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Posts: 47

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Q: Can I find a traditional and conservative chinese girl as an American?

I do not want to find a girlfriend in a bar. I want to find a girl who holds onto traditional values of family, work, health, and spirituality. Can I find one as an american and if so how? I need some encouragement with stories of true love found here in china between foreigners and traditional chinese women.

12 years 3 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Posts: 1932

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There are a lot of traditional Chinese girls, way more than you'd find in the states, but the problem is that one of their traditions is "foreigners are barbarians" and "don't marry foreigners" and "foreigners are walking divorce machines".

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12 years 3 weeks ago
 
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The "problem" mentioned by Kchur in the post before mine was not really a problem for me.  It did take time and work to find my "perfect and ideal" match, but with patience and going to many places I finally met the Lady of my dreams.

And yes, she did have some prejudices in her mind, and it did take more patience and kindness from me to easy her concerns.  Mainly it was the idea that foreigners (at least soime of those living here) do have GF's for a while, until they meet a prettier or a younger one,m and then dump the other one.  But after almost one year close to each other, she has began to realize that my feelings are true, and that she is in forever.

So, my friend, do not rush into anything, do not be pushy.  Be patient, and wait for the right one to show up.  And once it does, treat her correctly and you will eventually find happiness.

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12 years 3 weeks ago
 
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Like most things, patience is the key. A similar question was answered here, one of the posters said "dont fall in love with the first girl who orders water delivered to your home" or something like that.
Even among girls who do not have prejudices, there ARE some valid concerns in their minds. They often see the behavior of western men running around with different girls every week, and even if they are serious, there may come a day when they will want to return home to the West.
Take your time and get to know different kinds of girls. You will see that some are very traditional, some a little less so and some are not traditional at all. You may or may not find your tastes change over time.
Best of Luck or as they say in Chronus, "Kapla!"

texascowboy:

Thank you for your answer and I have got to know many girls here in China (around 40 personally) and i say most of them are traditional and very sweet and caring. I know I must be patient but i do not want to have to wait forever either. he he.

12 years 3 weeks ago
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12 years 3 weeks ago
 
Posts: 31

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No, you can't.

Jillian:

why do you think so ? there are many nice and good chinese girls holding traditional anc conservative values .

12 years 3 weeks ago
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12 years 3 weeks ago
 
Posts: 650

Shifu

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What do u mean by  saying "traditional and conservative"?

crimochina:

i thought you and njord ran away together ;)

12 years 3 weeks ago
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wenna7:

Ha, he for sure runs away for some reason. I am still here...

12 years 3 weeks ago
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kchur:

lol, it's good to have you back, wenna

12 years 3 weeks ago
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texascowboy:

I mean someone who holds the traditional chinese teachings and values of family, faith, and work. I in no way mean someone who will be a submissive maid. I like girls who are independent but who are true to thier spouses and love them by showing acts of kindness because of love. Conservative I mean someone who is loyal to their husband and dresses and acts in a way that honors the husband.

12 years 3 weeks ago
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Jíliú.hé:

this is a good thread

12 years 2 weeks ago
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wenna7:

Thank you kchur... Well, texascowboy, it's not hard to find such girl, but u should make sure u desever her. But one thing about the dresses, do u mean she should wear like muslim women? I think that's the only way u can say a woman's wear can honer her husband... Different people have different defination about everything... Wish u can find the one meets ur standard... Good luck...

12 years 2 weeks ago
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12 years 3 weeks ago
 
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It's not that different from back home. Surely you can recognize someone with certain values when you get to know them? A girl that wears the latest fashion and wants expensive things isn't going to fit in this category. Finding one "as an American"...what does that mean?

GuilinRaf:

I believe he means himself. If his being an American will in some way affect his search for a Tradicional Girl.

12 years 3 weeks ago
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Jnusb416:

Well yeah, I know it means that. But how is it different from being British or Australian or any other English speaker?

12 years 3 weeks ago
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texascowboy:

I do not mean. being "american" as being better or less then any other nationality. I am just talking about myself being american. Any other foreigner may also want to know the answer to my question too.

12 years 3 weeks ago
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GuilinRaf:

Well, not all English speakers are seen the same. I was once set up on a blind date a few years ago and things were going well that night, unitl she asked me what part of Canada i was from. When I told her I was American, her demeanor changed markedly and after ten or 15 minutes she remembered "something she had to do". Some people really do not like people from the States and that could indeed be a problem for some.

12 years 3 weeks ago
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Jíliú.hé:

is he republican.

12 years 2 weeks ago
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12 years 3 weeks ago
 
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The type of girl you are looking for in China may be interested in you but will listen to her family more, and because of this you don't stand a chance because traditional Chinese families think we are all foreign devils inferior to the Chinese.
Your best bet is to find a divorcee traditional women over 30 who's family will be far more open to a non-traditional relationship.
But if you are looking for submisive girl who will cater to you and do what ever you wish, then you have seen to many movies.  A traditional Chinese women will not put up with any shit and will run the house and you with an iron fist.

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12 years 3 weeks ago
 
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girl who holds onto traditional values of family, work, health, and spirituality.

They usually don´t date foreigner (only a small % ), maybe in USA, don´t know.

emilychen:

i do agree!

12 years 3 weeks ago
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12 years 3 weeks ago
 
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i read stories and discussions on some english forum in china , mostly as a silent observer ,  sometimes a thinker .   i  just wonder if i can know some foreign  man who is   traditional and conversational  ..                 i think all the foreigners in china  like hanging  out in the  bar and enjoying meeting   girls there . ... to  find a tranditional  girl in the bar  , that's hard ....
 

texascowboy:

I do not go bars to find women who hold the values i have. I agree that most foreigners do this but I am different from most foreigners.....i would rather find my traditional spouse at a tea ceremony.

12 years 2 weeks ago
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Jíliú.hé:

are names look similar to stupid people so here is mine.

12 years 2 weeks ago
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Jíliú.hé:

wait they have tea tea ceremonies in china, just checked looks interesting thanks for bringing it up.

12 years 2 weeks ago
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dom87:

hello, traditional foreigner here.

found a traditional girl too smiley

 

seriously dont put all foreigners in one hat.

I m 1 year in china now and went 1 time to a bar that was quite boring tho. also only have 1 gf since i entered china

10 years 22 weeks ago
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12 years 3 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1693

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I've been aware of your question for a while, and have been thinking about it. Here's my take on it, both from practical experience and observation.

Yes, it is possible, but you will find the terms "traditional" and "conservative" quite different from your own understanding. This will have to do with the gulf between your and her cultures, and how that manifests in various situations.

Because of your foreign origin, what you will probably have to settle on is a girl who is more hybrid. As some have pointed out, the truely traditional girls will be more concerned with family approval, which will weigh heavily against them bringing an "outsider" into the fold. A non-traditional girl will be more receptive to your advances, however, might just consider you an "oppurtunity." That being said, there are plenty of girls in China who hold a semblence of traditional upbringing, but have adopted quite a few characteristics in regards to trying to be independent, knowlegable, and "modern."

I would think that by your defining terms, you are holding true to the western concepts of marital fidelity, moral foundation, and fiscal responsibility, and are looking for a mate who shares these ideals. While the idea of staying true to your spouse is certainly practiced in China, you will find the moral upbringing much different between the two cultures, often manifesting itself in little ways that may surprise you. Traditionally, one does what one can to get ahead in China, and there are a lot of gray areas involved in this. The same goes with the idea of money. Gambling is a huge part of the culture here, with money a part of every game, from cards to mah jong, so your "traditional" girl may see nothing wrong with playing any of these games for six to ten hours at a stretch, gambling as she does.

If she is traditional and conservative, as you put it, expect to hand over your pay to have her manage. She will run the household, which you will be expected to upkeep. She'll do the cooking and the cleaning, but you will be expected to make the home beautiful, creating a harmonious environment in which she can live. She will not be sexually knowledgable, as this subject will have, in very rare circumstance, never been brought up during her life, but, she will be willing to learn. You will be expected to defer to her family, for if you marry her, you will be, by extension, marrying them. This will be a much closer tie that in the West, and she will be seeing them certainly on a regular basis. Many times, she may take their view of things over yours. 

She will need to be fashionable, as appearance plays a big part of the "face" game. Her friends will remain an intregal part of her life, so expect quite a bit of socializing. Her table manners may be deplorable (to your standards), but that is just the way she's been raised.

She will defend you fiercely before family and friends, even when you are wrong, but then give you a piece of her mind when you are at home. She will be smart (almost cunning), joyful to the point of child-like, and will be the shrewdest barginer you have ever seen. She will want your company where ever she goes, holding your hand and linking her arm in yours, but will never kiss you in public (or in front of someone else). If you don't make a big deal over her when you see her, she will pout. If you don't make her the center of your world, she will pout more. She will love you to the ends of the earth, and if you don't do the same, she will hunt you down and make your life miserable.

But...she will also want her independence and say in things. This is the struggle that many women are experiencing as Chinese society changes, and as women become more modern.

This is, of course, just scratching the surface. In actuality, I think a book could be written on the subject. All that to say, be yourself, take your time, explore the possiblities, and you will find yourself a woman unlike any other. Best of fortune in your search.

thedude:

A very great answer.

12 years 2 weeks ago
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12 years 2 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1008

Shifu

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Couldn't agree more, traditional means pay the parents after approval, provide a house for a two generation family, bow before her when you do wrong or right, quickly provide financial gain even if she's a village girl. Play Chinese girl games with her until the break of dawn and as a foreigner, listen to her say how weak she is health wise and why she can hardly breathe, cater to meeeeeeee.

I would look for a more non traditional Chinese girl who is a little more out going and understanding of other cultures and beliefs

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12 years 2 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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You don't want the traditional, trust me. Things come up will drive you nuts. So go to a club and get a girl there. I'm sure there are nice girls there too. It doesn't mean they won't be faithful if they go to a bar, it just shows they are young and enjoy living their lives Smile

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11 years 51 weeks ago
 
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I would advise  you to stay away from extremely Traditional girls. Until recently, I was dating a girl for nearly a year, and even though she has her own job, etc. her parents made her break up with me when they found out that I am neither Chinese nor Muslim.

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11 years 51 weeks ago
 
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you can easily find a certain chinese girl or her friends you just have to promise to beat her if she does not wear enough make up , puts the soy sause to the right., or wears to much make up or if she burns your toast. but dont beat her in public becuase you must be a foreign man that is concerned about face and always buy her presents and cry the day afetr beating her.

GuilinRaf:

And, if she threatens to call the police, give her an I-pad!

11 years 51 weeks ago
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MissA:

Oh, no, she's mean to wear a lot of make up... you beat her if she doesn't look pretty enough.

11 years 51 weeks ago
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11 years 51 weeks ago
 
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