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Posts: 186

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Q: Friends for only money ?!?

I spend some time on We Chat and QQ trying to find some female friends. 

Many girls are ready to chat, sometimes in English and sometime using the translation software.

After 2 ~ 3 days of chatting, many girls ask to borrow money (mostly in tunes of about 2000 yuan),  and if i refuse to lend the money, they want to cut off the "friendship" !!

Many of my colleagues (expats) have also experienced this and while we discussed this over coffee, the most common excuse for borrowing money that all of us figured out is "mother is sick" or "I have to pay the house rent" !!

If a real friend is in genuine need, i do not mind.........But this is definitely a NO.

Any inputs from others if they have also experienced this ? 

I am not looking for any specific reasons or analysis for this thing; just comforting to know that I am not the only one !!

 

9 years 32 weeks ago in  Culture - China

 
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Posts: 9631

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I don't look for friends on QQ or other "China chats" but this story is one often told. You are not the only one who is suffering from the notion that foreigners are just ATMs. 

 

 

In a side note. If you get a friend who is reliable etc. and who does have a sick mother, instead of cash, consider saying you would pay a medical bill for them... if you want to help. Never give cash unless you are at a level of friendship where you have complete trust. 

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 20

Governor

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we may have to figure out their 5000 years of friendship culture.

btw,I am so god damn tired of this 5000 years thing,anyone?

MaryCeleste:

Here-here.

9 years 24 weeks ago
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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 4935

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My wife's brother keeps trying to get us to give him expensive gifts. Pretty much a scumbag.

 

We haven't given him shit. We even made him pay for his own birthday party to teach him a lesson.

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2878

Shifu

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Wow! Great to see an old sailor asking questions again!

 

I remember you had a fozzie of a bear of a question about whether the only reason anyone learned chinese was to get a girlfriend.

 

Keep up the tough questions and you can be our friend and pal!

expatlife26:

Yeah keep downvoting. Trash and Bash the only true hero on this forum

9 years 32 weeks ago
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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2878

Shifu

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Oh sorry! I forgot to answer your question!

 

At the China Foreign Teacher's Union or CFTU, we have a rule that all wechat conversations have to be group chats with a senior Thought Manager included.

 

This makes sure that we don't use profane language or speak out of turn.

 

If you join up, you will be required to do this as well so you needn't worry about being scammed.

expatlife26:

Oh here we go...all the Trash & Bash downvotes coming in cause I mentioned the CFTU.

 

Figures! 

9 years 32 weeks ago
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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 364

Governor

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Never happened to me. When I first came to China I used to chat with random people over WeChat, and I have never been asked for money. I don't know if QQ is different, never really used it.

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 352

Shifu

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chatting with random people is completely useless, many lazy gold diggers.

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
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Never ever happened to me, never heard of it either.

 

Circa 2010/2011, random people would ask to chat with me. For some reason I never quite figured out, they were single Chinese girls knowing I was a foreign guy. Most of the time, the conversation wouldn't go farther from "Do you like Chinese food ?" and stuffs like that, despite my best attempts for conversations. Some girls would be a bit more chatty and would talk about themselves a bit. It was often ...gritty, really gritty realities... But nobody ever asked for anything but some attention. No money, no favors, nothing. I just listened and let them talk, making some observations here and there. It was quite a fascinating gallery of characters.

Then this flow of random people stopped as it came, mysteriously and without explanations. I know someone who met his wife like that, she was bored at work and randomly talked with him. They are married and happy parents now.

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
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Can you lend us all Y2000 Noel? We can talk about it over coffee..If you say no, we'll have to end our friendship.

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 916

Shifu

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Money speaks, so what's new? QQ and Wechat are filled with opportunists and I am not surprised that they ask for money after a while. If you give the first time, there will be a second, third.....it will never end. My advice is, once they start asking, you should stop talking to them. 2 things will happen once you give. You will never hear from them again or they will ask for more. Don't kid yourself, they just want money.

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 87

Governor

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Maybe you say you want sex. They think if you want something we want something? I am right? You cheeky little monkey

Eorthisio:

Foreigners in China don't need to pay for sex, not even the old, fat or ugly ones. Chinese women can tell you more about that.

9 years 32 weeks ago
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Redguard:

they don't need to but some still do. besides all men pay for sex one way or another.

9 years 32 weeks ago
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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 186

Governor

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Going by some of the answers, contrary to what some people might believe, i never proposed to pay money for sex.

Friendship for "mutual benefits" can be considered but not proposed by me.

I am totally against using "friendship" as tool to extort money based on emotional blackmailing.

expatlife26:

Forgive them for assuming an old sailor like you should know his way around a "sextant"!

9 years 32 weeks ago
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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 186

Governor

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some people have asked if I can lend Y2000 to everybody on this forum.

If I did not submit to emotional blackmailing of pretty girls, what makes them believe that I should give them all Y 2000 ?

bill8899:

Y2000? What the **** would we do with Y2000?

9 years 23 weeks ago
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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 79

Governor

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first of all, trying to randomly pick  "female friends" on wechat or qq is a total wrong move. 

same as the social app MoMo.

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
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I can totally see where Capt. Noel is coming from.

Back in Changsha i used to attend an EC every week in a local coffee shop.

I would meet the same people regularly and chat about innocuous topics.

One week a guy I had met a few times asked me for 20,000 RMB

"for his family medical bills because we were friends"

I of course refused as politely as i could. I avoided him then as much as I could. 

This was not a unique occurrence: several people i had known for a while tried to hit me for several thousand RMB for random reasons.

Needless to say, i always politely declined, which caused them to take offense.

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
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I met my girlfriend on Weixi, she added me using the "Peoples Nearby" feature, we have been living together since long enough for me to be sure that she is not a scammer, she never asked me to lend her money or to buy her expensive things.

 

But yes Weixi is infamous for the countless scammers and prostitute accounts. although there was a crackdown and more than ten thousand accounts that were not following the rules have been deleted not long ago.

 

Otherwise I think that Weixi is a good app for Chinese to meet foreigners living nearby them and the opposite, IRL Chinese people don't dare approaching us.

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
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The new wechat registrations rules recently announced seem a bit vague.

 

Are they for everyone or just people with lots of friends?

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
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What do you think girls in Barber shops to Banks do in all of their spare time, ( I mean work hours) ? They QQ for money. Either that or the dating site,  ''Anything For A Green Card''.

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 702

Shifu

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While travelling in a bus a girl said she has seen me in that bus a few times.. She wanted to be friends. And within a week..guess what happened? she had to pay 28000RMB for her International English classes for 18 months...Asked me for 10k about a month ago

and BTW she is still waiting for my response surprise

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
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Hmmm...

 

 

This has never happened to me.

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1084

Shifu

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This is more of what the younger generation of 'pretty girls' are doing.

 

Unemployed lazy mahjong gambling addicts who get dudes to take them out to nice restaurants and night clubs every night.

 

They leave messages on wechat moments in Chinese like "Who's inviting me out for dinner tonight?" or "Who's going to *blablabla* nightclub tonight?"

 

But its all the young rich from their daddy morons who enjoy treating these girls like that and obviously as a foreigner you're also automatically rich!

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9 years 32 weeks ago
 
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I have to say that my experience is totally different. As per my experience many Chinese, both male and female, are eager to chat in English in order to improve their English. Majority of them is then more than happy to slip into Chinese if that is the option.
So far I find it very easy to distinguish the working girls but even them are usually not asking for borrowing money but they offer the 'exchange'.
As a matter of fact I am convinced that Wechat or QQ conversation in Chinese substantially contributes to increasing the learning Chinese language efficiency. In that sense I assume that it worls also the other way run for Chinese people to improve their English.
But saying all of this China is big and has a lot of people (as Chinese frequently love to say Smile ) and therefore there certainly also are plenty of cheaters involved in such conversations. But as mentioned above - so far I did not meet any of such and I frequently use mainly Wechat to talk to 'strangers'.

Hulk:

Really?

When I wanted to practice Chinese, it was always, "Sorry, I have to go." I had this Henan Harlot who was horrible with it. She just used me to translate her crappy English.

9 years 23 weeks ago
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gouxiong:

When I get a 'hit' from People Nearby in Wechat so I just reply in Chinese. Usually it's then followed by short excahnge who is who. Subsequently we either find a common topic interesting for both of us and we continue in conversation (in Chinese) or we do not and the conversation is over. It so far worked for me in many cities throughout the China more or less in the same way.

9 years 23 weeks ago
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9 years 23 weeks ago
 
Posts: 63

Governor

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A decent Chinese never borrow money.In Chinese culture, it is a shame to bother other people with financial problems.

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9 years 23 weeks ago
 
Posts: 4397

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  Look, love is not simple, there is give and take in every relationship. We give that we might live free and not as one locked in a box. But if you want to get a look at her box, you're gonna have to pay out, savvy?

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9 years 23 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1198

Shifu

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I've only been asked by expats for money. Some of them even paid it back.

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9 years 23 weeks ago
 
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