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Q: Are Chinese grandparents exploited by their children?
My boyfriend's grandmother lives with her oldest son. She is an adorable seventy-five-year old lady, but her son and especially the wife and the grandson treat her like a slave. They refuse to do any chores and she is constantly jumping around the house and doing something. And they constantly complain if the food isn't that delicious or something is not washed on time. I feel very sorry for her and also my boyfriend but for now he cannot say a lot about it. How about you guys, married to a Chinese, with your spouse mother helping with housework, how do you treat her?
11 years 34 weeks ago in Family & Kids - China
I beat my wife's mother at every opportunity, it's the only thing she understands.
Yeh, ok, that's not true. Actually my wife's mother has health problems and she's not able to live with us. We get on fine though. I 'am' aware of some seriously shitty behaviour towards her from her nephews though. Spoilt, lazy, arrogant bastards who go to her place and expect her to treat them like kings. The funny thing is my wife's father has two brothers and they both have boys. Growing up his mother was a real bitch to my wife, never giving her fruit, telling her there was some mountain witch coming to get her and even feeding her rat once. And all because she is female and her grandma didn't think she'd be of any use financially when she got older. Old gran probably got it worse when she was a kid, and so continues the behaviour. Funny thing is my wife is proving to be more successful than all of her male cousins now, who are proving mostly to be thick as pig shit or lazy bums. I tell her to rub it in the old cow's face but she's more forgiving than me.
I don't think we exploit my wife's mother-in-law but we'd certainly be a lot busier without her. She gets to live with us permanently for free in a modern air conditioned room (she refuses to use the air con though), she does 95% of the cooking and 90% of the food shopping, (we pay her a sum each month for food). She helps with looking after our daughter, (to a huge amount) and this is her main reason for staying with us.
We certainly never mistreat her and she is not forced to do ANYTHING for her keep, she appears to genuinely want to do it, (and a lot more if I'd allow it). She gets to invite whatever family / friends she wants to dinner, of course she cooks. It seems a fair exchange, although I will happily admit I think we get the better of the deal.
Unlike people in west countries,the old generation in China like to take care of their grandchildren,it is a part of our culture and tradition.It is common to see that young couples concentrate on their work and children live with and are taken care of by their grandparents.Most of the grandparents are not forced,but are willing to help.Unfortunately,some of them are not treated well by their children when they are too old.It is really a bad phenomenon,but this is not the mainstream.
stan118:
dont worry about the question, its silly, because grandparents all around the world world spoil their grandchildren, always want to cook, buy the gift and teach them things the parents dont want to, same thing in my family, we dont want to have an argument with my grandmother so we just let her do what she wants, things may be different in china since everyone has one child so grandparents have to help since mum and dad are out working. dont base your opinion on east or west it varies from country to country and how close the family is,
https://www.independent.co.uk/asia/japan/japan-rice-babies-relatives-pandemic-b1899332.html
rice babies for the grandparents, trying times.
