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Q: Anyone know any good Chinese ointment for piles?
Sure i've asked this question sometime before but i'm having another attack of the grapes of wrath and i'd rather not wait till they're big enough to (ouch) bite the bullet and push them back up; i'd much rather (yowzer) nip them in the bud early, for want of a better expression.
Help me Preparation H..........you're my only hope.
"And it burns, burns, burrrns............the ring of fire.............the ring of fire"
11 years 10 weeks ago in Health & Safety - China
Upon my arrival to China, I got severe constipation and this caused me piles. I went to some pharmacist and he asked me few questions, he said that because the pollution here you will absolutely suffer from constipation and to get rid of it you should buy this detoxin medicine and then he offered me "Mayinglong Musk Hemorrhoids Ointment" it's cheap and has 50% natural ingredients (as the pharmacist said) and I must use it with little amount for three days only because my pile was mild.
I can say It's not bad.
But If you really want to have long relief from piles use my method:
1.Eat vegetables and fruits (bananas and apples)
2.Don't buy detoxins , instead cook daily three cloves of garlic with your food. Garlic is a natural detoxin.
3.Eat sesame paste (it's sold in the supermarket) for mild easy pooping
4.Soak your a*** in warm tub every three hours (warm enough for your a** to stand it otherwise you will burn your b***s). Warm water is the best cure since that area is soooooooo sensitive , a lot of chemicals and scratch will damage it.
5.After pooping swap your ass with running warm water gently, don't use paper toilet except to dry it.
6.Use an ointment with little amount if your piles were external
7.Try to change your seat position every now and then.
the last tip is
8SQUAT SQUAT SQUAT
Western toilets are meant to cause you piles!
Now to get rid of pain immediately start with the warm bath.
get better
mArtiAn:
Thanks for the (ooh) advice, i'll (ahh) remember the garlic thing and look out for that sesame paste, and of course take care in washing my a*** so as not to burn my b****.
Silverstein:
I posted this long (ouch) advice to be as a reference for all expats who seek immediate relief and shy to talk about their piles lol
BHGAL:
I have found Guilin Chili Sauce to be good for pretty much everything, see no reason why it wouldn't help with your issue ..... or maybe a more common TCM.
Fargelin for Piles is particularly effective at clearing heat in the bowels and stopping pain and bleeding associated with hemorrhoids.
Generally, short-term cases require only a bottle or two. Chronic, long term cases may require 6 or more bottles to get the desired result.
A Western medicine diagnosis on its own is not enough to properly prescribe Chinese herbal medicine for hemorrhoids, or any other condition.
What are piles? Like 'piles and piles of manure.......' or ?
1. Stay away from any spicy food (chili, red and black pepper, garlic, Szechuan food prep. book);
2. Chamomile tea for bath, no sugar or milk!
3. When Scottish say: 'up yours!' ...that's definitely damage to your body parts
There's Celtic fan posting here!
4. Don't eat too much sugar (sweets) or drink any alcohol.
mArtiAn:
Wait a minute, didn't you give me almost exactly the same advice when I asked how to get myself to sleep? Chamomile tea, no alcohol.....
I think i'm going to stick with the piles.
icnif77:
No, Scott wasn't included!
Butt....., chamomile tea is good for bath, or drinking for ill stomach.
ambivalentmace:
some internet research says mexican dont get piles because of the jalepeno peppers in their diet actually burn and seal the problem and others say it makes them worse.
i cut down on meat and eat small well cut up portions when i do , also avoid raw peanuts that cut into polyps and intestines and irritate piles. undigested peanuts raw are like shoving a knife through your digestive system and cutting everything like a key scratches the paint job on a nice car, multiplied many times. miss my cashews , damn
the simpler advice in avoiding this particular condition, make sure to drink plenty of water (at your preferred temperature) being plenty hydrated is number one in preventing problems with number two
yeah, I hear u mr. alien dude.. I've suffered w/ them myself. always amazes me those fkn dckhed doctors all wanna run around curing cancer and heart disease,,,,,, but u ask them about hemorrhoids,, they give u a blank look... 'cart before the horse'....
I asked those thieves @ Mercury Drugs in Phil for an ointment. they came back w/ tube for 22usd (for our less traveled friends, that is a shit-load of money in Phil. >> multiply x10 to understand in USA). they had the empathy of a serpent.
get some PrepH from US, Canada,UK and hold on to it...
mArtiAn:
Last time I went to the doctors I got some pretty unorthodox advice but it worked: get a bag of frozen peas and hold them up against your ring for ten minutes, then simply push the buggers back up inside you. The piles that is, not the frozen peas. Unfortunately they have to be a little far grown before it's an effective remedy. Works though. Not entirely pleasant but it works. I remember going round my mum's place later that day and telling her his advice, then asking her if she had any frozen peas. She went into the fridge and then asked, "Does it have to be a particular brand, because we've only got Findus?" I didn't eat Sunday lunch round there that week.
DaqingDevil:
Yeah I'm in Manila now and I bought a packet of ten pills - antihistamines. Exactly the same as I buy in China and expected to pay about the same price. WTF! 475 PHP for 10 pills = 75RMB. I pay 15RMB in China for 6. Live and learn I guess.
This brings back a few bad jokes
What did Goma Piles say to STG Carter when he came up behind him ?
Surprise Surprise Surprise 
I really got to get some better material
Well a lot of good advice here mArtiAn to do with medicine and diet but see if this one sits with you a little better.
Best cure for piles? Sex! You have to be on top, keep your bum tight, muscles contracted. The up and down / in and out movement relaxes the lower back and an almighty clench of the annus horribilus (the Queen used that expression when describing a bad year for Poms but in fact it's an arse muscle) on the vinegar stroke will see those damn hemarrhoids sucked back into place like popping bubble wrap! If it doesn't work the first time....try again....and again...and....well you get the idea. One thing is guaranteed, the burning bum pain will be forgotten in a rush of climactic joy - momentarily!
This medical diagnosis and advice has been given free.
icnif77:
How do you mean for free? Is it like, if it is free, and it is not worth much, or something else?
mArtiAn:
Your advice reminds me of a true story I heard. A fella I knew had a yacht and one night him and his crew decided to make a bet to see who could get laid first. They put their money on the table and headed into town. Now these were not young guys, they were all in and around their fifties and sixties, but sure enough, my friend Philip managed to pull a right ropey old trollop and took her back to the boat, to the dismay of his buddies who'd just lost the bet. The story goes though that Phil and this old troll weren't in his cabin for more than ten minutes before all outside heard an almighty scream and she came running out and off the boat. His mates asked him what the hell had happened and he told them, "I bit one of her piles."
So sex and piles? Not a good mix.
Means I am not charging for the consult. Also could mean it's worthless I guess!
TU
Me too Several times per month! Bleeding like menses!! I am male!!!!!!!! 
I suggest Sichuan food since it is oily and should clean you out in less than 6 hours.
An alternative might be getting back-doored by a Chinese guy! 
There is an excellent TCM remedy for piles using oinkments made in Urumchi from black-hooved, pink-spotted pigs that free-range in exclusive state-owned peach orchards. You've heard, no doubt, that the Chinese eat everything on a pig except the oink, right? Well, that's because the oink goes into this amazing oinkment for piles. The oinkment eliminates internal heat thereby reducing the size and ardor of the pile. (Candied haws on-a-stick will also do the job, but I can attest from personal experience that they are not as pleasant as a soothing oinkment application to the affected area.) Good luck!
Preparation H. If you are from the US or UK get someone to send you some . If that does not work, give me your address and I will get some for you. Franck3
