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Q: OK, I understand a bad China day now, they don't listen, answer or think.
I go to the store, buy a loaf of bread 5.5Y, they use a calculator to figure out change from a 10Y. Every store does this. I did accounting, I can add large sums in my head. But I'm stupid foreigner who can't think, quote me if you want..
First thing today my girl friend started on, I don't know China, Chinese people. This about how Chinese women must stay in bed a month before having baby, need Chinese food. (never told her I think food is crap) I'm trying to say my medical is free and my doctors a much better. Rest in Canada home. No bathing, windows closed are not a great idea. But if this is what is needed to be able to keep the windows closed when the AC or heat is on, I'll have to consider this.,This came from out of the blue,, and she never wants to listen to my logical answer, just walks away. I'm not angry , not going to argue, heavy sign.
Clerk in store today just reaming his nose, I splash milk on my hand and wipe on jeans , i get crap for being discusting.
I have my cards approved for a large cash advance. Only have one day to do this. We go to a bank and I can not take the money out because it needs to be RMB, not $. So I ask exchange rate (which is wrong, next bank is more, can't tell GF clerk is wrong) and do the math in my head and tell her the Y amount, DA.... short story, end up sent to different banks each saying no can do.Use ATM, ATM fees would be 800Y. spent the day trying to get money. I can not convince my GF that these people do not know what they are doing. But right or wrong, she walks away. she isn't mad, just won't listen. So finally I tell her, i ask what you want, I listen to what you say, i do what you want, but when i want to say something you walk away, this is rude. Please do not do this. This is more extreme than not answering questions, running away so you can't listen. So just came home, going to buy lots of beers, I hid all the sharp objects. Should I phone my mother and say good bye?
11 years 49 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Ok, perhaps I have an answer for you (but, perhaps not!)
My ex-gf would do this, and when I pulled her up on it (and beat it out of her), she confessed that her lack of language made her feel like she couldn't really communicate to me what she really wanted to be able to express - and, with this language barrier, I would always 'win' any argumnent.
Now, i could certainly agree with the former attitude (trying to really express yourself fully), but the second... I can understand, but don't totally agree... but I can understand it!
So, rather than feeling completely helpless... she would walk away!
Perhaps the same for you guys?
TedDBayer:
maybe,,, sounds fair,,, but I'm not arguing, just trying to say the bank clerks are too stupid and lazy to do something different. or even figure out the cash amount,,simple math,,,,,I spent an entire day trying to get money,, there was a simple solution,, do 13 ATM withdraws.,,,yeah right
Shining_brow:
Possibly... but this girl's English really wasn't great - so I would believe it from her. (why she wants to do BEC Higher is beyond me! and her..... She'd be lucky to pass the beginner's level :( )
In the words of Yoda,' do or do not, there is no such thing as try''
I tried edit my question, can't ,, store clerk just reaming her nose today, I slash milk on my hand , wipe hand on jeans, I get crap. Discusting how I wipe my hands on jeans. Sorry.
Same thing happens to me all the time with my gf.
I think Shining hit the nail on the head as this is the issue with her. She doesn't walk away but will just ignore me...when I press her over and over she says it's because she doesn't know how to say what she means in English.
It is either a great excuse or she is serious...either way I have no choice but to drop it or hand her my iphone so she can translate the answer.
Chinese women are stubborn as hell and don't like to be wrong.
TedDBayer:
never told GF she was wrong, only that bank clerks do not know how to do something,, so choose not to help,,a simple thing in China,, something they all know,, ''give me money'' Dude did you get yr iphone back,? mine has a 3 and 4 from me.
Rudeness REALLY pisses the living shit out of me. Those with less schooling or less exposure to foreigners tend to do this more often, though I have seen country people behaving better than some city-folk. Now, there are MANY things that I am willing to tolerate here in China, and I do, but rudeness is NOT one of them. I explain how truly offensive it is. Some have changed and actually listen. Those that listen, sometimes I am right and yes, sometimes i am wrong. What amazes them is that when I do realize I am wrong, I admit it. What is important, even when i am wrong, I at least now understand why and so I learn.
Now, for those that dont listen, and continue to walk away I then limit my company with them (no errands) or even cut them off all together.
There was a girl I had been dating who did this to me a few times. I had explained this before and her answer was basically "this is the Chinese way." The last time we were together, she did this again. She walked away. Instead of chasing after her like I had done in the past, asking whats wrong or "please, just hear me out" I hailed a cab and went home. When she started to call, I ignored her. It was not until she sent me a text message asking me why I left and "why you not pick up the phone" that I answered her that I was doing the same thing to her that she always did to me, that she told me this was the " Chinese way " like she said and that we should no longer meet.
While it can be nice to have a partner, I cannot be with one who has little or no courtesy. I can understand in an argument wanting to talk about it later, especially if one is very mad and wants to cool down. But to just have your say, turn around , plug in earbuds for the mp-3 and walk away...? Rather be single.
TedDBayer:
I wasn't arguing,, just stating that they were not willing to do something that was different, probably because they can't think enough to do figure it out. The clerk was wrong about the bank rate,, but listen to NO,( difference was .2Y) I was getting excited at talkiing to someone walking away and not listening to me. I was just venting.
GuilinRaf:
Thats okay buddy! Vent away! I much prefer to vent here where I will get mostly sympathy and understanding and then be able to put on a happy face tomorrow for my students. And, often times after a nice good vent, the happy face is real!
TedDBayer:
thanks Guilin,Thats why i write crap, my way of venting. I usually make a joke about everything.
jyao87:
It's a shitty little game Chinese women like to play. It's to show she has the upper hand. And please do not let that happen. It is soooo immature they do this. Like why can't they behave like a civilized person and just talk it out like adults do? I wouldn't play along with their games. They think it's the movies where the man always runs back and asks ohhh sorry blah blah blah Wellll it's reality, and those games don't work !
Hehe, now you understand. This is going to come out badly, I think, but thank GOD my partner came over with me and that we share a similar cultural background. I simply could not deal with that shit at home as well as at work/daily life. Hide the sharp objects, and drink. It helps.
If you like dealing with this, then by all means, keep her. I highly doubt she will change unless you show her you mean serious business. Otherwise, you will have many more experiences like this in the future. Have fun drinking.
TedDBayer:
I know their are culture and language differences. I'm usually patient when i hear about how different Chinese are,, but rudeness I'm going to be firm.. BTW I haven't found a beer I like so I bought one of everything tonight. Cheers.
Seems Ted is having hard time coping with Chinese Girls...No offense..but after read a lot about this post and earlier i am guessing so...May be I am kind of luck guy so far though I come from the poorest country in Asia...However I have been to Europe most of the time and got chances to make girlfriends there...well just came out from long term relationship from germany just 2 weeks after visiting her during spring festival and 4 months after she visited me in China....Why I am saying luck is that when I broke, immediately after 2 weeks i got to go out with a nice lady from BOK who was actually introduced by my Mongolian friends-with-benefit.....somehow i realized that there is no such term as friends-with-benefit (at least here) because as soon as i started to take the chinese girl out, the mongolian started to piss me off and on the other hand Chinese was asking me to choose between one...lots of running ups and downs.
I actually wanted to leave mongolian as she suggested me to go for chinese girl that she introduced...anyway what i was telling about the "Lucky" guy is that i also had to deal with "girl control", "26 yrs old with 6 yrs mentality" bla bla....I cleared the smoke with Mongolian as I told Chinese that I am a man and it takes time to clear things and since we work at the same place I could not deny any contact with mongolian. She trusted me...then we had happy two weeks and my chinese girlfriend asked me to go out to her home town which i promptly accepted.
Ironically she had a tiny skiny friend accompanying her....So far I didn't object...they bought the train ticket..I am not sure who paid for it...when me and my girlfriend reached the hotel, she told me the amount to be paid. I showed my Chinese bank card and insted of using mine she used her credit card.....had lots of fun..went out but paid equally..at one point with some friends from home town someone paid for the dinner...
Anyway, returned home sound and happy(that was what i was guessing)..then few days later I called my girl and went out for buying a phone then dinner..she called the same friend and asked me if she could invite her for dinner...i have had no objection...But i knew i had about 200 RMB left in my wallet but as i was used to the local chinese restaurants and food 200 RMB was way much for 3 people...had dinner and paid myself...then time to wonder to shopping stores....voilaaaaa...ladies wanted to drink something and as before i presented my bank card (I was used to it...even though from poor country I was used to pay from Card without carrying much cash and I still don't carry cash if I could pay by card)....BOOOOM....just saw my GF handing 100 RMB for drinks....That evening passed smootly.
Next day, she told me that she was coming to me after dinner with her friend. But in the evening she didn't...She changed her mind after meeting that girl...then came the night with all buzz about chinese systems...she told me exactly everything that I have been reading in this forum..."guys pay but girls just lay P***", kind of similarity of gold digging.....then i told her my system that though i am from poor country we or at least i have a system of GTPS (go together pay self) or divide as we consume (beer drinkers pay more and vodka or coke drinkers pay less)...i told her that if she can't accept my rules then she is free to walk away...On my behalf, I am ready to chage a little and go for Chinese food pay little bit more...so we had lots of discussion about these things...suprisingly i found that the reason she turned to TNT was the same skiny tiny chinese friend who has received 250,000 RMB from a guy just being a mistress...............gotcha.........
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to be respected with mutual undertanding and empowerment or just to be like mistress?????????? Great...she took my side and now we made a kind of deal like 60:40 ( if i pay 60 she pays 40)..it was similar with my previous swedish and german girlfriend also ( I don't mind paying for my girl but i am simply not ready to pay for the whole fucking bunch of people to keep her FACE and my FACE)....Now we are happy..and she is more eager to know how people behave in different society and what really gives self satisfaction and empowerment to the women....since she is a employee of BOK............Hurrayyyyyyyyyy I have no problem with bank issues, using taobao etc.... i use her card and i pay her hard cash.....the point is..since we have cultural difference..may be we foreigners should also try to understand the mentality of these people and try to see if we can make any changes in them....Anyway bro..i also got 2 L of german beers tonight and enjoying myself as she can't come to me everyday because of her parents...............just enjoy and see if you can change..if you can change them then it is better than other girls (they can dance on your fingers) .............the greatest secrect is that she still doesn't know that I just have a PR of Canada........
THE NEXT DAY.
After spending that day trying to get money from a bank (only 30,000)and not getting any where, my complaint was that everyone in these banks were lazy, not thinking and just being stupid because of mistakes. They said they can not read my card because of software. I said do it manually. This the GF would not listen to, walked away.
The next day I went to the same Bank of China by myself, told them again.what I wanted, they had to fax for approval, I had to wait 20 minutes for a reply. This is too much work, send a fax??Then after its done the girl says next time do it for under 20,00, its easier. Well DA, why didn't they do two 15,000? THINK
GuilinRaf:
Rub away! BUT! dont mention the "downside". Just a "See honey! I did it! All they ahd to do was send a fax!"
she will be amazed that the laowai was able to do ALONE something she couldnot (would not) help you with.
and when she asked why, you tell her "I tried to tell you bu t you did not want to hear".
Jnusb416:
If you like pissing her off, ok. Next time you might want to try just going by yourself if she isn't helping.
There is a limit to the amount of currency trading you can do in a day, thanks to Chinese laws, the limits are kinda tight.
Forgot the actual numbers, but it's something around 500 American dollars per day. However, Chinese people have larger limits. I think their only limit is no more than 50,000 American dollars per year.
Haha, you should've had the girl come with you to avoid these limits.
Also, shouldn't you learn a bit more about the culture and whether you two are stable together before the topic of making babies gets anywhere near?
There are some very big issues with the Chinese culture, they are like 100 years behind the west and it looks like things are not getting better any time soon.
