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Posts: 9192

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Q: When you go out in China, are you expected to pay?

I read that the polite ( where ever they are) Chinese will argue over paying the bill for meals etc. Everybody here seems to think I should buy all the time. Last night my GF and her GF took me out for dinner because I'm leaving soon, a friend of the GFs GF showed up also. We had chicken, I could have eaten the whole thing , I tried to hint at this. When the bill came, 245.  My GF checked it out , like usual then handed it to me to pay. I'm thinking gee thanks you take me out and I still have to pay? Do any Chinese argue with you to pay the bill?

11 years 39 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
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because they are using you. In China, if you are leaving on a trip your gf or friend will treat you to dinner. her taking the bill to look at it first and then giving it to you means she wanted to see how much they got you for and she will talk about it with her friends. 

 

I have dated girls who tried to use me also, one girl actually scheduled 2 dinners with 2 different sets of friends expecting me to treat them. luckily i quickly picked up on this and had her cancel the second dinner and i curtailed her friend's ordering. i took her to mcdonalds and stopped her from ordering an extra meal for her workmate. 

 

typically if you are dating a girl she will let you get the bill because she thinks that is important to you.  but if she brings a friend, they will offer to pay or at the very least pay for the friend. 

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11 years 39 weeks ago
 
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When I go out with Chinese friends, they rarely allow me to pay the bill.  The almost brawl that will break out is kind of funny to watch.  If I ever want to have a chance to pay the bill, I will have to sneak out of the room and pay the bill before it ever reaches the room.

 

Other times, we all just split the bill between us.  Unless I am out with just my wife, I have never been asked to pay a complete bill.  (The only exception is me taking my employees out for a meal.  Then I pay without question.)

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11 years 39 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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It depends on the person.

 

The same way there are western people who enjoy spending money, others who like going dutch and then the others who disappear to the toilet, forget their wallet or look down on the floor when its bill time.

 

I guess your gf doesn't care cos she knows your money will soon be her money eventually haha.

TedDBayer:

na, I get crap if I buy something.

11 years 39 weeks ago
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11 years 39 weeks ago
 
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Let me put it like this, Chinese people are always looking to establish long term relationship ("guan xi" ). Four of you ate and one person paid the complete bill, but the other three will find out how much the payer spent, and the same four persons will eat together for another three times and take turn to pay similar or slightly more than the previous payer to even things up. (is this not how you find out how much your friend spent on your birthday present and buy something of similar value for his/her birthday) After 4 meals and drinking and bullshiting together, the four are now friends (not necessarily like each other, but they are more likely to help each other when needed. So how things end? the first payer will pay the 5th meal and start the circle again.....

ps: splitting up the bill is consider rude in Chinese culture, "split" has the meaning of separation, which symbolize that "I am not looking forward to become you friend, let us go our separate ways after this meal".

TedDBayer:

I must be a really good friend, cause I've paid for every meal except one.

11 years 39 weeks ago
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Xpat.John:

That type of paying for meals is fine.  But the point is that sometimes, people look for the foreigner to pay for every meal, not just when it is his turn to pay.  Those people aren't looking for Guangxi.  They are looking for a free meal and a chance to practice their English.

11 years 39 weeks ago
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Shining_brow:

Interesting interpretation of 'guan xi'... I've usually found it quite different, and my wannabe friends would NEVER let me pay!

 

My real friends understand that life twists and turns, and so does bill paying - sometimes it's mine, and sometime it's theirs... and on rare occasions, it's ours.

 

Btw, gift buying is rarely a one-upmanship game!!! (except by morons!)

 

I do, however, like the interpretation of splitting the bill! :) (and, yeah, sounds about right with me :p)

11 years 39 weeks ago
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Yes it is like that...I also didn't know before and once even had a big discussion about it. She always handed me the bill and sometimes I even had to pay for the movie for her friend (a girl). Whenever I asked her to go out for dinner she wanted to invite her friend. Finally, one day I told her that I don't want to go out together with her friend as it won't give me a feeling like I am having a dinner with my GF. Then she stopped inviting her. After some discussion about payment issues, now she is also inviting me.

 

About guys, if you are good friend with them then it is no problem to tell them to pay or make rotation. I did it with my colleagues. In fact they told me that they do the same. They just don't split the bills but make rotations.

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TeddyBear, I think in this case you have some girlfriend/boyfriend dynamics that change the outcome. But yea, you should not pay for every meal with everyone; that's clearly taking advantage. 

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When I go out for dinner with business friends I can't even come close grabbing the check so I never pay (maybe once in 1 year).

When I go out with my gf and her friends I always pay.  She tells me I am the man so I pay (although her older more well to do girlfriends always try to pay when we go out...but I usually won't let them).

When we go out with a couple then my gf expects the other man to either pay for the meal or for the bar/ktv etc....

He who pays the tab in China gains the face. 

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11 years 39 weeks ago
 
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because they are using you. In China, if you are leaving on a trip your gf or friend will treat you to dinner. her taking the bill to look at it first and then giving it to you means she wanted to see how much they got you for and she will talk about it with her friends. 

 

I have dated girls who tried to use me also, one girl actually scheduled 2 dinners with 2 different sets of friends expecting me to treat them. luckily i quickly picked up on this and had her cancel the second dinner and i curtailed her friend's ordering. i took her to mcdonalds and stopped her from ordering an extra meal for her workmate. 

 

typically if you are dating a girl she will let you get the bill because she thinks that is important to you.  but if she brings a friend, they will offer to pay or at the very least pay for the friend. 

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11 years 39 weeks ago
 
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My experience is more like XpatJohn's; usually have to fight or be sneaky to pay the bill.  The exception is when with the gf.  I almost always pay, unless there's some special promotion where she can get a big discount by using her credit card (half price movie theater tickets, yay!).

 

But have also experienced the deal where some of her friends might show up to dinner as well.  But at leasts she usually asks if it's ok first no

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Ted:

It will depend on who you are with, and who did the invitation. 

If I am with friends, Chinese or otherwise,  Normally, there will be arguing over who pays the bill, with the host, most of the time, paying for it.  But then you are supposed to reciprocate in the near future.  Of course, there are always some that must go to WC at the end of a meal, or are very slow on the draw.....

If I am with my GF or with her and some relatives, I do pay most of the time.  But then I do get invited for dinners at their places in a few days, since they can not really afford to pay for restaurant meals too often.

It really does not bother me much (or at all) because I do not detect so far a desire to take advantage of me.  They do make an effort to order dishes with "good" prices, and not everything expensive on menu.  Most of the time we are 6 persons, and the bill is always around 200 Rmb.  I may do that 3 or 4 times per month, but I do get invited for dinner by GF, by her mother, by her brother and/or his GF at least 10 times per month.

brisguy:

get that with the family here as well.

Going out with my wife cousins or brother i am expected to pay. If we are with her friends people argue and I just put my hand up to say I will pay then they say no and leave it at that.

11 years 39 weeks ago
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Shifu

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i would always offer to pay........i like to treat people more than they treat me...so i never thought about that

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11 years 39 weeks ago
 
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