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Q: What were the worst movies you saw in the last year?
If you've got time, give a detailed synopsis. I'll write a response after I eat this sweet potato and have a coffee. Contention and debate also welcomed!
10 years 15 weeks ago in Arts & Entertainment - China
Sam! How long's it take you to eat a sweet potato and have a coffee? 10-15 minutes?
Okay, I won't take so long to answer your question even though you ask for a detailed synopsis.
Suffice to say, the worst movie I saw in 2013 was Pedro Almodovar's "I'm So Excited" (Los amantes pasajeros). What a disappointment! And to think I spent 10 kuai on a bootleg DVD of the film.
I've been an Almodovar fan since he was making underground movies in Madrid, Spain with unknown actors like Antonio Banderas and Penelope Cruz in the late 70s and early 80s. He set a cinematic mood and style in Spain that hadn't been seen since Luis Buñuel.
I'm too lazy for the synopsis - apologies - so here are a few links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedro_Almod%C3%B3var
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luis_Bu%C3%B1uel
Cheers!
Iron Man 3. Chinese theatrical version with the added, extraneous, unnecessary, meaningless scenes.
mArtiAn:
I loved Iron Man 3 but the 3D gave me a headache, watching it again on dvd right now in fact. Ben Kingsley was hilarious as The Mandarin, plus they did well in pointing out the whole 'invent a threat' thing, even naming that fraudulent invention 'Osama Binliner' when they did so. Top film.
Scandinavian:
3D did nothing good for that movie. The Chinese cut, what a sellout.
I watched "Gravity" in the theaters and although it wasn't too bad... I found it kind of a bit boring at parts and sort of wished they all would die just so the movie could be over. haha
Paulberger:
what was boring? when there was only two actors? or after the only good one died and there was only one? now, if aliens got involved... and some weird, unthinkable scenes were added, maybe, just maybe, it would have been ok.
Robk:
There were some scenes in 3D that were amazing. They just milked some scenes a little too long... the parts that bored me was pretty much after George Clooney died until she tried to land the ship... which was like 50-60% of the movie.
xinyuren:
Thanks for that huge spoiler. I was really looking forward to seeing this movie.
Robk:
That isn't much of a spoiler actually lol...
You will know what I mean when you see it. This movie is all about Sandra Bullock. You can blame Paul lol
'The Last Stand'. Dreadful. The basic synopsis is this flabby sheriff does some stuff, then something dull happens, some people have guns and shoot, bang, and it's crap, then someone says something dumb, there's an explosion, something s**t happens, people get dead, then there's a bigger bang, something crap happens, and then it ends.
I'd passed out by the credits (which were also rubbish) and came to lying in a pool of my own vomit.
Don't watch that film.
Man of Steel.
Superman is the Man of Steel
But he ain't no match for British Veal
mArtiAn and him got in a fight,
He smashed his head with Kryptonite.
I just don't like movies having to do with total annihilation. It doesn't help that I was in a Chinese theater watching American soldiers die over and over. It really pissed me off, actually... because I was in China, and they were cheering when that happened. I wanted to go Patriot Hulk and tear up the whole pucking theater.
mArtiAn:
I'm sorry Hulk but that ain't right
That thing I had weren't Kryptonite
Although it looked the part, it's true
I bought that sh*t on Gucheng Lu
I smacked him twice
But with a shock
I found it was a plain, green rock
The bloke who sold it to me swore
That i'd defeat that super dude
But now i'm eating through a straw
And pissing through a f***ing tube
Samsara:
Hahaha, oh my god. Dear eChinaCities: Please go back to the old version where you could give multiple thumbs up by clicking really fast.
Hulk:
So you admit you're a sheep, or at least sheep flesh? I WIN THE ARGUMENT, MARTAIN. GAME OVER WUMAO FAIL WUMAO FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lost in Thailand was so bad it was embarrassing. I watched it in a huge cinema that was packed and I was the only person not laughing uproariously the whole time. I didn't even laugh once, instead cringing at the immaturity of the audience.
And Thor was pretty bad too. Iron Man 3 wasn't great. It would be better if decent films were shown in Chinese cinema. Alas, there is no market.
I already know the worst film I'll see in 2014....Last night I watched Die Hard 2 and doubt it's possible a worse film even exists!
Did any like the New Wolverine Movie? I thought it was soss, but not too bad.
I saw one of those bachelor party films with Zach Galfiniakis or whatever. The Thailand one. Aweful. I know, I know they're well-liked and they make millions on those films but ... damn.
It's definitely not one of the worst movies I've seen last year, but "The Hobbit: Smaug's desolation" was... just eh. I was psyched when I got to see it and I read online that it was better than the first movie... Even Orlando Bloom with his perfect Elvish blond hair wasn't enough to win me over.
3. Curse of the Golden Flower
Typical Zhang Yimou shitstravaganza. Amazing visual style and nothing underneath. A series of splendidly choreographed battles about which no one could possibly care because the outcome doesn’t matter. Melodramatic acting and characters you couldn’t possibly care about because they’re all the same (the same as all other characters from all Chinese historical dramas ever). The women are vain, and like crying a lot. The men put on pouty, defiant facial expressions to indicate that they have “deep” internal conflicts. Zhang Yimou should’ve stuck to being cinematographer for superior director Ang Lee, though I guess that wouldn’t have allowed him to impregnate so many women.
2. The Hobbit, Part 1
Peter Jackson seems to believe that whatever he excretes onto the big screen can’t fail (and financially he’s right). The movie recycles only the most superficial elements of the book, reducing the excellent source material to a series of chase scenes. No narrative cohesion, let alone plot development. No intimate character drama to make you care what happens. Just a series of action set pieces for CGI dwarves. Lazy, half-assed, incoherent mess.
Having seen the positive reviews heaped upon The Hobbit, I decided to stop listening to what people say, and didn’t watch the second one. Debbie Luo: I agree with your above synopsis of Part 2, despite not having watched it.
1. To the Wonder
Terrence Malick, director of quiet, contemplative, beautiful, intelligent movies such as The New World and Thin Red Line has produced a film so profoundly pretentious it cannot be described in English. You would have to use the combined mediums of aquatic ballet and interpretive dance to express how pointless this movie is.
The entire movie consists of people holding hands and skipping through meadows, and swanning around in old, semi-restored houses, doing the occasional pirouette, all with a golden lens filter to give the movie a sense of the profound and eternal.* The frolicking is interspersed with vague, half-finished, pretentious, entirely non-sequential statements, spoken in French, because what language could be more pretentious? It’s like the script writer googled “most pretentious things you can say in French” and submitted the top fifty results instead of a script.
*Sitting through this movie seemed to take forever, so I guess it did have a sense of the eternal. To be honest, I didn’t quite get to the end. If anyone can confirm that the last half hour consists of bare-breasted Amazonian women riding winged serpents into battle against a Nazi-controlled Death Star, I will re-watch it. Otherwise, no.
Machete Kills: Sucked pretty hard. I really liked the Grindhouse movies and the first Machete, but the second one just sucks.
I do recall me and the wife saw one we both really found utterly crap. But the title escapes me at the moment.
