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earthizen

Posts: 2429

Shifu

Q: I secretly lent 80,000 to my brother for his house purchase. My regrets came after four days

A common enough prc family scenario that this local article was published. https://www.toutiao.com/a6496724201385230862/ Translated by baidu. The article's title is the OP's title.

'I got married as soon as I graduated from college. When I got married my mother told me it was not easy for her and my dad to raise me up, and they were unhappy I didn't earn money to help the family out before getting married. They said their efforts in raising me up were all wasted.

I felt sorry for that. After getting married I always give them pocket money within my capability, every time several hundred dollars, my husband knew but said nothing.

My brother bought a house and I secretly gave him 80 thousand. After 4 days, I regretted.

My husband's salary and mine was put together, both of us knew the bank card pin. The card was kept by me, my husband usually didn't care about these things as he knew I was careful with spending.

Last month my brother called me up, said he wanted to buy a house and was 80 thousand short. He asked if I could think of a way. The amount was so large that I did not immediately give him my reply, I wanted to go home and discuss it with my husband first. Immediately afterwards my mother had me go home for dinner.

I thought I had not been to see my parents for a long time and I also wanted to ask my mother's opinion about my brother's buying a house.

At the dining table my mother took the initiative and mentioned it, telling me that my brother's new girlfriend came from a rich family, the two also were in a rush to get married. The bride's family has no other requirements beyond my brother's having a house in the city. There would be a lot of dowry from the bride. After they get married the 80 thousand would be returned to me. It sounded very reliable, and in face of my mother's hard threats and soft grinding I consented and transferred 80 thousand to my brother's account in secret, only to regret it four days later.

Going home I did not tell my husband about lending the money but I was very uneasy. My nightmare came true when in fewer than four days my husband found out the bank balance was 80 thousand less. After pressing me where the money had gone he forced me to get it back and if I couldn't get back the money he would divorce me.

I was forced to call my brother. He said the money was the result of my giving it to him, not a loan. He would not give it back. My regrets arrived. This time I found myself so stupid for treating him as a family member, not requiring him to sign an IOU, getting bitten. I am now being complained by both sides. I really do not know what to do.'

Lesson, in prc trust no one including your mother, father, brother, wife.......etc. ?

18 weeks 6 days ago in Culture - China

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mike168229

Posts: 1200

Governor

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Not suprising in the slightest. Wifes gran died more than four years ago. Original party member, mayor of Xingtai, etc. Kids are still arguing over the 40k that the party gave for death indemnity. Four years and the fuckers are still arguing.

FIL (son) had to pay grannies hospital fees amounting to more than 70k, this is after she lives with them for more than 25 years cos other kids can't be arsed to help. Other family members say they will contribute and don't. Then start arguing over the 40k. Madness.

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18 weeks 1 day ago

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ciac

Posts: 17

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Not cool.

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18 weeks 6 days ago

Doc3x3

Posts: 54

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Wow! This is very surprising to me. I mean how could family members cheat one another in this manner?

Stiggs:

I've heard a few stories of friends and family f***ing each other over for money that just makes you shake you head and say WTF.

It usually starts with a loan that people don't want to repay - simple greed in other words - and turns nasty really fast.

I think you'd be shocked at what goes on that most people don't hear about because it's kept in the family.

18 weeks 6 days ago

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earthizen:

The answer lies in the second paragraph, "they were unhappy I didn't earn money to help the family out before getting malrried. They said their efforts in raising me up were all wasted." The parents use their offsprings, in this case her, being one of the two as an investment vehicle. When the return on investment is zero they become indignant and look for ways to get it back, regardless of how unethical the ways are.

This is common in prc. Their great leader Deng said, "black cat white cat, the cat that catches mice is a good cat". His teachings are taught in schools, even those who don't go to school know this one. One can say this is prc's national motto.

Think about this. When one can treat immediate family members this way, guess how one would treat non-immediate family members, from 'friends' to strangers on the streets, customers, and more distant folks such as people of another country?

18 weeks 5 days ago

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18 weeks 6 days ago

Noel05

Posts: 186

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We all must do what we must do.

We must do our KARMA, without any expectations of fruits.

Think of the it as the repayment and fulfillment of expectations of your parents.

Not discussing with husband was obviously a mistake.

What is done is done. Move on.

Your husband should be more supportive.

Money will come and go.

earthizen:

This is a product of communism's the end justifies the means teaching, which comes from Marx's historical materialism. In one word, unscrupulous. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marxism

Many Buddhists adopt the attitude, "consider this as repayment of pastlives' debt". While this may serve as a psychological comforting belief which may be true or not (unless you can see by remembering at least that part of your pastlife), it is equally plausible, actually more likely the case, that the identical situation happened,in that pastlife, ie the girl was a victim and the brother the deceitful abuser/con person, and she failed to master the lesson of standing up and assert herself, as a victim in which case she better gets it right this lifetime, ie no stupid turning the other cheek / dormat volunteer.

This is an important syndrome for many of those among the softer of Buddhists and Christians to understand --- martyrdom-is-noble/valuable. It is important for them to end this recurring pastlife theme. This has gone on for too long.

18 weeks 1 day ago

This is a product of communism\'s the end justifies the means teaching, which comes from Marx\'s historical materialism. In one word, unscrupulous.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marxism Many Buddhists adopt the attitude, "consider this as repayment of pastlives\' debt".  While this may serve as a psychological comforting belief which may be true or not (unless you can see by remembering at least that part of your pastlife), it is equally plausible, actually more likely the case, that the identical situation happened,in that pastlife, ie the girl was a victim and the brother the deceitful abuser/con person, and she failed to master the lesson of standing up and assert herself, as a victim in which case she better gets it right this lifetime, ie no stupid turning the other cheek /  dormat volunteer. This is an important syndrome for many of those among the softer of Buddhists and Christians to understand --- martyrdom-is-noble/valuable.  It is important for them to end this recurring pastlife theme. This has gone on for too long.

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18 weeks 1 day ago

Englteachted

Posts: 5184

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This is China

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18 weeks 1 day ago

mike168229

Posts: 1200

Governor

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18 weeks 1 day ago

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Original Text:

Questing title : I secretly lent 80,000 to my brother for his house purchase. My regrets came after four days 
		
Questing description : A common enough prc family scenario that this local article was published. &nbsp;https://www.toutiao.com/a6496724201385230862/ &nbsp; Translated by baidu. The article's title is the OP's title.
&nbsp;
'I got married as soon as I graduated from college. When I got married my mother told me it was not easy for her and my dad to raise me up, and they were unhappy I didn't earn money to help the family out before getting married. &nbsp;They said their efforts in raising me up were all wasted. &nbsp;
&nbsp;
I felt sorry for that. After getting married I always give them pocket money within my capability, &nbsp;every time several hundred dollars, my husband knew but said nothing.
&nbsp;
My brother bought a house and I secretly gave him 80 thousand. After 4 days, I regretted.
&nbsp;
My husband's salary and mine was put together, both of us knew the bank card pin. &nbsp;The card was kept by me, my husband usually didn't care about these things as he knew I was careful with spending.&nbsp;
&nbsp;
Last month my brother called me up, said he wanted to buy a house and was 80 thousand short. He asked if I could think of a way. &nbsp;The amount was so large that I did not immediately give him my reply, I wanted to go home and discuss it with my husband first. &nbsp;Immediately afterwards my mother had me go home for dinner.&nbsp;
&nbsp;
I thought I had not been to see my parents for a long time and I also wanted to ask my mother's opinion about my brother's buying a house.&nbsp;
&nbsp;
At the dining table my mother took the initiative and mentioned it, telling me that my brother's new girlfriend came from a rich family, the two also were in a rush to get married. &nbsp;The bride's family has no other requirements beyond my brother's having a house in the city. &nbsp;There would be a lot of dowry from the bride. &nbsp;After they get married the 80 thousand would be returned to me. It sounded very reliable, and in face of my mother's hard threats and soft grinding I consented and transferred 80 thousand to my brother's account in secret, only to regret it four days later.
&nbsp;
Going home I did not tell my husband about lending the money but I was very uneasy. My nightmare came true when in fewer than four days &nbsp;my husband found out the bank balance was 80 thousand less. &nbsp;After pressing me where the money had gone he forced me to get it back and if I couldn't get back the money he would divorce me. &nbsp;
&nbsp;
I was forced to call my brother. &nbsp;He said the money was the result of my giving it to him, not a loan. &nbsp;He would not give it back. &nbsp;My regrets arrived. &nbsp;This time I found myself so stupid for treating him as a family member, not requiring him to sign an IOU, getting bitten. I am now being complained by both sides. &nbsp;I really do not know what to do.'
&nbsp;
Lesson, in prc trust no one including your mother, father, brother, wife.......etc. &nbsp;?

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