to add to the hot water.
Cleaning the house, just involves mopping the floor routinely. You must wear shoes indoors.
New fangled medicine (pricey things) things must work. Neo citron type things, or Tylenol….. no they don’t. A mask.
A couple days and all is good without….. besides, any ailments I may show are all self induced. Smoker’s cough, hangover is about it. Only I know how to cure them. Abstinence. Diet and exercise.
Travel must be through a travel agent, with a large group of Chinese. They know better!! ( I got here, and many other places without them).
There are a few more, frustrating things, but my hangover is fogging my thoughts . hahahahahaha.
Yes I too love my wife and fondly appreciate the caring, but the lack of worldly knowledge is often, shall we say, “somewhat frustrating”!!
Them dried up things you use for cooking flavor, do not need to be in the little fridge, especially when I have just bought beer!!
Nessquick:
Oh, how could I forget about not eating fish or beef of chicken. When I am sick and lost power, or my son, first I think of is strong broth of chicken of beef. because it always wakes me up and give a power to fight the virus. Nooo way, is not good, only pork bone soup ....
Sinobear:
"Hot water is good, cold water is not! " Unless you're referring to washing dishes and hands...in which case cold water is the norm and hot water is pretty much unheard of.
Lord_hanson:
Washing dishes with cold water drives me crazy. My wife and mother in law insisted it doesn't make a difference. They annoy me so much sometimes.
DrMonkey:
@Lord_hanson A simple practical demonstration that hot water dissolve fat, way, way better and faster, maybe ?
ScotsAlan:
Yup. Chinese spicy things and beer in the same fridge is not good.
Same here. But for me it is cultural differences in general, and my willingness and ability to try their way at least once, and her flat refusal to even hear about mine, much less give them a try.
Hulk:
Yeah, I walked out on a couple girls because of their unwillingness to learn. My wife is very willing to learn, and that's one of the reasons I chose her. It frustrates me to no end when people reject simple truths and common sense, I would personally go CRAZY with such a woman.
5000 years plus 10+ hours a day 7 days a week in schools (private/ regular) and the result is 0 knowledge.
They know nothing about germs or common sense.
All that time in school is spent indoctrination and nullifying the thinking functions of the brain.
Let's just put it this way...
The complete lack of common sense and logic scares the HELL out of me. It's like since she has been with me (and she has a college degree from a good school in China), she has been totally reeducated.
The thing that scares me the most? WHAT ON EARTH DID SHE LEARN IN SCHOOL?
Because honestly, the knowledge of a Western education and lifestyle is equal to like 100 lifetimes going through the Chinese education system and lifestyle... that is NOT an exaggeration.
laowaigentleman:
I can only re-echo every one of your sentiments there, mate.
My wife was a nurse before I met her, so her basic knowledge is a bit better than most. Still, her lack of caution occasionally catches me off guard too. Having studied Evolutionary Biology and having worked security during my university days, I have my own take on safety and practical hygiene.
Sometimes I'm wrong, too:
"Is it really necessary to give babies 2 baths per day in winter?"
"Yes, husband. They still pee in their diapers, you know."
The best way to approach differences with my Chinese wife, is to be very reserved of my statements and criticisms. She can often pick up from my body language that I don't want to eat oily-chili-chicken-with-bones when I'm holding the baby on the couch and no trash can is nearby. The little things shouldn't ruin the atmosphere, and letting issues go unmentioned might actually be favourable.
I still mention the absurdity of taking a cocktail of liquorice-flavoured antibiotics for the common cold, an ailment that has no medical cure. If everyone is taking antibiotics for no reason, a lot more multi-drug-resistant strains of bacteria will emerge eventually for no reason. My wife understands, but old habits die hard.
My family is adapting to modern life well. No squat-peeing, no diaperless summers, and the bedroom windows are actually closed in winter. Still lots of little niggling things, but time heals all.
My major worry, is how my family will adapt to life in Europe. We'll move sometime next year (the one that starts tomorrow), and she really hasn't experienced taxes, immigration difficulties, household life and other daily necessities that will come into play. She knows about the prices of goods and the availability of food and other products, but a lot of the info she gets are from au pairs, girlfriends and other Chinese immigrants who don't have to worry about vital things. What if she's expecting to live in some princely mansion, like a lot of those playmate bimbos do?
Well, we have 2 kids now, so I'm confident we can pull together. If I can resist the temptations and difficulties of life in China, she should be able to do the same for life in the Ou Zhou.
royceH:
Her nursing knowledge will mean she does know more than other Chinese. But only just.
The nursing education here is pathetic. As a nurse myself I fail to see the use of Chinese nurses.
Btw......is it possible for your wife to use her nursing qualifications in Europe?
Hotwater:
At least with her background in nursing here so could train again (properly!) when you move & keep up that profession if she wanted to.
coineineagh:
nah, she was in teaching here, but is more interested in doing business in Holland. With her milk powder business and teaching at the local school, she makes more money than I do working fultime in a training school. The higher profits happened just recently, so she's very excited about emigrating to Holland now. Then she doesn't need middle-men for all the orders (just some - she can't buy all that milk powder herself. there are purchasing restrictions now).
Hulk:
Speaking of squat-peeing: our daughter does this instinctively. She will squat down when going to the bathroom.
Speaking of crotchless underwear: our friends in America, who have Chinese families, are STILL doing this!
Also, if I may brag a little bit about my daughter, she's taller than most kids her age... and older ones as well. She's taller, bigger, stronger, and more alert than most 18-24 month old kids. Even some 27 month old kids!
Not bad for being popped out of a 4'9" mother, huh?
My wife's a bit of a 'clean' freak and this suits me just fine as I'm one too.
But she cleans the floor on her hands and knees with only a rag and cold water. I want to mop the floor using disinfectant but first I want to sweep the floor. However, no brooms in China and this puts me off.
Nothing else. Oh, she stacks the dishes while they're still wet.
For me it's hygiene. It's difficult to get my husband to take a shower. Everything else is great about him. He's clever and works hard. He's also open minded.
This thread is the perfect example of why I'm terrified of bringing the mom and dad in-law to visit...
I would basically tell them straight up, "You must obey my authority without question while in America. I know more than you about safety/etc." I'd have to say it in a nice way... but the wife and I have talked about that.
