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Q: Is this accurate?

-Like some feed back

 

The self-loathing English teacher

 

This is a portrait of self-loathing English teachers. It is odd we should write about them. They are not a beautiful people. But we’ve met many, or perhaps even count ourselves among them. Self-Loathing English teachers are not a monolithic group. No, they have many sub-species and we shall give you, dear reader, the distinguishing characteristics, the field marks, to make a positive identification of what self-loathing teacher you see.

 

-Number 1-The Anti-American

The anti-American has 2 distinct types. Does he come from the US? If so the anti-American may be an outright Marxist. He may go so far as to even praise Hugo Chavez, Castro, and North Korea for standing up to “American Imperialism”. He tells you how here in China he has more freedom than in America. He’ll explain to you how America is the cause of all the wars of the 20th century, how terrible the political repression is in America compared to China, and how most Americans can’t get the real news. He’s oddly pissed off when you have any facts (or worse foreign media sources) to quote.

The other anti-american comes from another English speaking country, particularly Canada. He simply complains that, you, as a Yank, have no right to criticize China. You are a guest here, and should simply shut up. After all, America has guns, and nobody is ever shot in China. You Americans have no concept of the world. Logic is also useless against him.

 

-Number 2- The bitter misogynist

       The bitter misogynist may have gone through a divorce, which took away his money, house, and kids. Or he may simply have never gotten laid in the US. Either option is possible. Anyway he is easy to identify. First, he complains how bad American women are, at any point. Go to dinner, he says “American women always expect you to pay the bill, even when they don’t put out” He praises Chinese women for “they know how to treat a man” but you notice he seems to be single. Even worse is when he has a proem with Chinese women. At this point “Chinese women are all mercenary whores, who care only about money”. He spends a great deal of money on massage joints. Tends to be older, ugly, or both.

 

-Number 3- The professional

       He got his degree in language, linguistics, or some related area. Although he is, almost a ‘real’ teacher he finds the staff treats him no different from the other talking monkeys. He spends his time insisting he is a real teacher, and pissing off anybody who makes more money than him. He is totally unappreciated, but looking for an external raison de etre he goes mad. Soon he reaches the point where he become the

 

-Number 4- Alcoholic teacher

       The teacher is able to continue his life in China only by spending increasing hours drunk out of his skull. This is the guy who drinks beer for breakfast, who pukes on himself at lunch, and who can’t remember what day it is. If he is young, bar fights, and injuries ensue. If he is old, he stays in his apartment, drinking 6RMB baijiu and downloading porn. It still isn’t pretty

 

-Number 5-Psycho teacher

       Psycho teacher has mental problems. He may think the Chinese are all-looking at him, and slip into paranoia. He may think all Chinese women want to sleep with him. Either way, he is delusional. He tells you “Foreigners can’t be trusted, man, they are all losers and shit.” His students have trouble because he can only be reached through a series of on-campus dead drops. Finally he is carried out of his room, talking to himself.

 

-Number 6-Angry White Woman

       Angry White Woman unable to find a man in her country, moves to China. She is distressed by the Chinese male’s lack of will, and disgusted by the foreign men who ignore her. She becomes bitter as gall. She can be seen drunk off her ass at a night club, grinding Nigerians who appreciate a thick white chick. Sadly it is a one-night thing, and soon she is cursing her luck. Angry white women usually only last 1 year in China. They only admit to self-loathing after 6 girly drinks.

 

-Number 7- I’m great!

       I’m great is only working in China until his Navy SEAL pension kicks in, and he gets his Ferrari imported. Until then he’s working at an illegal school for 4k a month. He will kick your ass with his Jet Kun Dough, even though he’s 5 foot fuck all, and 50 pounds over weight. Also he has dozens of beautiful Chinese girlfriends, but seems to be alone at his end of the bar.

8 years 9 weeks ago in  Teaching & Learning - China

 
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Posts: 2391

Emperor

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Just one small point re number two, you specifically refer to Americans but not all English teachers are Americans.

 

I'm sure, for example, there would be plenty of bitter old Aussie or English men, whingeing with self-pity about how us (insert local country here) girls are all so mean and nasty and it was totally not his fault he never got any attention at home and blah blah blah...

 

Otherwise, I can recognise most of those types in people I've worked with.

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8 years 9 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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  Yep, pretty much on the money, I can recognize a lot of those personalities. In fact i've probably 'been' a lot of those personalities. I ain't been the fat bird though, i'd remember.

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8 years 9 weeks ago
 
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I can recognize bits of myself in almost all of those points.  But I don't teach English.  Does this mean that if I teach English I must pick just one?  Or can I mix and match and make my own category?

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8 years 9 weeks ago
 
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I'd like to know what magazine/website this is going to be published in/on so I can avoid it.  

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8 years 9 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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If you came up with this then props to you sir. Not lacking in accuracy in my opinion. Good read. 

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8 years 9 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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i have a friend like No. 5 lolzzzzzzzzzzz

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8 years 9 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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yep right on i am an english teacher but i dont drink  i dont have a ferrari that am waiting for bt i do drive a new benz to work and actually iam a conservative and i dont think and anyone is looking at me and i wasnt a navy seal  so i believe you struck out here stay with your day job and dont think to much and i love america

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8 years 9 weeks ago
 
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Emperor

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Very interesting but you should have included typical personality traits of non-teachers too...although I would imagine they would be similar on some levels.

Not all of us here are English teachers.

 

How about the Charlie Sheen syndrome:

 

Company forces worker to go to China...worker is bitter...hates China when he arrives...tells everyone in China how much better the west is in every way...but after a few months realizes he can live like a rockstar...party every night and can't keep the young Chinese girls away.  Still hates China but becomes addicted to Chinese girls.  Eventually this leads to burn out...realizing that he needs to tone it down and pick one girl before he loses his mind like the real Charlie did. 

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8 years 9 weeks ago
 
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All in all, not a bad summary. I know a few of these personally, however, the problem with any list is that they are generalizations, and a few "types" always manage to be left out. That being said, I know you didn't present this as an exhausitve listing.

 

Of course, there are people like this everywhere, but the problem of being foreign in China is that we stick out so much, even to each other. The city I'm in, once you get away from the University zone, doesn't have that many foreign people. I live almost downtown, and besides the occidental tourist, I very rarely see any other foreign people.

 

In light of this, I'd like to present an addition to your list:

 

Number 8, The Adventurer

 

   "This teacher came to China because they look for challenges in life. Responsible, conscientious, and reasonably intelligent, they teach because of enjoyment  and dedication in the profession. Balanced, logical and perceptive, this person sets an example for his/her students, and their lessons are not only subject related, but also go into the necessary disciplines which will prepare their students for life, as well as their chosen major.

 

When not teaching, the Adventurer likes to travel around China, experiencing the natural beauty of the country and the various sub-cultures. He/she enjoys the majority of time spent, but still has bad days, just like any other person. These he/she tries to keep at a minimum, realizing that his/her time here is not permanent and eventually will be returning to the native country.

 

The Adventurer generally likes who they are at this point in their life, truly loves their students and cares what happens to them, is not anti-anything, has occasionally been blasted (baiju be damned), is a professional (in the real sense of the word), is pleasant to be around, is well centered psychologically, and realizes that telling others that they are great (instead of themselves) is the true mark of greatness."

 

Again, generalizing. To apply this list to a greater audience, you could say, "expat" instead of teacher, but I understand. Funny list, though and yes, true enough.   

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8 years 9 weeks ago
 
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