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Q: Are Chinese girls still attracted to laowai like they used to?

I studied in Beijing for two years, moved back to the US for two years and now I'm back, working in Beijing. I was 22 when I was studying, and if felt pretty easy to get with local girls. I wasn't a tremendous catch, either. Skinny, average looking white dude from the US, a little insecure. I'd say I'm more attractive now at 26, but I'm not getting the same attention I was four years ago. Anybody out there notice that local girls are reversing, and wanting to dating local guys now? 

4 years 10 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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I think talkword is a troll, but might as well answer.

 

Any just normal western person (so neither a creepy (possibly old) sexpat nor a handsome young go-getter) who ever thought they could "fuck any chinese girl" was always wrong. At least past 1980 I guess.

 

Usually the people you hear saying that are teachers at smaller provincial universities. Not putting those guys doing that down, but thats where youre gonna feel like you can do that (average white guy in a 1st tier city you can see the girls that are clearly out of your league so you dont get fooled). Of course theres gonna be some white fetish girls and in a poor, small city you're also going to be the best option for a lot of people. Really might feel like every girl is into you, but more likely its just that girls that are into you will be aggressive about letting you know. Doesn't mean that a lot of girls there wouldn't give you the time of day even with perfect chinese. Could be 2% of girls given the opportunity would approach you out of 30% who would be open to dating/hooking up at all. 

 

I always figured that if you give the 'stats' of that modest westerner to a local guy, he'll probably be more competitive than the western guy. Show me any 180 cm 75kg chinese guy who holds a western passport, went to school abroad, earning 10K+/mth in their 20s etc and that guy will have a beautiful girlfriend if he wants one every time.

 

Remember too that white fetish aside, as things develop here your average-to-lame(ish) westerner gets less competitive. That 10k/mth salary might sound good to somebody with no better options, but as time goes on and local incomes go up it's not a no brainer to think a white person has such a better future.

 

I dunno, theres always going to be a ton of women that are going to be attracted to average-to-lame westerners but standards are going up across the board. You look in a big city like shanghai or guangzhou when you see a really top-tier local girl with a westerner that guy is usually a good looking age-appropriate guy with solid career prospects so its not some smoking hot (for china at least) chick paired up with a doughy basement dweller 10 yrs older working 14 hrs a week. The girls that have lots of dating options aren't going to just walk up to an average looking white guy and tell him he's so handsome.

 

So if this is a real question and not troll bait, remember too that if you were a student before you might have had an aura of potential that you havent lived up to as a worker. Like if you were at Tsinghua getting a finance degree you mightve seemed a good prospect at the time. Come back a few years later not working in finance you don't have that aura anymore. No longer a future investment banker but just whatever you actually did for better or worse 

 

Remember too though that say you DID come back working for Citi or something that it's possible YOU have outclassed the 'lame' local girls that just go up to white guys in t shirts/shorts. You're walking around clean cut business looking guy in a suit they might not feel confident to do that. But then on the other hand you'll have way more options, but you'll have to express the interest like back home.

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4 years 10 weeks ago
 
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Are you waving your iPhone around? Holding wads of cash in plain sight? Maybe talk in an obnoxious voice loudly on the streets. That's what I do and I'm beating them off with a stick.

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4 years 10 weeks ago
 
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The vast majority were never really attracted to you to begin with. Just $$$. 

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4 years 10 weeks ago
 
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It's just easier to meet single girls when you're a student, I don't think it has to do with China.

 

Also, it's not that they're not attracted to laowai, but I think the golden years of a Ni Hao and a smile are long gone. The girls understand the game a little better now, try a conversation and a date instead of a drink and a dance. Sort of like Inflation, except with cross-cultural love making.

Good luck, it's rough out here.

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4 years 10 weeks ago
 
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I think talkword is a troll, but might as well answer.

 

Any just normal western person (so neither a creepy (possibly old) sexpat nor a handsome young go-getter) who ever thought they could "fuck any chinese girl" was always wrong. At least past 1980 I guess.

 

Usually the people you hear saying that are teachers at smaller provincial universities. Not putting those guys doing that down, but thats where youre gonna feel like you can do that (average white guy in a 1st tier city you can see the girls that are clearly out of your league so you dont get fooled). Of course theres gonna be some white fetish girls and in a poor, small city you're also going to be the best option for a lot of people. Really might feel like every girl is into you, but more likely its just that girls that are into you will be aggressive about letting you know. Doesn't mean that a lot of girls there wouldn't give you the time of day even with perfect chinese. Could be 2% of girls given the opportunity would approach you out of 30% who would be open to dating/hooking up at all. 

 

I always figured that if you give the 'stats' of that modest westerner to a local guy, he'll probably be more competitive than the western guy. Show me any 180 cm 75kg chinese guy who holds a western passport, went to school abroad, earning 10K+/mth in their 20s etc and that guy will have a beautiful girlfriend if he wants one every time.

 

Remember too that white fetish aside, as things develop here your average-to-lame(ish) westerner gets less competitive. That 10k/mth salary might sound good to somebody with no better options, but as time goes on and local incomes go up it's not a no brainer to think a white person has such a better future.

 

I dunno, theres always going to be a ton of women that are going to be attracted to average-to-lame westerners but standards are going up across the board. You look in a big city like shanghai or guangzhou when you see a really top-tier local girl with a westerner that guy is usually a good looking age-appropriate guy with solid career prospects so its not some smoking hot (for china at least) chick paired up with a doughy basement dweller 10 yrs older working 14 hrs a week. The girls that have lots of dating options aren't going to just walk up to an average looking white guy and tell him he's so handsome.

 

So if this is a real question and not troll bait, remember too that if you were a student before you might have had an aura of potential that you havent lived up to as a worker. Like if you were at Tsinghua getting a finance degree you mightve seemed a good prospect at the time. Come back a few years later not working in finance you don't have that aura anymore. No longer a future investment banker but just whatever you actually did for better or worse 

 

Remember too though that say you DID come back working for Citi or something that it's possible YOU have outclassed the 'lame' local girls that just go up to white guys in t shirts/shorts. You're walking around clean cut business looking guy in a suit they might not feel confident to do that. But then on the other hand you'll have way more options, but you'll have to express the interest like back home.

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4 years 10 weeks ago
 
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I never bought the idea that Chinese girls are attracted to foreign guys per say. Sure, some people are attracted to certain features and for Chinese girls attracted to white or black guys there aren't many around so those guys might get to play the exotic card and have more girls approach them.

 

But I think that's just a part of it. The fact is that women anywhere in the world are attracted to real men, men who can provide for a family, who take care of their bodies and who can keep calm and deal with adversity maturely. The simple fact is that most Chinese males have none of these characteristics of real men. I have met too many who are completely useless and could never hold down a real job without their family connections, are pudgy without any muscle or decent grooming and whine like schoolgirls when they encounter difficulties.

 

I don't believe that Chinese women are getting more or less attracted to western males. Chinese women, like women all over the world, want a real man. On the whole I'd say western males are more likely to fit the bill than Chinese males although there are certainly many many exceptions to that rule.

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4 years 10 weeks ago
 
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NO.

 

We are only attracted to the men we are attracted to.

 

It has nothing to do with if he's a 'laowai' or 'laoli'.

 

Shame that you see it that way.

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4 years 10 weeks ago
 
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I think that the aura of foreign men is still there, but this time for different reasons: sexual curiosity and fulfilment.

 

So basically, laowai men no longer really represent the beacon of hope and pathway to prosperity that they once did. Nowadays, Chinese girls are more inclined to seeing foreign men as a plaything, something to try at least once.

 

In other words, for the most part....she's f***ing you, not the other way round! Haha

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4 years 10 weeks ago
 
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dongbeiren summed it up nicely. girls will always have a preferance for their own kin, because they will offer more safety and stability in a long-term relationship. it's just that the average Mainland male is a pathetic starving farmer. As the men in China slowly, very slowly, improve themselves, fewer Chinese women will be inclined to widen their search. I look forward to the day when Mainlanders will behave respectfully towards foreigners, but few women are willing to actually date us.

Until then, dating their girls is just a perk of living in a disfunctional society.

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4 years 10 weeks ago
 
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I dunno Coin, I think there is also a push by both sexes for the 'exotic'. Which makes some sense, were healthier when we're not too inbred. It's not game of thrones where inbreeding just makes you an attractive sociopath. Look at some of the Spanish Habsburgs.

 

i do agree though that the easiest thing is to go for somebody from the same background and theres usually some family pressure to go for what you understand over what you dont.

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4 years 10 weeks ago
 
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