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Q: Can I avoid girlfriend's mother at Chinese New Year?
I just can't. Help please...
How do you deal with MILs during Chunjie?
9 years 10 weeks ago in Family & Kids - China
I don't care avoid MIl or FIL, they are fine people, but we do not talk common language. they dont putonghua, i dont do their hometown dialect. so the problem is absolute boredom for the 3-4 days in the mountain village somewhere in Anhui. Place is nice, But I am not allowed to walk around to hills, into the woods, because "it is dangerous". we can't traveling around, because it is "wasting money" ...
So to wake up at 6am , sit in front of the house, on small wooden chair on concrete floor all the day watching sun moving from left to right ( if lucky for clean air ), wait for food and evening to sleep in freezing room under 3 layers of cotton , and without my wife, because we are not allowed to stay in same room in their house for some superstition reasons... So , I am avoiding this every second year at least. This year we don't go.
I was asked why I didn't want to eat fruit today, I told them the fruit is not very good in Beijing and if I were in Thailand or India, etc. I would eat it. It's far too old I said. She had nothing to say to that.
Garbo:
I found her tone offensive so I said what I did. And sorry by the time the fruit gets up here it's pretty old. It's just a distance thing. Plus they inject the watermelon with water and I don't mean bottled water so gross. I won't eat it.
Sorry, Spring Festival is family gathering time, so MIL are included. Not much you can do to avoid seeing her, just wear your poker face, smile a lot, and pay no attention to what she says. Otherwise, have lots of fun, and be ready for the firecrakers and fireworks display.
Just smile and drink baijiu with the old guys. That will make them respect you and make your time pass much faster.
Nod and smile, and laugh. That's all I do with the father in law, lol... but I can at least write Chinese and he understands it.
But still, that's STILL all I do. And I do the same with the MIL. Granted, I almost killed them... anyway, I digress. You can't avoid her... if her mother doesn't approve of you, chances are, she will leave you. In this regard, I was lucky; she defied her parents for me.
Then again...
I don't care avoid MIl or FIL, they are fine people, but we do not talk common language. they dont putonghua, i dont do their hometown dialect. so the problem is absolute boredom for the 3-4 days in the mountain village somewhere in Anhui. Place is nice, But I am not allowed to walk around to hills, into the woods, because "it is dangerous". we can't traveling around, because it is "wasting money" ...
So to wake up at 6am , sit in front of the house, on small wooden chair on concrete floor all the day watching sun moving from left to right ( if lucky for clean air ), wait for food and evening to sleep in freezing room under 3 layers of cotton , and without my wife, because we are not allowed to stay in same room in their house for some superstition reasons... So , I am avoiding this every second year at least. This year we don't go.
HAHAHA sucks to be you guys, Im the luckiest sonofabitch around I guess. Family time for spring festival is spent between Guangzhou and Zhongshan. They live near a Sheraton, and her parents are awsome. They love us, and dont pepper us with questions. Dont want anything from us. They just genuinely are happy if we are happy.
They hate to cook, seriously, I have never tasted the MIls food, so its restaurants every day
Days are spent eating junk food and family activities, and the nights are spent drinking beers and having bottle rocket wars with my little brother.
Even then it gets boring so every year we all agree that 3 days is enough, The rest of my two weeks is spent on travel or dates with the wifey or with friends.
I wouldnt trade my MIL or FIL for anything. Im blessed
royceH:
You think you're the luckiest, but you're wrong. I'm the luckiest.
We won't have anything to do with any family other than our own.
That'll be wife, daughter and me. And that's just how we like it.
mike695ca:
Royce you have a daughter??? How did I miss that?? I knew you have a grown up girl back home. But she has a baby sister??? Or did she come from OZ to visit?? Ahhh im so confused!
royceH:
G'day Mike, how's it hanging? Mate, I've gotta tell you...this seems to be the longest day ever. I've even been reading some of the crap on the 'articles' section. I'm going out to drink beer in a cheap restaurant later but don't know if I can stand being home much longer. I could go for a bike ride but it's pretty chilly...I might.
The daughter thing clarified, for your satisfaction...; I have 4 grown up daughters, all of whom are in Australia at the mo.
Here, I have a 16yo step-daughter. She's a beauty (although her and her Mum aren't talking at present, hahaha...) and I feel good about referring to her as my daughter. She'll be going to uni in Aust next year and her Mum and I haven't yet decided if we're going with her or a year or two later.
Wife and I are going to Kashgar during SF but the girl isn't.
Hope this clears things up.
What are you doing?
mike695ca:
Jeez you have 5 daughters??? Too bad you arent Chinese, you would have made a killing selling them off. No wonder your always so patient with everyone. My wife is pregnant with our first so its going to be a looong holiday of doing nothing. 3 days with family and the rest of the time coffee and baileys and catching up with my shows. Hope you have a great time in Kashgar!
royceH:
Yeah we hope to. Be interesting to see how much of the old Uyghir world is still there.
The hotel we're staying in has a place that sells western style food right next door and seeing as there's no such thing where we live I'll be keen to get myself some bacon and eggs and the like.
Don't forget to tell your wife about the dangers of doing child berth and child rearing the Chinese way. Please spare her and the baby all the local hocus pocus. It's not just extremely stupid, it's also downright dangerous.
Tell your g/f that you just can't handle it. Tell her you only have one life and don't care to waste x number of days of it doing something you don't want to do.
If appropriate, tell her you love and respect her very much and wish her all the best.
Then, while she's away, take it easy.
Good luck.
mother in law stuff is not Chinese..... maybe here they are little extreme nutcases, but it really is a world wide phenom..... MIL's are a pain in the ass, most of the time.
royceH:
I was lucky with my 1st MIL, too. She lived in a place far, far away and I didn't have to suffer her more than once every six or eight years or so.
DrMonkey:
Maybe those painted monsters in caverns where depiction of MILs. Powerful feelings lead to powerful art.
If you cannot even spend a few days with your girlfriends mother during the most important time of the year for Chinese people then you are obliviously not serious about her, but because she wants you to spend time with her family she is serious about you.
You have two choices, if you are serious then suck it up and spend time with her family, if you are not serious about her then do the right thing and break up with her then you stop wasting her time and you don't have to worry about coming up with excuses to spend time with her family.
As a devout Christian you cannot participate in the celebration of Chinese superstition !
MissA:
I have actually used this: "sorry, I'm Catholic. Would love to join your, no doubt, super exciting cultural stuff but I just can't..."
I am amazed nobody has pointed out what meeting the GF's mother means.
Dude, under Chinese culture, if you meet her parents that means you are engaged. No matter how much she tells you she is non traditional, once you meet them that is it.
I was with my Chinese GF for 4 years before I met her mum. I knew what it meant if I was invited to meet her. A year later we were married.
Plan a surprise holiday to another country. Or "sadly, I have been sent to an exhibition in the US and they wouldn't take no for an answer". Holiday for you, parents for her. It's the way you both like it. Why SHOULDN'T you both be happy at this time?
Two years ago was the first and last time I will spend with my wife's parents at Chinese new year in their hometown. Boring as fuck. I am not interested in lazing around for two weeks, indoors, saying one word per day and generally just feeling like a total knob. It's social torture.
Hmmmm, my perspective here is totally different. My MiL is awesome, a lovely, friendly, wise, perceptive and supportive woman. MrA's paternal grandma is kind of a pain in the butt and MiL-A just obviously learned exactly what not to do from her. Unfortunately they live 10,000 miles away, and I most sincerely wish my in laws were closer
I even feel hard to deal with my own mother.
ScotsAlan:
ha ha. This is why your comments are such a good insight into Chinese culture :-)
My MIL is flying to Thailand with my wife right now... I'm in Indonesia for 3 weeks...So my CNY will be in Malang or Surabaya. ;-)
My friend often talks about his mother in law, all he does is drink baiju with his father in law, gets whinged at by his mother in law and hope that the 2 weeks finish as quick as possible.
