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anonymous
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Q: Is the cultural gap really that wide between a mixed couple?

Just wondering - people always go on about how difficult it is. Anyone have some personal experience of how this might be a problem?

12 years 43 weeks ago in  Relationships - China

 
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Shifu

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Firstly, what is the mix?

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12 years 42 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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I'm American, she's Chinese.

I'm planned to meet her family shortly, and I can sense on my girlfriend's part is stressing her out big time.

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12 years 42 weeks ago
 
Posts: 362

Shifu

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Never underestimate teh power of peer pressure, said Abraham Lincoln before the battle of Gettysburg. Cultural gap may not be an issue, but pressure from outside teh couple can make for up and down. Liek a rollercoaster. If it's well oiled and teh rails are as slippery as a sludge on a rainy day, it turns out fun. If not, it might get stuck and you might need technicians to come forth for repairs.

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12 years 40 weeks ago

Getting halp from moar and moar people is like spin-o-rama high-fiving new friends on answers.echinacities.com with a tip of the hat finishing move.

 
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Shifu

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depends on you two .

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12 years 40 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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Even two from defferent parts of China will having culture problem. No wonder from two countries.

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12 years 39 weeks ago
 
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ABSOLUTELY TRUE!

Just look at the divorce rate in same culture marriages.

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12 years 39 weeks ago
 
Posts: 650

Shifu

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Even too people from the same city, have same back ground may have different way of thinking, not only because of culture difference.

When I said to someone I cannot be with u, cause we r too different, culture gap is too huge, he asked me why two Chinese get divorce too?

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12 years 39 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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yes the back ground will clash at a stage in there relationship do not need it.

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12 years 39 weeks ago
 
Posts: 42

Governor

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it's a big gap mand it takes work on both parts. You wouldn't be together if you were looking for something normal and easy though would you?

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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it's a big gap and it takes work on both parts to be happy and understanding. You wouldn't be together if you were looking for something normal and easy though would you?

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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I didn't feel almost any of that with my Chinese GF....except for the part that she was a clean freak...an obsessive one, which did get on my nerves (but she did laugh a lot when I teased her about it) Tongue

I come from a post-communist Balkan country and I find a lot of similarities between our countries...maybe that's why it went pretty smooth.

Moving to a new city now though (Ningbo>Xiamen). Anyone from XM on here? Cool

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12 years 33 weeks ago
 
Posts: 9192

Emperor

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I don't see why there should be any problems. You are not giving the Chinese women enough credit.
All Asian women have always made the family work in harmony. In the past they often walk behind their husband as a sign of respect. Now in modern times in places like Cambodia , the women walk ahead of the husband to look for land mines. I suspect that when the women walked behind that had something to do with tigers. Smile Smile

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12 years 32 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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Yes and no.

Often times it's not the big things you'd expect which cause problems in mixed cultural marriages. From my experience it's often been little things which have caused issues. Overall though, as long as you're open-minded and minimally interested in Chinese culture, you can work things out. After that, the problems emerge when you decide where to live.

Also, dealing with step-parents can be a nightmare. At the beginning of my relationship with my girlfriend, I had her father try to talk to me, fail (I couldn't speak a word of Chinese at the time) and then jokingly call me an idiot. Mostly though, you'll get a lot of pressure (and more importantly, your Chinese partner will get a lot of pressure) from Chinese parents. I think they're the real anchor in a mixed couple's relationship.

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12 years 30 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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Cultural gaps are only a problem if you let them become a problem. Interracial relationships require a great deal of patience and an even temper. Most people don't have what it takes to make it work.

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12 years 30 weeks ago
 
Posts: 461

Shifu

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Yes cultural gap is a big problem in a couple, especially if the man is Westerner and the woman is Chinese.....
I have met many of these kind of couples who often show that everything is perfect, and then behind you can hear the real story of their life.
As for my couple, also a mixed couple, I believe that the two things that keep us together are our child and the mutual respect. When I say "mutual respect", I mean that she can call me an idiot or get angry at me, as much as I can call her "stupid".
Another thing, we try to put aside what one may call "traditions"...

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12 years 30 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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It definitely depends on the couple and the cultures of each. People from two extremely different cultures may find it hard to accomodate the other partner's habits. Patience and accepting that the other person has a different background than you are crucial in making a relationship work. Also, respect for each other is important.

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12 years 29 weeks ago
 
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Shifu

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Of course there will be problems....

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12 years 29 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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There is aways a problem. White, Black. Tall, Short. Rich, Poor. Smart, Not so smart. American not American. Blond, brunette. ?What was the question again?

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12 years 16 weeks ago
 
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Governor

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There is aways a problem. White, Black. Tall, Short. Rich, Poor. Smart, Not so smart. American not American. Blond, brunette. ?What was the question again?

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12 years 16 weeks ago
 
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