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Q: Chinese men are the worst
I am just having holiday at home. My Dad told me to wash his underwear just a while ago.I got really pissed and told it's something about privacy and he shouldn't ask his own daughter to wash. But Dad got mad at me shouting: Why you can't wash?
Yesterday I helpped wash his underwear because I saw my mom was washing his but my mom just had surgery a month ago. So I took it and washed.
Today my Dad just really pissed me off.
My mom seem dare not to say no to him. It made him fucking aggressive and treat my mom likes shit.
Everytime he would just come home from work, had dinner, beer then went straight to watch TV. Rarely He will help with dish washing, he never wash his own clothes including his underwear.
If he's busy I can help wash his cloth but definetely not underwear. It disgusts me.
Some may laugh saying that I am shaming my family in public. But he doesn't deserve my respect for telling me to wash his own underwear.
Not just my Dad, most Chinese men are like that. They believe housework is women's responsibly. To them, wife and daughter are free labour force.
I just feel angry that most Chinese women buy that shit.
I can't marry someone doesn't respect me otherwise no point to get married for getting saved.
It's not that the men are bad. you are looking from a female's perspective and see only fault in the opposite gender.
Women in China are extremely selfish too. They expect dowries and traditionalism, then they cheat the rules by continuing to send money to their own parents. They expect the husband to hand over all (most) of the salary, them want to make all the household decisions from purchases to child raising.
They shirk responsibilities and clash to get their partner to take them over, and at the same time they defend their priviliges fiercely. There is no sense of cooperation among Chinese, even in the family. They use eachother.
Sometimes the woman wins, sometimes the man wins. I have not seen any relationships on equal terms in China.
Mateusz:
Shhhh... we're only supposed to acknowledge the flaws in men. Women are perfect and flawless. Otherwise, it's misogyny.
im going to have a think about this some more before i give a more detailed answer however I do understand what you are saying but this is not confined to Chinese men .
be back later .
in the mean time go for a walk in your home town and catch up with friends
Yes, China is (and has been for a VERY long time) extremely patriarchal and misogynistic! I'm surprised you're not used to it.
How to change it?
Well - don't wash his underwear! Tell him you (and your mum) are not his slaves. (his next retort will be something about having paid to bring you up, house you and feed you, put you through college, etc). To which, your reply ought to be "yes, I'm grateful for that, so show me some respect by asking me to help you with the things that show you have some real love and respect for ME as a person - NOT as your slave".
Better yet - buy a washing machine!
Viki87:
He washed his own underwear eventually. But my mom told I was wrong.
Damn, to me I think underwear us a private thing only yourself or ur wife can help wash. If my Dad is ill, surely I will help wash it.
Viki87:
Even most Chinese women are fine to do it. I think this country is just full of bullshit.
I am am happy that I can make money for living to be able to decide my own life.
Most married Chinese women have a low IQ problem. They can only believe what the male dominated society told them.
You know what my mom is now blaming on for refusing to wash my Dad's underwear. I think she's silly. She doesn't understand things.
She just follows me around everytime I am at home blaming on me repeatedly for things she doesn't like on me like wash plates in a way she doesn't like or I don't want to dress well at home(Instead now I am laying on floor relaxing). Feeling so annoyed with my mom now....
Superman come to rescue me.
lumping a whole nation of men into one sad situation with your Father is not right.
I know quite a few real nice middle class men in China....lower middle class ... guys that work hard for their 3-4-5000 per month and have great respect for their wives and their families and their children..(yes here the 1 child thing is kind of non existent).
I know these guys and I only been here a few years, why don't you?
retiredinchina:
I'm glad there are some men like this, I have done business here off an on for 20 years, I can only think of about 8 men that fit that category. I can only think of 2 single Chinese men that I would even introduce to a single female.
BHGAL:
I admit that the few I have met are probably few and far between. I lucked in to meeting a good family. no money, but admirable dreams..... and a father and a GRANDFATHER that had a dream.... they are dead now.... but wow did they ever inspire the family and the community to the future. a truly inspirational story for me and I am sure it is not the only one in a community of 1.3billion.
Shining_brow:
Viki - they're BOTH saying most Chinese men are... but they want to stand up for those (obviously very few) who aren't like that.
BHGAL:
while my blab may have insinuated that there are few "good men" in China, I honestly do not believe that.... there a re lots and lots and lots of good Chinese men in China.....a good woman (VIKI) should be able to find a right honorable man of whatever color she pleases.
I agree with you 100%. I know about that innate biological drive (or is it just a more simple assimilation of our own biological progeny?) that is supposed to, or in fact does, connect us with our 'family', but you also have to know when to recognize that you are your own person and just to pull the plug when the time comes.
Granted I come from a different background, but in some ways my traveling has shown me that all humans are the same fundamentally and I totally understand your not identifying with/desiring your past/initial up-bringing way of life any longer.
*side note: you are right,,, in most any Western country to ask anyone, especially your own child, to launder your u/w would be looked upon as some sort of weird psycho perversion.
It seems there is a bit of a culture clash going on between you and the rest of your family. You have learned and adopted some western values, whereas your family is still clinging to the old way of life. Being a Chinese family, you probably won't have a chance; to win all the arguments, unless you disavow your family and just not see them anymore. However, we all know you are unable to do this; you are Chinese after all and your family is important.
You always complain about your dad,your mom,your sister etc etc except yourself. you are always right...yeah, you are right.
washing underwear for your dad seems quite weird,never heard that kind of thing,not sure where you got the conclusion that most Chinese women just take it. (probably women born in 1960s.)
Did somebody just air their dirty laundry on this forum ?! **Ba-Da-Bing** aka rimshot.
Ah Viki, dont get your panties in a wad...hehe. Cheers
well,that's explains why ''they'' dislike you.......To be honest,posting these private awkward wouldn't get you any new attraction,especially with a nationality label...Unable to accept your family?Why couldn't you afford your own living rather than stay with your parents? Go get a rich white guy,offer him a sex(get pregnant is best),that's best solution.
Shining_brow:
"?Why couldn't you afford your own living rather than stay with your parents?"
You're new here, so you've missed the Vicki story.
She does live on her own ... in Shanghai. She went back to her hometown for the holidays.
Englteachted:
Shining: Why aare you wasting your time with a troll? Protect Chinese traditional values of daughters washing their fathers underwear.
what's wrong with people now days ! giving blow job for boyfriend is acceptable but washing an underwear for dad is perversion !
you should appreciate your parents and appreciate your culture in order to gain yourself respect, as guys said here there are a lot of middle class Chinese men who strive all day for their families and they help their wives in the kitchen , they are not bad.
It's not that the men are bad. you are looking from a female's perspective and see only fault in the opposite gender.
Women in China are extremely selfish too. They expect dowries and traditionalism, then they cheat the rules by continuing to send money to their own parents. They expect the husband to hand over all (most) of the salary, them want to make all the household decisions from purchases to child raising.
They shirk responsibilities and clash to get their partner to take them over, and at the same time they defend their priviliges fiercely. There is no sense of cooperation among Chinese, even in the family. They use eachother.
Sometimes the woman wins, sometimes the man wins. I have not seen any relationships on equal terms in China.
Mateusz:
Shhhh... we're only supposed to acknowledge the flaws in men. Women are perfect and flawless. Otherwise, it's misogyny.
I'm curious about what stains made washing underwear so difficult? Just use chopsticks to pick them up and drop them in washing machine. Wash them with too much soap and don't rinse. They dry like cardboard. 
TedDBayer:
I've been mostly in Philippines, almost got married.I was thinking of going to China last winter,maybe next year.
another little FYI
I had a guy stay here for a week+ at my home... he paid money..... my Chinese wife asked me to ask him not to put his underwear in the washing machine, but to wash it by hand.
I was a little confused, still am, because my boxers go in the machine.
I suspect though that she does my and her g-strings by hand.
obviously I did not advise the guy of the restrictions and all went well.
you figure the rational out, I can't
Stiggs:
Yeah I've been told that "as everyone knows you can't put underwear in the washing machine" , it's supposed to be unhygienic or something.
My girlfriend washes hers by hand and is probably quietly appalled I don't.
xinyuren:
My wife did this too. I think its just another case of peasants not understanding technology.
Shining_brow:
Spitting, pissing and spitting on the streets and inside buildings (trains, subways, shops) is fine..
But washing underwear in a machine is not...
Now, someone explain THAT to me!
If your mother doesn't work and your father works, then why should your father be expected to do two jobs? The poor man comes home from a hard day at work, can't be relax in front of the TV for a while? He ain't no donkey!
And if your mother is a housewife then let it be, if that's what she wants to do then that's what she can do. If you feel bad about your mother having an operation then help her out! Your fathers older then you, show him a bit of respect.
It's YOU who's the worst, your father and mother have spent their entire lives raising you, sacrificing so much! FOR YOU! and you go on the internet and bash them? Your an awful person.
Well, I agree that Chinese men leave a lot to be desired after having lived in the country for a decade but your father is from a certain group that just had their own set of traditions.
You may not agree to them but it is very unlikely your father is going to change now. It is good that you stand your ground on things you find unacceptable... did you have to hand wash them? If that is the case (and I am guessing it is), I would tell him to go fuck himself haha.
