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Q: Aaaagh, my eyes!!!
The wife just called my name, so I wandered through to the open bathroom doorway she was standing in to see her there scrubbing her mother's back. The mother-in-law was naked as the day she was born but 'A LOT' more weathered.
I don't think i'll sleep tonight.
What's the worst, most disastrous, freakiest, fugliest thing you've seen or shock to the system you've had in your......(oh Jesus, I think i'm gonna puuu...) time here?
i once saw a huge, naked, obese Chinese man taking a sh!t on the grass at a local park... i saw him from the rear... squatting... when he realized i was there, he looked at me like i was the crazy person for NOT taking a dump on the perfectly good grass... and i couldn't help but notice, he had no toilet paper... and where would he have washed his hands...
You know the deal : what have been seen can not be unseen !
Worst retina burning experience in China, hum... Ever been to the gorgeous Qinhai Lake ? Awesome place, mixing gigantic snowy mountains, sand dunes, grasslands and a large pristine lake, toped by a clean sky. I've been there. Tough luck : the food grabbed in a hurry at the Lanzhou train station was too much of a challenge for my well-traveled digestive system. I *badly* needed somewhere to crap. Being a stupid laowai brainwashed to follow rules, I tend to crap in toilets if there are toilets to be found around, even if it means holding it and walk. I found a toilet around Qinhai lake. No way I would litter such a nice wilderness. The toilet was a sorry brick house, the usual countryside toilet. I go inside and... the ground was covered of a 1 meter thick layer of human poop. Some of it was fresh. You, see, they built toilets with the latest hardware available, but they did not plug running water. You had the concrete floor, the toilets just put down over the floor, no tubing, nothing. The people who built that did not understand what a toilet is in the first place. So, yeah, the ground was full of shit everywhere. Some people dropped stones on the floor, to step inside without sinking in the poop layer. I wish I could erase this memory.
Paulberger:
... i think that is probably the nastiest sounding thing i have heard... soooo... did you use the "facility"? do tell
DrMonkey:
What happens in Qinhai Lake's toilet stays in Qinhai Lake's toilet. Even if it accumulates in a meter thick layer.
this is why you must always keep a bottle of vodka as part of your emergency kit. for a situation like this maybe pouring it straight into your eyes is best as you say you become an idiot when you're drunk
of course there is the good old fact that women become more attractive as men become more drunk.... maybe the MIL isn't all that bad looking after a gallon of baijou.
More seriously. I think you should tell your wife that you find it inappropriate that she calls your name in such a situation. Not only will you be scarred for life, but I am sure your MIL isn't that fond of being looked at with your hungry eyes.
mArtiAn:
Ahem, I think my exact words were I become 'problematic' when i'm drunk.
Aren't you the same age as your MIL, anyway? 
mArtiAn:
No, she's got 20 years on me. It's a frightening thought that that may be what i've got to look forward to when the wife gets older, but then what with all my years of drinking and smoking i'll probably be dead by then, so.....it's not all bad.
Scandinavian:
@martian. Just because you don't believe in it doesn't mean hell isn't real. I mean, have you ever been to Changsha ?
Wow. That just made me do my "f**king hell" face.
My worst thing was stepping in, and smearing all over my OPEN SANDAL what was clearly a human shit. In a park. On the path.
Hulk:
I did that in Zhuzhou. Some half-wit took a dump outside the restaurant. I stepped in it and smeared it all over the place. I walked away muttering something about "savage pucking apes."
I was seduced by a 67 year old a few years ago. Still have flashbacks.
Wait, so why did she call you?
mArtiAn:
I think she wanted to ask me something, I can't remember. That whole day has already started to recede into the mists of repressed memory.
Marty McFly, are you on a 30-day visa? Does this post mean what I think it means?
mArtiAn:
I'm not sure, what do you think it means? To me it just means I saw my mother-in-law's fat, saggy butt and it made me want to stick needles in my eyes.
I remembered this post and thought how thankful I was at the time that no such thing has happened to me. Well, things changed this Spring Festival. I got a full bare-breasted view of the MIL. That sucked!
