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Governor

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Q: Why I went to fight with my mom everytime I go home?

I found everytime my mom and I would went to a fight when I went home everytime. Not physical fight.

Again this time she asked me to go make my 7 years old nephew to do homework on his weekend. I refused and told her that my little nephew had enough hard time and homework from Monday to Friday, he needed a break on his weekend. My mom got mad at me and blamed on me saying that I just didn't want to help the little boy. She even went to tell everyone in my family how bad I am for refusing to help homework.She kept this on the whole day, I got pissed with her being unreasonable.

When I got pissed, I called her physcho, I know my nanecalling to the mom was bad, but I said when I was too pissed.

My mom even insulted me for not having a government job and that I failed gaokao and got my college degree from self-taught education.She thinks my degree isn't a real degree as long as it is not a college from gaokao, she thinks only government job is a good job. I am just so annoyed with her shallowness and ignorant, I got completely pissed

I tried to pick up my bag to leave the house for going to a hotel, my Dad took me home.

What's wrong with my family?

My younger sister stood with my mom and criticized that I am wrong. She said thats not your child that I have no right to decide the way to educate him. Lol

My younger sister even told I never treat my newphew well. I know I'll fight with everyone of them, just a matter of time.

They said I didn't treat them well, I took days off to go back to see them, tickets aren't that cheap. I could enjoy a good weekend with those money.

I'm so annoyed that they always ask me to gift the little boy hundreds of rmb. My old sister is divorced, she's earning the low salar, I understand life is hard for her. I wound like to help her out a bit while I could earn much more.

My mom told me that I should gift some money to the little boy and my sister would take the money so that I'm actually helping my sister out. How do you think of this theory?

Some Chinese and westerners say child view money not in a way we adult see. So it is fine to gift child money, how do you say?

3 weeks 22 hours ago in  General  - China

 
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Posts: 608

General

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you come across as being very similar to your family members - it is often said that the apple does not fall far from the tree.

a lot of what you say about your mother and sister can be attribute to yourself and how you interact with others in all of your relationships - professional and personal.

 

you are 'sensitive' to your mothers words, yet are very quick to abuse and insult those around you in a similar manner - i only have to look at how you have trashed colleagues, clients, family and posters on this forum - even the posters who have given you excellent suggestions.

you called your mother a 'psycho' to her face - WHO DOES THAT and still expect to be treated well by her and by the rest of the family?

do you have zero self control?

you contribute as much toxicity to your family relationship as they do - your family's attitude to you does not come out of no-where - YOU contribute and are responsible as much as they are.

did you honestly think your father would not defend your mother?

a good manager would know how to diffuse and deal with this sort of toxic situation.

 

why do you expect sympathy and understanding on this forum when you show none to any other poster here?

you are an adult yet you keep posting variations of the same problems over and over.

the only common factor in all these 'problems' is you, and your inability to react in any other way or learn from previous experience.

 

you 'need respect'

what have you done to earn any respect?

you have shown no respect and therefore deserve none.

 

if you want to see any change in any of your relationships, you have to change things about yourself and how you react to and deal with others.

Otherwise you will continue in the toxic cycle of negative relationships and an unfulfilled life.

 

you have posted the same self-pitying self-absorbed posts for years and can't seem to understand what needs to change.

 

i would recommend professional help - you don;t want any from people here, you only seem to want validation.

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3 weeks 3 hours ago
 
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Posts: 6377

Emperor

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A child wants toys.

A toy is instant. Unwrap, surprise, instant joy.

Let kids enjoy their childhood.

Money is a crap gift to give a child.

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3 weeks 21 hours ago
 
Posts: 608

General

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this the answers to this question should help you  wink

 

http://answers.echinacities.com/question/i-am-so-sick-chinese-money-culture

 

Happy New Year !

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3 weeks 19 hours ago
 
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In every family someone takes the responsibility to run it. I did not hear you mention your Father doing it in your write up. So, I can surely say that it is your Mother that has felt the burden of running it. You are the next male/female member in line and I find that you are not in a secure(Government) job and find it difficult to help them with additional funds. This is indicated by you in your statement that you could have had a very nice weekend if you stayed behind on weekends and enjoyed the same alone.

 

I now sense the lack of a Fatherly figure for your nephew. Your Mom is trying to tell you that you should take over the role and tell the kid, to do his home work. What she is hoping is that you encourage him and NOW sit with him and show how and get him under your wing, so that he will always look upto you as some one that he can respect and ask for help in times of need. You can always substitute a lot of love for other things in life. Friendship is the best. Being related you can pour it out freely and the kid will look forward to seeing you every weekend. Can you do that? Just for me? If you can you will be TOPS in my books.

 

I see you love your family and your Dad now feels that your Mom is blaming all of the difficulties the Family is facing on you and when you find that she is taking out all of her frustrations on you and when you want to pack up and leave, your DAD steps in and holds you back. Because he feels that you are still needed, loved and still a part of the family and better days will come and you all will find things a lot different in the future when that happens. He also knows that you are not mature enough to step into his shoes.

 

Time is a great healer. You will  also find it the same when you stay joined, united and as ONE and as a family and together. You all have seen good times and better days earlier on life. Your Dad can surely sense the same returning. Your Mom who runs the House does not see it happening immediately. Nor can she see it in her own way, of its returning that soon.

 

So, the expression of her frustrations upon you and in general has become the NORM of the day. She also needs to get a lift and some one should cheer her up so that the house will be a nice place to live, visit or return back to, and everyone must also make her feel wanted in all kinds of ways, by your kind thoughts, a small show of affection, a cheerful disposition and a hug or a peck on her cheeks, if it is the normal expression of affinity, that YOU can bestow upon the family. In short can you change your way of thinking to help the family feel that too and take it up to the next plateau. It does not have to be done with finances, but just by the show of affinity and love for your Family. If so, you have done that just by your thoughts and actions and NOW get my thank you's for the rest of your life for doing this with your time and efforts from here on.

 

Thank you for opening up to us here. I get an inward look into your culture and society and how it functions and now makes me a part of your community. It has brought me a little closer to your family. And when I get your response in the affirmative, It will touch my heart and I will feel a lot closer to you too.

 

A thank you from a stranger and a lot of loves to your nephew, your Mom and your Sister and to your understanding DAD too. You are the BEST, as always.

 

Regards.

 

Freddie.

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3 weeks 18 hours ago
 
Posts: 302

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Get married and have your own kids..then they have to give your kids money and attention..Its traditionally the woman's rite of passage...especially in China...maybe even a little revenge

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3 weeks 15 hours ago
 
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Soldier

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dont go back home without your man, then the focus will be on him!

as freddie posted about the 'fatherly figure' for your nephew, yes that is needed.

 

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3 weeks 11 hours ago
 
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Governor

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I really think they have issues. How could a monther insult her daughter's degree and job? She can't even realize how bad she just did to me. All she told is that I'm not being gratiful for how hard for her to brought me up and paid my education. She thinks she can say whatever she can to me and I shouldn't be mad at her because she's my mother. She's completely insane to my understanding. I'm very sensitive to those insulting words to my degree.

She's the one can't hold a normal conversation, sometimes I'm sick of her words.

Now she kept saying that I'm not a gratiful person. Saying that I won't take care of her when she's old. All those crazy words.

It got me completely frustrated and sad, I'm hurt because my own mother insulted me. I ate nothing the whole day for being too sad and mad.

Everytime I went home,my mother and other family members would insult me or even kept saying my ass is fat and demanded me to change clothes so I won't embarrass them while walking with them.

I really found they are being weird and unreasonable,my two sisters are just exactly like my mother. I am tired of them.

Others would not go back to home for long time for being insulted like me,I swallowed again and again to visit them because I care about them and they were my only family. But everytime they can't be reasonable, why can't they just shut their mouth up and stop saying those nasty words to me just for a few days? I only go back to home to stay for a few days each time. Sometimes just 2 nights, only go home like 4 times a year while my two sisters all live together with my parents everyday. Why can't they be more throufhful and be more understanding? A family likes that made me very sad, it costes me about 400rmb for each visit trip. Plus extra spending on gifts sometimes. I'll need to cook more meal for saving the money for visiting them.

I think I'm extremely nice.

My sister especially my big sister is a very catty woman,she can't shut her mouth up for not comment on my look, she called me fat or fat ass nonstop while I visited home.

What's the problem of them? They made me feel very uncomfortable everytime I visit home.

Very hard to get along with family from a village. They can't realize the problem of their way of interact with me. I'm a grown up woman, I need respect. I assume they don't understand respect for family member.

My mother kept saying that it wasted her life to brought me up and she won't count on me to feed up and take care of her while she's old. She said since I don't like this home, I can go pack up my stuff and go back to Shanghai now.

My Dad also started to insult me by saying that he doesn't think that my degree is a college degree and said that my sister"s is a real college because she passed gaokao.

They told me never come back and they have two daughters still. I didn't eat anything the entire day and left this home.

I really don't want to leave as I made a long way to come back my home. But at that moment my dignity got hurted and I just left and took my bag to stay in a temple for couple of hours to decide where to go. Charging my phone in the temple now and still there and sad.
They kept hurting me everytime I went home. As long as I fight back their nasty words, I got blamed and all people know my parents would blame me too. You know village people, parents can say whatever to adult children and they are always right.

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3 weeks 8 hours ago
 
Posts: 608

General

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you come across as being very similar to your family members - it is often said that the apple does not fall far from the tree.

a lot of what you say about your mother and sister can be attribute to yourself and how you interact with others in all of your relationships - professional and personal.

 

you are 'sensitive' to your mothers words, yet are very quick to abuse and insult those around you in a similar manner - i only have to look at how you have trashed colleagues, clients, family and posters on this forum - even the posters who have given you excellent suggestions.

you called your mother a 'psycho' to her face - WHO DOES THAT and still expect to be treated well by her and by the rest of the family?

do you have zero self control?

you contribute as much toxicity to your family relationship as they do - your family's attitude to you does not come out of no-where - YOU contribute and are responsible as much as they are.

did you honestly think your father would not defend your mother?

a good manager would know how to diffuse and deal with this sort of toxic situation.

 

why do you expect sympathy and understanding on this forum when you show none to any other poster here?

you are an adult yet you keep posting variations of the same problems over and over.

the only common factor in all these 'problems' is you, and your inability to react in any other way or learn from previous experience.

 

you 'need respect'

what have you done to earn any respect?

you have shown no respect and therefore deserve none.

 

if you want to see any change in any of your relationships, you have to change things about yourself and how you react to and deal with others.

Otherwise you will continue in the toxic cycle of negative relationships and an unfulfilled life.

 

you have posted the same self-pitying self-absorbed posts for years and can't seem to understand what needs to change.

 

i would recommend professional help - you don;t want any from people here, you only seem to want validation.

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3 weeks 3 hours ago
 
Posts: 1185

Governor

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You should film this, stream it and make a fortune.

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3 weeks 3 hours ago
 
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@ Blondie. You beat me to it, everything you have said is so right. Vicki cannot and will not see the problems lie within herself. The best example of this is her saying about not getting respect, she does not understand that respect is not given automatically, it has to be earned. So much of what she has said she is just as guilty as the rest of her family. She believes that because she has a degree and left the village for the city everyone should worship at her feet. I know girls like this in the city where I am, and I say girls rather than women because that is what they, and Vicki, are 30 year old children. She is an "international sales manager" and yet she cannot manage the smallest number of staff without alienating them. As far as international goes, when was the last time you travelled abroad on business for your boss and took your sales team with you bringing back orders? That is what an international sales manager does Vicki and you have never done that. I look forward to you coming back to this site when you are forty and still saying why can't I get a foreign boyfriend, why do my work colleagues not like me and how to set up my company after I have stolen all my boss's contacts. Look in the mirror Vicki, what you will see there is as good as it gets for you, just accept it and try to grow up.

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3 weeks 1 hour ago
 
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Vicki, firstly I have had one failed marriage which lasted 23 years. I have run my own company for 24 years, and still attract new clients by recommendation, I have no need to advertise. In the past I have worked as a floor manager for a retail store, managing twenty staff in different departments. Let us compare to you. You obviously find it very difficult to maintain any relationship whether or not it is family, personal or work. You have said many times over the years about starting your own business, but when did you actually do it. The closest you have ever come to it is to consider stealing your bosses clients. As we say about politicians do not listen to what they say, watch what they do. As far as we can see you have done nothing. True to form as soon as any one says anything you do not like you resort to calling people names, that is what little children do in the playground at school. You call me a loser, well I have news for you, I Do Not Give A Sh**. Until you change your self your life is going to continue the way it is. I look forward to hearing what your mama says when you tell her that the bad man on the internet said something nasty.

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2 weeks 6 days ago
 
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Emperor

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Yeah, if what you say tells the story accurately, then your mom is a bitch.  I've known people like that (thankfully not family members) that are unhappy in life and they continously project it. Belittling others seems to be the preferred mode.  Easy to deal with in life- just tell them to go suck a donkey d*ck,,,,

but what to do when the culprit is your own mom??  I dunno.  I guess just smile and take it,  and look at her and tell her you are working to improve.   One thing I wouldn't do is fight about it, that leads nowhere good for either of you.  And yes, I understand the temptation is strong to tell her to go eat a hot turd sub w/ a side of diarrhea sauce.

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2 weeks 6 days ago
 
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A: If he did contact the embassy they would tell him to engage a lawyer.
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