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Q: Are most marriages in China still being arranged by families?

Most of the people that I know here jumped from being single to being married quasi overnight, to be frank in a month or so, a number of them barely knew their partner beforehand.

 

I feel like the vast majority of marriages in China are still being arranged by families, am I right?

 

If so, it might explain why married people don't touch each other after they have done their duty (making babies). And why the divorce rates are on par with the West despite China being more traditional.

8 years 48 weeks ago in  General  - China

 
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They still are in America.

 

We have first, and second-generation Chinese fighting over who gets to marry our daughter, and trying to set up a marriage. Out of the whole group of friends that my wife has here, along with their friends, we are the only one with a daughter. In 'murica.

 

Guess what? I'm not letting my daughter marry any of them... it's her choice when she's 30, has a Ph.D in man-hating, and a stable career.

ScotsAlan:

If my daughter wants to be a bus driver, I will be happy.

 

Tiger parent I am not.

 

The American dream was the worst ever export from Murica. It was only ever a dream.

8 years 48 weeks ago
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Hulk:

I disagree.

 

But all women should be financially stable so they don't have to depend on men.

8 years 48 weeks ago
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MissA:

What's this, Hulk? Women's financial independence from the arch-conservative? I'm kinda proud of you...kinda confused :)

8 years 48 weeks ago
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Hulk:

Of course I'm an arch-conservative! That doesn't mean I don't think women should be independent, lol.

 

I'm teaching my daughters independence, and I've been teaching my wife as well. She WANTS to depend on me, but I'm afraid that if something happens to me, she, and our kids, would be screwed.

 

 

8 years 48 weeks ago
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MissA:

You're absolutely right, too. Both my grandmothers found themselves in the 'something happened' category and ended up working shitty jobs as widows, with the finances gone on medical bills. I've always been determined I will always work/keep my skills up and any daughters of mine WILL have a viable skill set to support themselves. I also am a STAUNCH supporter of state medical support, but perhaps we still disagree on this one? :)

8 years 48 weeks ago
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Hulk:

Perhaps we won't disagree.

 

I wouldn't say I'm a staunch supporter of state medical care; ObolaCare is a fucking joke that costs us $1,200 per month with a $4500 deductible.

8 years 48 weeks ago
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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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Most of the weddings I have been to have had an element of arrangement to them.  At the very least, family approval seems to be needed from both families.

 

My MIL is a matchmaker always seems to have some sort of introduction project under way.

 

The story of my wifes cousin is a great example. He is a male, started looking for a wife at age 27 so enlisted my MIL to help. He would introduce her to a potential wife, they would go for a dinner and within a week he would be "engaged". But then her family would say his nose is too big, or his family would say her mouth is too big.

 

He got married in the end, bang on his target age of 29.  In the end he actually got wed to the second girl he was introduced to. His family rejected her, so he had to go out with another dozen arranged dates, but it seems he actually liked his second date and she like him. They got it together and the families had to accept them both.  True love and all that.  Lovely couple.

 

I also known girls who worked in coastal factories to be recalled inland to get wed, but the clever ones usually have a secret boyfriend stashed away somewhere and get their own way with who they marry.

 

I have never heard of anyone being forced to marry.  But I do know one clever couple who "had" to marry. The parents had no choice about that.... they needed a baby book wink

ScotsAlan:

But yes, I have seen people who are apparently single all of a sudden get married.  Dig deep and you will find they have actually been together for years, or known each other for years.

 

I have two good friends who got married last year. They have actually been together for almost 5 years, but nobody knew. Not even their closest friends.  Because as soon as the news got out you can be sure the news would get back to the hometowns.

8 years 48 weeks ago
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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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I think that increased divorce ratio is connected with growing female emancipation in China and not with the arranged marriages.
I assume that big portion of marriages is indeed being arranged. One of the reasons can be tremendous society pressure on, especially, girls in late twenties or early thirties.
On the other hand I do not see anything wrong on arranged marriages as long as both partners enter into the marriage based on their free will.
I do not find it so much different from in the West not so rare system of finding the partner via advertisement.

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Again, north and south might play a part here but I do see arranged marriages on the outs. Approval seems to certainly be needed. But in most situations parents will relent.

Matchmaking only seems to come in when a person isnt having much luck finding a partner on their own.

I know a couple that are getting married this month. It was arranged by themselves but it maybe counts.

Hes a very close friend who dated alot but couldnt find a good wife whatever that means. He is over 30 and wanted to get married and have a kid. He is financially sound so he met this girl who also wanted to get married right away so they made an agreement. Move from Shenzhen to Changsha and live with me. IF we dont kill each other after 6 months then we will get married.

Just like that my friend has this woman with him everywhere. None of my other friends see a physical attraction but they both seemed to be working hard to make it work. i dont remember if it has been 6 months or not but im going to their wedding next week.

ScotsAlan:

Ha ha Mike.

 

Reminds me of me and my wife.  We were together for a few years, then when push came to shove, I said come to UK for 6 months to see if we make love or make war.

 

We made love, so now we are both here.

 

But then the baby came..... and the MIL moved in.

 

Now it's a constant skirmish... not war... but more agro than love making wink

8 years 48 weeks ago
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Hulk:

Changsha?

 

I'd kill anyone who tried to force me to live there.

8 years 48 weeks ago
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mike695ca:

@scotts, yeah i think your situation was different. I kinda had the same. Once we started wr juat kinda decided to go all in and see what happened. I pronised i wouldnt waste her time. She moved in within a month or two, i propsed after a year and within a year after that we got hitched. Kid coming now but no MIL on the horizon haha Thank god for brothers. I think the difference was you knew your wife , had a relationship or connection. Then made a commitment to try and see it through. This was wierd for all of us because she was a complete stranger.one day single, the next engaged hahaha. Chinese work fast i know but this was extreme. somehow its working though. It better cuz shes preggo now too

8 years 48 weeks ago
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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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They still are in America.

 

We have first, and second-generation Chinese fighting over who gets to marry our daughter, and trying to set up a marriage. Out of the whole group of friends that my wife has here, along with their friends, we are the only one with a daughter. In 'murica.

 

Guess what? I'm not letting my daughter marry any of them... it's her choice when she's 30, has a Ph.D in man-hating, and a stable career.

ScotsAlan:

If my daughter wants to be a bus driver, I will be happy.

 

Tiger parent I am not.

 

The American dream was the worst ever export from Murica. It was only ever a dream.

8 years 48 weeks ago
Report Abuse

Hulk:

I disagree.

 

But all women should be financially stable so they don't have to depend on men.

8 years 48 weeks ago
Report Abuse

MissA:

What's this, Hulk? Women's financial independence from the arch-conservative? I'm kinda proud of you...kinda confused :)

8 years 48 weeks ago
Report Abuse

Hulk:

Of course I'm an arch-conservative! That doesn't mean I don't think women should be independent, lol.

 

I'm teaching my daughters independence, and I've been teaching my wife as well. She WANTS to depend on me, but I'm afraid that if something happens to me, she, and our kids, would be screwed.

 

 

8 years 48 weeks ago
Report Abuse

MissA:

You're absolutely right, too. Both my grandmothers found themselves in the 'something happened' category and ended up working shitty jobs as widows, with the finances gone on medical bills. I've always been determined I will always work/keep my skills up and any daughters of mine WILL have a viable skill set to support themselves. I also am a STAUNCH supporter of state medical support, but perhaps we still disagree on this one? :)

8 years 48 weeks ago
Report Abuse

Hulk:

Perhaps we won't disagree.

 

I wouldn't say I'm a staunch supporter of state medical care; ObolaCare is a fucking joke that costs us $1,200 per month with a $4500 deductible.

8 years 48 weeks ago
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8 years 48 weeks ago
 
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