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Q: Like a chinese girl
Ok I came to China less than a month ago. I came with no intentions of ever having a girlfriend here, nor was I looking for one. The trouble is, I started at a new Kindergarten last week, and one of the other teachers (English name Betty) is rather cute, intelligent and quite friendly. I have already started to distinguish the difference between a woman being friendly and wanting to go out with me.
Since I arrived here, I have been approached by several girls/women asking me to go out with them, and then not being able to understand why I say no as I am just not interested in being anything more than friends. But this one girl... She is beautiful, funny, loves the kids, smart and well she is quite fit actually.
Should I just be straightforward with her and say, "Hey you're cute, lets go out together"? Or just do what I would usually do back home and take time to get to know her better? I never had any problems dating back in England, but I know women here are very different.
I have to be careful I know, just this morning one of my colleagues (Another English teacher) told me that his girlfriend told him last night that she wants him to buy her a house and a car. They have only been with other three months!!!
So best advice on Chinese women, especially the Changsha women at that.
10 years 51 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Take your time and get to know "the lay of the land". Keep your mouth shut, your eyes and ears open. Chinese girls can be likened to kittens...cute and cuddly at the onset, but remember, they all have claws (and teeth). Yes, a car and house (it's a tradition!) are prerequisites to marriage today (although both were not available to the average person 20 years ago). Do not let your "little brother" make the logical decisions for you. Go to Shanghai on weekends ("at weekends" for you Brits). Hang out at the upperscale places and try your hand at being a duck before you marry a chicken. Maybe not the best advice, but I sure had fun writing it!
And...Changsha girls are well-reputed to have several bfs on the fly. Caution and prudence are the keywords.
And (II) English ability does not equal intelligence. Sex does not equal love (maybe 'like'). Marriage is overrated. Kids are cute (but the expense is tremendous and cannot be taken to the SPCA {a cruel jest but it does shed light on the immaturity of some Chinese girl's take on mixed babies}).
DaveP84:
I had fun reading it. No not the best advice lol, but I got the gist of it 
If I can put my two-penneth in?
I came here five years ago with the same non-intentions. I just fancied enjoying myself and the experience of living here. However, being out of your country, leaving your friends and family behind, it does affect you. You, quite quickly, want some more interaction with someone, some tenderness and affection. This is where it gets a bit murky.
I'm not saying that this is you but, your judgment may be impaired.
Mine was and I entered into a relationship with a girl who I didn't even really like.
Fortunately for the both of us, she was going to study in the states. We both dodged a bullet there.
Be careful mate.
mike168229:
But, then again, I came back after a year and a half at home. I met a girl, dated, now we are married.
Swings and roundabouts.
A Hunan girl? In Changsha? Let's all have a moment of silence for Dave.
...
I may know her. PM me the school name and I'll give you the scoop (seriously).
Okay, now... firstly, my best advice is to meet her parents. Get to know them for 3-4 months. If everything checks out, and you get along great, wife her. If they start making snide insinuations and requests for a dowry, head south. Or you can try and tough it out like I did (only if she agrees to be with you regardless of her parents). Painful, but the best decision of my life. If she says her parent's support is too important, find another girl because she's not worth it. Be careful. Hunan women have fiery tempers because they're almost all crazy, and I met a lot of deranged nutjobs in Changsha/Zhuzhou.
Secondly, beware of gossip. It's endemic to Hunan province (and all of China, actually), and I could write a 100 page novel about it, but I'll spare you the wall of text.
Lastly, take all the advice you read on this forum (even mine) with a grain of salt. Many people here suggest the worst possible advice when it comes to relationships, and they don't personally know the woman you're with.
Scandinavian:
Hold on, Hunan has produced at least one good woman, but like the food, the girls are spicy.
DaveP84:
I doubt you'll know her Hulk, the school has only been open for two months. Well four months, but officially opened two months ago.
Hulk:
Is that what they told you? haha. Send me the school name and district via PM.
And ScamdiverIan, I'm just taking the piss!
Scandinavian:
yeah, me too, the actual count of decent women in that province is upwards 23
crimochina:
hunan girls are great in bed. just keep them awat from sharp objects and you'd be fine. and pray you get one that doesn't bite.
OP, are you kidding? Yes, simply ask her out.
Jiminy.
Make friends, try not to get attached unless you really really want to. I wouldn't get really involved with someone that I work with.
Just have fun.
crimochina:
she's his only shot. he's got to lose his virginity somehow. he is scared of the other women
LAR:
Sage advice Ted. * Dave, it's cool to be friends. The young lady sounds like a nice gal. * Just take it slow! * If after time, you really like her then ask her out. * Just keep in mind the cultural differences and the fact that both of you work at the same place. It's your call.
TedDBayer:
He should visit a massage parlour to ease into Chinese culture and loose his cherry.
I've been knocked back by other readers here for making the kind of comments I'm about to make, but I'm going to make them anyway:
Grow up. If you're old enough to move to a foreign country on your own, you're old enough to figure out how to ask a woman out on your own. Don't come here expecting us to tell you some kind of magical sentence to say that makes things happen.
Find your balls and work the rest out yourself.
crimochina:
answer of the day. man the puck up and stop acting like a 12 y/o girl.
t91camp:
No knocking from me, this is spot on. The fallout should be amusing, at least.
DaveP84:
Its the difference between women in the west and chinese women I was asking about. Is it worth the? Grow up you say? Damn if I dive straight in there with this could run the risk of it spreading like a wildfire through the school and then all the teachers knowing.
crimochina:
who the puck cares about other teachers knowing? give it a go. ask her to keep it secret until you both are ready. don't you know how to talk to women??????????/
nevermind:
And you think there's some kind of code of silence with Western women at work? I got news for you, pal, if you asked a woman at a previous job in the US out...EVERYONE else knew about it.
It's not like we're dealing with aliens here, she's still a woman, isn't she? Like, a human.... really if your life experience and insticts can't help you deal with this then find a nice bridge to dive off cause the rest of your life is doomed.
what are you,,, a 40 y/o virgin? you don't know each woman is different with her own personality?
do you have any experience with women or do you enjoy the company of your own hand?
if a girl asks for a house/ car, tell them next year. and then kick them to the curb 9 months later (do not get them preg!! ask your mom to teach you about the birds and the bees) enjoy the ride, don't buy her anything.
learn to be a man before you start dating women.
on second thought your first idea was right, stay away from the women , your right hand is a better fit for you.
GhostMan:
Your answer is great, it made me laugh. You make a good point.
wait till 99 gets here and you will get the point of view of a Chinese woman either that or a 40yr old virgin 
one word: wait.
two words: more time
three words;tell us then
LAR:
On the money chen!! I'm down with your advice!! ^^ * Take it slow Dave.
Haters and bashers take note. I just wanted so me advice on Chinese women and if they were the same as or VERY different to women back home. Had I thought it were a simple task, then I would have jumped that wagon days ago and be on my merry way of either being scolded to the extent of petrification, or happily fondling and hugging a new partner.
Plus there is the point that I made about not coming here with the intention of finding a girlfriend.
So Crimochina and nevermind. Next time you feel like flaming someone... I would suggest you read the WHOLE thing properly, and if you don't understand... then read it again and again until either you do or just can't be arsed posting a comment.
crimochina:
women are women. you learn the slight differences by being a man and going for it. be assertive , someone else's experiences will not necessarily be yours. my experiences are different from most men on this site. your post comes off as someone afraid of women. women are people with human urges just like anyone else. there are good and bad women. the china factor is that women are 2nd class citizens, and they are not sexually liberated. so they must pursue sex under the guise of a relationship. so don't be surprised if a girl sticks with you even though her parents won't allow you to marry a foreigner. they need good sex just as men do. you seem like an older gentleman so you should already know this. you are the one who made this post: a man who doesn't know how to ask a woman out to coffee/ dinner/ tea. pathetic
crimochina:
oh and yes. i'm going to go to a country with 700,000,000 beautiful women in need of real men and i'm going to be a monk. that's just plain stupid.
DaveP84:
Everyone please excuse me for falling to the same level as "nevermind". But I just wanted to say... F**k off you obnoxious twat!
LAR:
never,
"You're.............is it?" Ha ha Ha ha!!!!! Too funny! Your words made me laugh! :)
Rock on dude
Western women don't think about marriage right away. (for the most part). But Chinese women do, most of them get pretty serious, pretty quick so be aware of that, or make things clear before dating if you are not in a rush to get hitched.
Also, keep in mind that you will be liked and shown interest by many other girls in the near future. There may be another one just around the corner that will get your heart pumping moreso. Also, dating/screwing a girl that you work with is playing with fire.
She may be the one for you, but be cautious. Play safe.
DaveP84:
Yep that's good advice. I think I will leave it and let nature take its course. if its meant to be, then it will happen in its own time. With some gentle nudges in the right direction on my part of course.
The difference with western women and Chinese women is Chinese women can have really really bad tempers and are not as mature for what ever age they may be (often/not always) so if she is 20, then think 13.
JungleLife:
Bad tempers indeed, I don't know how to put those fires out yet.
I like your equation of: 20- think 13. I think the 13 is constant regardless of their age.
LAR:
"I...............age." Ha ha!! Well said Jungle!! I agree!! lol! There are Chinese females in their 30's,40's and 50's that are just as immature and annoying! I and many others speak from personal experience! :(
Don't listen to anyone else advice. She's your work colleague. Just don't do it. Or do it, wait until things turn sour and then come back and say "Oh Xunliang, you were right...."
crimochina:
if she is special to him and no one else interests him then why not? you can always find another job. that special woman is priceless. so it is worth a shot
Listen to xunliang's advice. Getting involved with a workmate is a recipe for misery. Chinese girls are notoriously immature. Relationships usually don't last long, especially if it is your first. After the breakup, then what? Many uncomfortable moments at work together until your contract runs out? Stalking? Sa Jiao every day at work? Hate mail and rumors? Really think seriously if you want to experience these things. There is a really good reason office romances are discouraged by most companies. It can turn the place where you work into a sort of hell.
It is very common that western guys arrive in China and feel super stars. Just take your time try to avoid those girls who want your money, girls in China also understand love in another way very different.
Dave, just go for it, but take it slow so you don't slam into the cultural differences too hard. The biggest similarity between Western and Chinese women is that they are impossible to understand.
MissA:
We're perfectly simple to understand, if you use a little logic!
Also just a hint, think about the repercussions if you are dating a girl who works in the same school as you, and things go sour.... "don't shit where you eat".
Scandinavian:
"don't shit where you eat" is advice never understood in the village
Hey Dave,
I'd like to give you some suggestions since I am a Chinese woman who married a westerner.
First,as You said,you just arrived here less than 1 month,that's really a short time,give yourself more time to get to know about China and Chinese girls better as things are so different here compared with England.
Second,If you really like that Chinese girl,be friend with her first and see how it goes,and try to get to know her better like you did back home,That's what most Chinese girls like especially Nice Chinese girls.we like to take things slow.
Yes,Most Chinese girls(especially the nice ones) are looking for a serious relationship possibly marriage,that's different between Chinese girls and Western girls,so,If You are looking for fun,not a serious relationship,You'd better just looking for a club girl ,a single mother or a divorced woman.I am sure some of them are fine with that especially for CLUB GIRLS,,but you have to be careful with these girls.It does not mean that they are all bad girls,still a few nice girls around.
Third,Hunan girls are nice,they have a good reputation in China,two of my best friends are from Hunan,They are just so friendly and nice.In general,Girls from Sichuan and Shanghai have a bad reputation in China .some Chinese guys will just avoid to date them.but guys from the two places are cool.
Fourth,If a girl asks you to buy a house or a car for her who you just have been with a few months,all you need to do is to dump her straight away,,she's just a material girl. a nice girl won't ask you things that but let you to decide what you want to give her,a kiss or a hug LOL JK.
Good luck.
Hulk:
You had me until this:
"Hunan girls are nice,they have a good reputation in China"
???????????????????????????????????????
EVERYONE warned me to stay away from Hunan (no, not Henan) people from the beginning, and that I'd be better off avoiding Hunan altogether. While they were horribly correct in, they weren't right about my wife.
Here's an upvote anyway. 
maggiegirly:
In General,Hunan girls have a good reputation in China. a lot of people know that.Otherwise,you would not married a Huan girl Isn't it? I am not sure how come you had such a bad experience in Changsha or you just had a bad luck that you met all the bad ones except the wife,I feel sorry for that.
I go to Changsha every year and I always have a good time there,To me,Hunan seems like my hometown,No difference.and I took my husband to Changsha in 2011,He enjoyed it and would like to explore there more.yes,one thing he felt a bit strange's,a lot of people there just looked at him or even asked him to take a photo with them,cause they barely see a foreigner there,that's the reason.Why not,give them a chance.
In the end,I wanna say,every place has good and bad girls,more or less,that's the point.
Hulk,one of your post said Guangzhou's so nice for everything and you wanted to move here so much.Don't expect too much,things would probably not like what you expected once you stay here for more time.
Hulk:
I agree, but those who talked about Hunan people having a good reputation are all liars/Hunan people/those without much experience. I liked Guangzhou, but I like another place even more than that. I'm living there now.
And yes, you're right that once you stay in one place long enough, it seems a lot different. I have to question anyone who actually enjoys Changsha, because even the locals often told me they hated it there, and disliked the people.
Just ask her out Dave you have to try...besides if you wait for too long someone else might swoop in and take that chance away from you. Be patient but don't be too patient take your opportunity and run with it! (
! 
3 weeks, how you doing? Status report Mr Sulu. Think about that one?
Were dating, its going well and we are keeping it professional in the work place. Well she is, I can't keep my hands off of her.
DaveP84:
Read it again... Tell where it says "out"... Because I am sure I never wrote that. I think you are the creepy one.
Hey Dave,
You are not marrying the girl that you should think about it. Just start being friends. The problem however, is the expectation of the girl. Best to go slow and steady, as some of these Chinese girls do have terrible and disgusting tempers.
Take it easy my friend.
