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Posts: 2855

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Q: Chinese friend this, Chinese friend that...

So often I read "you can get a Chinese friend to help..."

What about those of us who have no Chinese friends?  FOBs new to the country?  Stuck in the "expat bubble"?   Dropped in a city with minimal English speakers and a low level of Chinese?  Introverts?

 

Are these people just SOL?

9 years 17 hours ago in  General  - China

 
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Shifu

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If it helps, I have no desire to engage with Chinese culture anymore (mainly because I used to want to engage the culture. That will cure you of wanting to like China very fast, I am afraid). What I do now is 'borrow' Chinese friends/girlfriends from Westerners that I know as needed. Blatantly Machiavellian? Yes, it is an attitude I picked up from the Chinese.

Spiderboenz:

That only works if the person lives in a city that has a population of foreigners large enough for you to meet other foreigners.

 

 

9 years 17 hours ago
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RachelDiD:

Ah. I've never been in one of those places for more than a couple days. Why would someone go to such a place willingly? I also  am not above using private students...

9 years 15 hours ago
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Spiderboenz:

Why does anyone do anything?  I was bored.

9 years 14 hours ago
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Strawberry66:

Ha. Spider,I like doing SaJiao with a Micky Mouse voice.

But most white men don't like it. I will have to not do it in front of them.cool

 

But I could do it for entertaining myself.smiley

My mom likes me doing it,she throught that's so cute.

8 years 52 weeks ago
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Strawberry66:

But I have to say SaJiao isn't something childish. Just diffrent culture between China and other countries. I guess girls in south of China likes doing SaJiao more than girls from the North.


broken heart

O la la la..

Don't run away from Vicky.

8 years 52 weeks ago
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Spiderboenz:

where is South China?  

 

Didn't meet any in Nanjing...

Didn't meet any in Suzhou...

8 years 52 weeks ago
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nzteacher80:

Any other people you have no desire to "engage" with? Jews? Blacks? Arabs?

8 years 52 weeks ago
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RachelDiD:

I don't know, my good wumao friend. I will amend to say PRC culture. If I ever am in a place where the locals manage to pull off arrogance so well while behaving as abysmally as they do here, I probably won't engage them either.

 

So far, Kenyans, Peruvians, and Italians have been wonderful. 

8 years 51 weeks ago
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9 years 17 hours ago
 
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Posts: 5321

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I suppose you'd just need to hope you work somewhere that has people available to help. That, or learn to cope and adapt really fast.

Spiderboenz:

Possibly. 

 

As an introvert, this terrifies me.  Went to get my phone taken care of, and it was like trying to perform a root canal on a shark with a banana.

9 years 17 hours ago
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Stiggs:

Yeah I can relate...  I have people who can and do help me but I've always been very independent, I hate to trouble other people with things like that, especially when they have their own busy lives to deal with.

It means I often try to do it myself and it's just painful and frustrating.

9 years 17 hours ago
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Shining_brow:

Dude! You should try doing that shark root-canal with a strawberry!!!devil

9 years 12 hours ago
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9 years 17 hours ago
 
Posts: 458

Shifu

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If it helps, I have no desire to engage with Chinese culture anymore (mainly because I used to want to engage the culture. That will cure you of wanting to like China very fast, I am afraid). What I do now is 'borrow' Chinese friends/girlfriends from Westerners that I know as needed. Blatantly Machiavellian? Yes, it is an attitude I picked up from the Chinese.

Spiderboenz:

That only works if the person lives in a city that has a population of foreigners large enough for you to meet other foreigners.

 

 

9 years 17 hours ago
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RachelDiD:

Ah. I've never been in one of those places for more than a couple days. Why would someone go to such a place willingly? I also  am not above using private students...

9 years 15 hours ago
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Spiderboenz:

Why does anyone do anything?  I was bored.

9 years 14 hours ago
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Strawberry66:

Ha. Spider,I like doing SaJiao with a Micky Mouse voice.

But most white men don't like it. I will have to not do it in front of them.cool

 

But I could do it for entertaining myself.smiley

My mom likes me doing it,she throught that's so cute.

8 years 52 weeks ago
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Strawberry66:

But I have to say SaJiao isn't something childish. Just diffrent culture between China and other countries. I guess girls in south of China likes doing SaJiao more than girls from the North.


broken heart

O la la la..

Don't run away from Vicky.

8 years 52 weeks ago
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Spiderboenz:

where is South China?  

 

Didn't meet any in Nanjing...

Didn't meet any in Suzhou...

8 years 52 weeks ago
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nzteacher80:

Any other people you have no desire to "engage" with? Jews? Blacks? Arabs?

8 years 52 weeks ago
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RachelDiD:

I don't know, my good wumao friend. I will amend to say PRC culture. If I ever am in a place where the locals manage to pull off arrogance so well while behaving as abysmally as they do here, I probably won't engage them either.

 

So far, Kenyans, Peruvians, and Italians have been wonderful. 

8 years 51 weeks ago
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9 years 17 hours ago
 
Posts: 3837

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i remember when i arrived and knew no-one, and there were things i had to do such as open a bank account.

i thought '**** it' and asked a colleague that had decent english despite the fact i didn't know her at all.

I know it can be tough for a more introverted person, or if there are few english speakers

If that is the situation, your employer has some degree of responsibility to help you with certain things such as housing, banking etc - this would come under 'duty of care'.

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9 years 16 hours ago
 
Posts: 3837

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sorry, double post.
good question by the way

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9 years 16 hours ago
 
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Being at times moderately introverted, I am not sure if it matters to me if a stranger is Chinese or not. The problem is approaching a stranger. Naturally the language barrier will slow down any contact you might need to have, but overall I rate this as "the same" 

 

In Zhuhai we have a couple of Expat agencies, places that can be asked for help (at a cost) to help with things like bank accounts, appartment huntoing etc. At a cost of course.

 

Maybe you need a bottle of baijou, then go to the local KTV and find a "hostess" who speaks a bit of English... there is your friend. 

I completely understand. I don't think I would have lasted more than a few weeks in China had I not brought my wife from back home. 2 weeks of eating McDonalds and then back to the airport.... wait, could I even have gotten back to the airport?

Stiggs:

That expat agency thing is a good idea. If someone here is Chinese, knows how to get things done and speaks decent English that could be a great business idea, even if only just part time.

9 years 16 hours ago
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Scandinavian:

Do premium phone numbers exist in China. Having a phone consultant could work, so you call, explain your problem and then hit speakerphone. 

9 years 16 hours ago
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Scandinavian:

Maybe a job for Vicky

9 years 16 hours ago
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Strawberry66:

Yeah,This is Vicky's job.

Who's up to it?Connect Viki on the phone or click the voice button on Viki's wechat.You will get professional specific Viki service.

The service fee will be very reasonable.

Plese leave your commoment if you are satified by Viki's service. Have a nice day.

9 years 15 hours ago
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Spiderboenz:

Vicky's English isn't good enough for something like that.

9 years 14 hours ago
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Scandinavian:

Spiderbönz. that is not fair. Vicky is far ahead of many English teachers I've met in China. Can't comment on the spoken language, but the written is certainly understandable with only a few hickups. 

9 years 11 hours ago
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Strawberry66:

Ah...Someone has stood out for Vicky. Thank you!

9 years 10 hours ago
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Spiderboenz:

I have heard her speak...  It's like merging a Sajiao with Micky Mouse...

9 years 10 hours ago
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Strawberry66:

Because I just did this funny voice on purpose. It wasn't my real way of speaking English.

My English isn't perfect,but my speaking is way much better than most Chinese you could meet in China. It is the truth,which is widely admitted by most native English speakers I have ever met in China.

Besides,there are some small diffrences between the voices you speak in real life and voices the wechat records from you probally.

 

 

My English is the main reason I got a lot of job offers from western and Chinese companies while my degree isn't high among a lot of job competitors in Shanghai where the competition is high. Meanwhile,my English writting is much better than I usually typied on the forum while I didn't pay the attention.The mistakes I made while I didn't pay attention just couldn't be called my real level either. Even as the native speakers,they made typing mistakes while not paying enough attention on typing. Trust or not,Spider,the truth can't be denied.

8 years 52 weeks ago
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Strawberry66:

@Spider,I like doing SaJiao with the Micky Mouse voice. It isn't something Childish,just the culture diffrence between China and other countries.

 

I know most white men don't like SaJiao, I will try to not do it in front of the white men.

But I will do SaJiao for entertaining myself while I am not with the white men.laugh

8 years 52 weeks ago
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Spiderboenz:

Maybe you meet a lot of Developmentally Disabled native English speakers, I don't know.

8 years 52 weeks ago
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9 years 16 hours ago
 
Posts: 2531

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Yeah, simple stuff in China can be extremely frustrating... because many Chinese have two incredible superpowers:

 

1) Sleep. Anytime, anywhere in any position within like 5-10 seconds.

2) Take something incredibly simple (like letting people off the train or elevator before getting on) and turning into something amazingly complicated.

 

My wife takes a lot of this because I can't. It's just too damn stupid for me. It even gets to her but she is used to it because they are Chinese people... so she knows how to manipulate the situation better. I have a fairly easy times I tackle an obstacle but if I didn't speak Chinese it would be impossible.

Eorthisio:

No way, people here are super friendly, well at least when they need something from you, the rest of the time you are nothing but a nuisance to be stepped upon if you stand in their way, or ignored if you are on the side. Oh and the loudness, the shouting instead of talking, impossible to have a proper work environment at the office except during the all mighty nap time, then if you make any noise get ready to be backstabbed.

9 years 15 hours ago
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Shining_brow:

Eorthisio - you realise you're going to get back-stabbed anyway... ;p

9 years 12 hours ago
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9 years 16 hours ago
 
Posts: 7178

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It was a lot easier here before they blocked google translate and maps. That's for sure.

MissA:

If they'd blocked google maps when I was in China, I'd still be wandering, confused, somewhere around the Urumqi downtown area...

9 years 15 hours ago
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Shining_brow:

Possibly, but I find that there are a couple of Chinese translators and map apps fairly easy to use. Obviously, it takes a bit of guessing at first, but once you've figured out teh stuff you'll use all the time, it's quite easy.

9 years 12 hours ago
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ScotsAlan:

Yeah Shining brow. Nokia here maps work well here..... but unfortunately windows phones are becoming very hard to find in China. I smashed mine two weeks ago no

9 years 9 hours ago
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bill8899:

mdbg.net for translation. Maps? ahhhh wish I knew. VPN + google, ta know

9 years 4 hours ago
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9 years 16 hours ago
 
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I hate having to count on other people all the time to do simple things, so I did my best to achieve near fluency in Mandarin as soon as possible after I came to China.

It's such a horrible feeling to depend on other people.

That doesn't mean I talk more with locals, I do with my Chinese friends, but never talk with people in the public transports or outside. Why? Because I am tired to always answer the same f*cking questions, yes even in Chinese it's always if I like China and Chinese girls.

The more I understood what they said, the more I thought just how stupid most Chinese are.

Robk:

That's true... the more I learned Chinese the more I realized how hollow and void most of them are. Some are amazingly awesome and will tell you lots of interesting things but most... most... are not. 

 

Most of their conversations when foreigners are around goes like this:

 

A: "Oh look, its a foreigner..."

B: "I bet he is from Germany..."

A: "He is wearing a blue coat... all foreigners like blue coats."

B: "He looks really fat, he should exercise more...."

A: "You should learn more English to speak to him..."

B: "There are too many foreigners in China...

B (to foreigner): "Hello..."

Foreigner: "I can speak Chinese..."

B" "Oh your Chinese is so good. Hehehehehehe..."

*face palm* ... ugh so boring... especially after the first 1000 times.

 

 

9 years 10 hours ago
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RachelDiD:

Sheesh, I screwed up that comment.

8 years 52 weeks ago
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RachelDiD:

Haha, on the way from the gym to my apartment, I collected the following information: 

 

'Laowai eat candy.' 

'Laowai uses the bus!'

'the Laowai has wavy hair.'

 

So, I'm very happy that I sunk hours into Chinese textbooks. I can't imagine going through life without the arcane wisdom Chinese can tell me. 

8 years 52 weeks ago
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9 years 14 hours ago
 
Posts: 3269

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it's best to take advantage of the gift-giving culture. no matter if you're introvert, some chinese are quick to help with any problems, to establish that they're not a "trash person", and perhaps make you feel indebted. FOB expats will meet a few of these early on, and until they realize you don't play the same face-gain game, make good use of their help. but once you're established, the voluntary kindness wears off and you need people you can trust. a Chinese partner is best, because they're also strong deterrents for scam attempts. otherwise the expat community must suffice. if you're in a small city with no expats, no Chinese partner, alone and a poor socializer: better to just go home.

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8 years 52 weeks ago
 
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General

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Hi, spider, how about your life in China now? 

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8 years 51 weeks ago
 
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