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Posts: 2549

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Q: Are all Chinese girlfriends so pushy about moving in with you?

After only a couple of months??

 

Is it love?  Control?  Or do they just want to save money?

 

Personally I am sensing a mix of all three.

9 years 47 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Posts: 39

Governor

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I guess there are always individual reasons as to why. My advice is to move at your own speed. Don't be pressured. You would do this in any relationship regardless of place. 

 

Oh and stay in control of your finances...

 

Happy Days!

 

 

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9 years 47 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1318

Shifu

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Well many are looking towards that final goal of ring and kids.... so pushing to move in would be one step closer to the end.

 

Plus I've had some that wanted to move in just because of the rumors of foreigners only want sex and can't be trusted.  She wanted to mark her terrority and keep others away at all times.  (Then again she was drunk at a bar with her friends and freaked out because I was with a group of male laowai, and bit me... so maybe it wasn't the best example of a sane person's motives about moving in)

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9 years 47 weeks ago
 
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I would agree with your three reasons, and add a fourth one, to improve her quality of life.

But I strongly suggest a very strong conversation before hands, so everyone knows what the other one is expecting out of this arrangement, from money to who does what at home, and when.  Make sure you clearly tell her what you do expect, your money contribution to this deal if any, what aqre your "No-NO's", and if she accepts it, and you accept hers, then do go ahead.

Please avoid getting her pregnant at all costs, make sure you are always protected properly, do not take "it is safe" and do it at all.  Getting pregnant is a favorite way of getting a marriage license here.

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9 years 47 weeks ago
 
Posts: 280

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I think it's mostly about money. I'm sure it'd be a great way for her to save, and on top of that be with her boyfriend and keep him away from other girls. Why not? Women in general are very calculative and Chinese women seem to be exceptionally good at this. 

 

If any of you speak French there's a really popular song from Cote d'Ivoire called "Calculeuse" that's all about women being calculators and getting what they want. Check it out Wink

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9 years 47 weeks ago

Before you judge someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you're a mile away and you have their shoes!

 
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For a Chinese woman, if she decides to move in with you, it's because she feels that she wants to have a long term relationship with you and she is already thinking about marriage....Yes, even after a couple of months.

She may also want to prove either to her relatives or friends that she has a boyfriend and that things are serious...

I don't think it's either love, control or saving money....

If her parents know that she is living with you, then they will definitely scream or get angry with her, except if she said that both of you are planning to get married.....Watch out dude!

You need to know from her what she has in mind....

 

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9 years 47 weeks ago
 
Posts: 36

Governor

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What does it mean if the man keeps asking the girl move in his house?
Your girl wants to marry you.
Chinese parents will get angry if they know you are living together while without the marriage plan.

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9 years 47 weeks ago
 
Posts: 3339

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Mine was pushy about not moving in. 

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9 years 47 weeks ago
 
Posts: 38

Governor

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    Many guys above is very  clever in NO,NO, let's her move in......

 

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8 years 47 weeks ago
 
Posts: 212

Governor

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Just like 'nevermind' my girlfriend was pushy about NOT moving in. The reason being is like someone else said, for more traditional Chinese people it's pretty uncommon and looked down upon to move in with your boyfriend if you aren't already planning on marriage.

 

My girlfriends parents/family would kill me if they knew we lived together. It's a very weird cultural difference that both me and my girlfriend have had to get use to.  I think it makes sense to move in though and live together for awhile, that's the only way to really get to know someone and make sure they are the right one.

 

 

Like others said....if your Chinese gf is the one wanting to move in after only a few months then they are probably either seriously thinking about marriage/long term already or it's for money reasons.... it's not the norm for a Chinese girl to move in/want to move in without marriage being on the mind.

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8 years 47 weeks ago
 
Posts: 187

Governor

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I guess it all depends on the parents? My last girlfriend's entire family did their best to prevent us from being alone together in a room at any time, even in the day time. In fact, her mother would yell in English "NOT CLOSE DOOR." So we just waited until they all napped. Forget actually being allowed to move in together...

 

As for my wife... before we were married, her mother actually asked her to sleep with me in her room at night while they (her parents) were in the next room. Little did she know -- or did she?! -- that we were secretly fornicating. She had no problem with us living together, but we did wait about 7 months before we got our own pad.

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8 years 47 weeks ago
 
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