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Q: You know you have been in China too long when?

You take your bird for a walk
You never think of saying sorry or excuse me when you bump into someone

You’re at an expensive western restaurant and don’t even notice the guy at the next table yelling into
his cell phone
You enjoy karaoke
You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio

The China Daily is your source for hard hitting, fast breaking, and investigative journalism
You smoke in crowded elevators.
All white people look the same to you
You like the smell of the bus.

You find state-employed retail staff helpful, knowledgeable and friendly
You no longer need tissues to blow your nose
You find western toilets uncomfortable
You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person)
You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay
Healthy.

You think a 30 year old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute
A sexual pervert is a man who prefers women to money.

12 years 37 weeks ago in  Culture - China

 
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Posts: 335

Shifu

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... You squat atop a fire hydrant while waiting for the bus.
You think 'creativity' is stealing someone else's idea and changing it slightly.
You praise other people's ingenuity and creativity when they've stolen someone else's idea and changed it slightly.
You think nothing of pushing toddlers, pensioners and pregnant women out of the way to get that last seat on the metro.
You insist on using suncream with whitening agent, and carrying a parasol.
You can't go on holiday without wearing a flimsy red baseball cap alongside 29 other people, and following a guide with a flag.
You think that cheating on exams is a perfectly acceptable alternative to studying hard.
You splash water on the steps outside your apartment every morning.
You think Africa is a country.
Breakfast is a cigarette, followed by a very audible clearing of the throat, onto the floor of the hotel/train/restaurant.
You think Genghis Khan was Chinese.

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12 years 37 weeks ago
 
Posts: 89

Governor

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1.You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.
2.You stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to plan your day.
3.It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.
4.It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting.
5.You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply "Up To You".
6.You no longer wonder how someone who earns US$ 400.00 per month can drive a Mercedes.
7.You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue.
8.You accept without question the mechanic's analysis that the car is "Broken" and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it "Fixed".
9.You find that it saves time to stand and retrieve your hand luggage while the plane is on final approach.
10.You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your trousers, or you have your suits made with terrycloth pockets.
11.A T-Bone steak with rice sounds just fine.
12.You believe everything you read in the local newspaper.
13.You regard traffic signals, stop signs, and copy watch peddlers with equal disdain.
14.You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags.
15.When listening to the pilot prove he cannot speak English, you no longer wonder if he can understand the air traffic controller.
16.You regard it as part of the adventure when the waiter correctly repeats your order and the cook makes something completely different.
17.You are not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.
18.You blow your nose or spit on the restaurant floor (of course after making a loud hocking noise)
19.You look over people's shoulder to see what they are reading
20.You throw your trash out the window of your house, your car or bus you are on
21.You would rather SMS someone than actually meet to talk ‘face to face'
22.You wear nylons when it is 30 degrees outside
23.You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk
24.You regularly fumble for five minutes to find 10 jiao despite 10 people waiting in line behind you
25.One of your fingernails is an inch long
26.You ride around on your bicycle ringing a bell for some unknown reason
27.In a meeting you say everything will be 'wonderful' and give no details.
28.You forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start
29.You burp in any situation and don't care.
30.You see one foreign person eating Pineapple (or whatever) and say "Yes, all foreign people like Pineapple"
31.You start to watch CCTV9 and feel warm and comforted by the ream
32.You take a nap while you are dining in a restaurant with your girlfriend/boyfriend
33.Just everything produced in your home town is "very famous in China"
34.You don't do any favors without wondering what your personal benefit could be
35.You never ask "Why?" anymore.

•People ask you how young you were (几岁) when you moved to China
•You start shaving your eyebrows and stop shaving everywhere else
•You think American clothing is very plain
•Everything you are wearing was purchased in China
•You don’t know the conversion between CNY and USD
•People ask you where you are from and you say the Chinese province/city where you live
•Your English has a Chinese accent
•You can speak at least one other dialect aside from Mandarin
•You drink powder coffee
•You can’t understand why the waitress brought you a fork and knife instead of chop sticks
•You send back ice water for hot water
•You throw out your self tanners and carry an umbrella in sunny weather
•You like ankle hose with sandals and a skirt
•You think Great Wall wine is high class
•You married a Chinese person
•You consider not buying diapers for your children
•You play ping pong and badminton on a regular basis
•You hear someone say “laowai” and look around not realizing he/she is talking about you
•You can’t remember how to drive a car
•You like rice for breakfast and eggs for dinner
•Your Chinese friends ask you to bargain for them
•You don’t look before you cross the road
•You have never heard of any of the new English songs at KTV
•You get excited about mid-autumn festival but forget about Halloween
•You don’t think it’s weird to speak to other westerns in Chinese

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12 years 37 weeks ago
 
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