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Q: Chinese girlfriend inviting her friends out for dinner and expect you to pay?

It happened during a few relationships with Chinese girls. She would choose a nice place to eat, and when I agree to go with her, she would then ask if it's ok to bring her female friend. And of course the understatement is that I am supposed to pay. I didn't mind paying the other few times since it wasn't that expensive, but this is happening again in this new relationship and I am getting fed up. It seems like it's a pattern with those girls. What's up with those habits? I am not their friend's boyfriend or father

 

EDIT:  I might have not explained the situation totally well. When it comes to spending money between us two, there's no problem. We treat each other out for dinner, and I almost never buy her gifts (I am a stingy bastard).

The specific issue that I have is the particular situation I explained in my question above. Let me try to explain in more details: That particular situation has occurred in different relationships with Chinese girls. However, it would only happen once per relationship, but with the same pattern: She would expect me to invite her good friend or cousin out for dinner AFTER I agree to go out for the meal. The friend or cousin does invite us back later on, and I wouldn't have minded if the girlfriend first said that she would want her friend/cousin to come with us, and then both decide on the place to eat, just like normal people would do. But what is the source of my irritation is the way  she plans it, which seems like she's trying to trick me into first thinking that's it's only us going at a nice restaurant, but then announces the surprise.

10 years 41 weeks ago in  Culture - China

 
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Comments (7)
Posts: 1876

Emperor

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You da man...it's all part of the process here...suck it up and pay. You have to impress her friends (within reason) and family (the horror, the horror) before the relationship can advance. Hell, what are you, Dutch?

crimochina:

part of the process? if all you have to offer is money then yes, it is the process. 

10 years 40 weeks ago
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Sinobear:

Yay! I got more thumbs down than Silva!

10 years 40 weeks ago
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10 years 41 weeks ago
 
Posts: 1838

Emperor

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Well Justin, if you want to get further in, you might have to bite the bullet on this one. Otherwise Justin may become even less in than before. wink

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10 years 41 weeks ago
 
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My wife never did that. My crazy ex girlfriends also never did that. In fact, I've never even heard of it here. My advice is to tell her you're not the Bank of China, and that your money is yours, not her friend's. If she throws a fit, throw her a curb.

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10 years 41 weeks ago
 
Posts: 253

Shifu

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Yeah, as Hulk says, it sounds to me your "girlfriends" found a "broken ATM machine" that they use to cash out and have a good time whenever they want.  You need to grow some balls and tell her your cash is limited, not from a damn money tree  You need to tell her you can't afford to pay for her friends everytime and want her friends to split the bill!  If she reacts badly, it means she only wants you for your money and laowai status and nothing more. If you are afraid she'll leave you because the ATM is now closed, well, there are plenty of other good lays in China who don't ask for as much from you.

GuilinRaf:

Very well said!!!

10 years 38 weeks ago
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10 years 41 weeks ago
 
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I live by the concept that the inviter pays. Seems to generally work in China too. 

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10 years 41 weeks ago
 
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My girl friend is poor, she gets by, but not at a level I would want to live at. That said I think we have too many welfare cases at home who enjoy living in filth. My GF doesn't live that bad. She has never asked me for things or money. I do pay for the meals, but I don't think its abused. I have to insist on eating in a nice restaurant at least once a week. I think it is the mans place to provide. I only rarely ate with her friends.

99Silva:

Wow, you just shared your life story with us. indecision

10 years 40 weeks ago
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TedDBayer:

At least I have one.

10 years 40 weeks ago
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10 years 41 weeks ago
 
Posts: 2

General

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not all of chinese girls with that.but most of them.i'm sorry to tell u that.take it easy.man.once u find your future gf has that habit,u gotta talk with her.tell her how u feel.i guess everything will be fine.

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10 years 41 weeks ago
 
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that means she's a gold digger. 

normal girls will offer to pay or go "A A"

GuilinRaf:

Or at the very least will say "my good friend(s) will join  us" before arriving at the rest.aurant.

10 years 38 weeks ago
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10 years 40 weeks ago
 
Posts: 213

Governor

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Yeah, like all of the others have said, you need to tell her and tell her quickly.  Alternatively, the next time it happens, if you you know it is happening in advance, simply forget your wallet!  It sure as hell won't happen again!

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10 years 40 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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Damn it!

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10 years 40 weeks ago
 
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My first Chinese GF did that to me, she set up a room in a restaurant, invited her girlfriends, and brought me and I had to pay about 900 Rmb for a dinner party of 18 persons.  But in all honestrly, it wasn't that bad, because each one of those present either invited us out for dinner on their money, or to their homes for a home cooked meal.  So, yes, I had to paid 900 Rmb, but eat free for about 2 weeks afterwards.  Now, if you are not getting the reciprocal invite, then they are all a bunch of gold diggers, taking advantage of the "millionaire" foreigner.

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10 years 40 weeks ago
 
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Seems like I didn't explain myself correctly in my initial post, sorry about that. I've updated it.

dandmcd:

Seems you need to just talk to her about your feelings, and make it a rule that if  you 2 go out on a date or whatever that no friends can be invited after you've already agreed to go somewhere together.  If she wants to have a night once every couple weeks where she can bring some friends along, tell her she must tell you beforehand and plan it at least a day ahead.

10 years 40 weeks ago
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10 years 40 weeks ago
 
Posts: 194

Shifu

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This habit annoys me too but it's not just with girlfriends. The same thing is expected of you when you have a birthday party, when you ask a friend to join you at a bar or in the cinema. Basically you're expected to foot the bill for any invite you make to anyone Chinese. Ive gotten invited to dinners by friends many times with the bill coming to over 1000 kuai. Guilty about this, I've also invited these people out for dinner or drinks and have spent huge chunks of my meagre earnings on this cultural habit. Im now starting to loathe dinner invites because i cant always leeche off the generosity of others and must also invite them out too...my wallet can't handle it!

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10 years 40 weeks ago
 
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