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Q: Can you tell me about your Chinese wedding, please?
A few questions for those who have got married in China.
I did it once before but it was a simple affair - a case of just going to the marriage office.
Current girlfriend wants to reluctantly respect her family's requests and demands regarding a chinese wedding. Girlfriend keeps telling me I don't understand and that different provinces are different, yet she finds it so difficult to tell me all the requirements etc.
Considering she also wants to get married outside China, I suggested a small affair for her close family and friends.
Anyway, some help would be appreciated. Hulk would be particularly useful as I know he was in Hunan before, and others are also welcome to tell me about theirs. In need of some help before I lose the will to live and change my mind.
1) Where did you get married?
2) How much did you spend, approximately?
3) What scale did you have your wedding; how big a wedding and who did you invite etc (many invitees)?
4) Any special cultural/traditional requests at your chinese wedding?
I have been to a few weddings involving only Chinese. Seems to me like they are big TV events rather than weddings as we know them in the UK etc.
Thanks
We married in Australia in the back yard of the Celebrent's house , Just My folks and our Sons from first marriage and 2 friends as witnesses cost us $250 AUD and took 15 mins and then on next trip back to China did the Photo thing and plenty of resturants with Family and Friends
CARLGODWIN1983:
Did you have any requests from her side such as whether you had to pay them money, whether you had to pay for everyone's flights to come to your wedding, or to the restaurants etc?
I mean, I can understand paying for everyone's meals. That, I could just about go along with.
My girlfriend, though, is trying to tell me that it's culture in some provinces that we need to pay for everyone's flights to come to our wedding. I find this a bit much. Just a tad.
Sorry for bumping this, but, anymore out there, please?
Got married in Beijing at a western style resto. My wife is a very private person and didn't even want a wedding. So, it was mostly my friends. It cost 170 kuai a head for a full western buffet and open bar and venue rental.
We also had a lunch wedding in her village followed by me being carted all around her village to visit people's houses and drop off yogurt.
CARLGODWIN1983:
Nice and simple. I like it.
Thank you for telling.
I am asking because I am trying to work out whether I should bail to mine's demands or whether I should be firmer and say we do this, or nothing.
nevermind:
Is it her first marriage? If so why deny her the wedding she wants? As long as it's not insane. Remember it's a day many women dream about all their lives. Don't rob her of that.
We actually never had any party (yet, it is a returning topic) but the main issue has always been coordinate how to get people in at the same time. Generally planning ahead is the issue, I am pretty sure if I called my mum right now she can tell me what weeks she plans to take vacation next year, there will probably be some wiggleroom in that plan but still, tricky. The Chinese usually invite just some weeks in advance.
The topic of paying for flights. Why ? If you invite someone living in another part of town do you pay for their taxi. Having to pay for your own plane ticket is one of the expenses you have when you have friends.
When we have talked about this we have kept it at, "help any guests coming from outside of China find a hotel" and that is pretty much it. I would probably also arrange a bus to take the guests sightseeing a bit.
I know a guy from town who lives in another province and married a woman from another province. They had a wedding party in the city they live, they had one in her home town and in his home town it was just a small dinner for close relatives. 3 (or 2½) events to help the problem of having to move larger amounts of people around.
The traditions vary around the country, however I would not pay for everything if I was you, unless you have a Bill Gates style bank account.
CARLGODWIN1983:
I really like this, Scand.
I put this to her. She hasn't registered, and is being selfish still in her thinking.
Scandinavian:
Don't get me wrong, a party would be awesome to have. The logistics around it is just a big hurdle to get over.
I think most women around the world has the little girl princess dream of wearing a big dress and get married to their dream prince. A Chinese wedding is in my mind not the way of living that dream.
An Update to which I would appreciate a response.
I have told my gf about what you all did. She didn't like it.
This is why...
She says, when everyone gets married, such as her cousin in Shanghai, everyone's expenses were covered so that they could attend the wedding by the cousin. She says she will be a laughing stock, as will her family, if she doesn't continue this tradition.
Secondly, she says that, when her father died, all her family rallied around her family and supported them. So, in essence, this is also seen as repaying that help so to speak.
I have tried explaining that families do get together to help each other when someone is in a time of crisis, but it's done on the basis that, they would help each other if any or either of them were in trouble. It's not done on a give to receive basis.
Anyway, she has only told me all of this since Sunday, and it's causing problems now. I have told her; "Who will pay for my family to go to our wedding then - The British or Chinese one?"
She replies with "It's CHinese tradition which is different."
As others have said, I am not a bank.
Anyway, thoughts please.
She said, depending on your answers she would still marry me, meaning she might compromise.
So, please help. It's important.
Thank you.
*Whilst you're at it, could you please show her your manners as she thinks manners, such as "Please and Thank you" are only British things.
Paying for flights is just family bs if you pay you are looked at as a ATM. I had 95 guests at our wedding in Jingzhou 20 from out of town. If she loves you she will marry you. Do not pay more then you think you should, use common scene.
i know that my answer won't be that useful however, can you say that you want to include some traditions of your own? As a cross-cultural marriage, she has to understand it is not a one-way street in terms of blindly accepting things 'because it is Chinese tradition'. In most European, north American and Australia and New Zealand it is tradition (i believe) for the bride's family to pay.
Scandinavian:
Whenever we are talking about having a wedding party I use this card as it lowers the budget for a party by a digit. (actually my parents have offered to pay for a party, but back home, no plane tickets for anyone, even us)
CARLGODWIN1983:
Sorrel,
If we get married, I would do my thing back in the UK, which would still include inviting closest friends and family only, and they would pay for their own expenses to come.
