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Q: Darn,, I'm screwed,,, in a bad way....
I know this isn't really a question. Darn sure isn't about Chiner. But,,,,,,, if Admin will allow this to become a friggin' advice site....
I'm in a deep, deep hole. gf (we live in chiner, (she is Chinese, I'm US) is talking totally about marrying,, even birthing a rug-rat,,,,,, like saying all those weird things girls say,,, true love,,, forever,,, money don't matter,,, family loves each other,,, age don't matter........ So,, wtf is Marriage ?? I did that twice,, long time each time.... ummmm,,,, if I know girls,,, she would want me to quit getting drunk,, quit perving on other girls,,, what are we supposed to do ?? Do they think some kind of 'Brady Bunch' scenario' ?? Darn,,,,,,,, why can't a girl just hang-out ?? I truly do like her,,, but is it unreasonable to wanna also wanna continue just being an ass? Am I supposed to become Brady Bunch guy ?? wtf. is she supposed to bitch me out if I drink? what are we supposed to do? cook foood? go to the fkng cinema? (which I hate). Darn,, how did I back myself up into this... :-( :-(
10 years 38 weeks ago in Family & Kids - China
"NO why?" is the answer to everything. It is my version of Al Bundy's ''NO MAAM'' club, that was Men Against Amazonian Masterhood. In China it's Nánrén duì jīngqiǎo, which doesn't spell anything.
diverdude1:
haha nan ren dui jiang shao... perfect.... I'll tell her that...
Both of you have different goals. She wants to marry and have children while you do not.
I hate to say it but, the decent thing here to do is to break up with her so she can find someone who has the same plans and expectations she does. This will allow you to find someone you can just "hang out " with, just make it clear to her from day one that marriage is not in the cards
Hulk:
This is the best advice in the thread. Never do what you don't want to do.
Take it from me. I've been in this situation before with an ex, but the difference was that SHE didn't want kids. What a colossal nightmare it turned out to be. I stayed with her just because I felt bad, and tried to make things work out...
Don't do it if you don't want to. Do NOT force yourself to do it either. Just leave her. If she's looking to settle down, then it's the best thing to do so she can find what she's looking for.
diverdude1:
well, I agree with you. I've just been weak-kneed telling her it's over. but u are right. I like her,,,, but u r right... I feel like an ass misleading her... soooooo, calling it quits is best for both. :-(
firstly you know that the Brady Bunch Guy was Gay right? as for the rest of it , I guess to each their own. I was married 16years first time and so far 7years this time .And I am happy being the Guy with the blended family ! Doesn't mean it is right for every Guy. hope you work it out or find a good shovel
diverdude1:
wow,, nope, didn't know.. actually haven't watched or thought about that show since the '70's.
GuilinRaf:
Didnt the actress who played the mom have an affair with the actor that played the older son?
tell her you still need your space to be a man. let her know, you will not sleep with other women. and tht she should not try to control you. any hint that she wants to control you, find sb else.
diverdude1:
good advice, thx. so far she hasn't gone done the 'control' route. hope to hell she never does....
crimochina:
chinese women are very tolerant. at least the women i met
I'll add: if you want to find a Chinese girlfriend, 99% of the time you'll encounter 1 of 2 things:
1) She'll want to get married and have kids. This is almost every Chinese girl's dream.
2) She'll leave you if she can't get #1, or if her family doesn't approve of you.
Be realistic. If you want a girlfriend now, you need to go for more open/different women, and not Chinese girls unless they're older. Even then, they'll probably want to be married.
Even if they don't want to get married and have kids, most of the time family pressure will win out. In my opinion, China isn't a good place to look for a temporary partner.
If you don't want to marry her, end it. It's not fair to her otherwise.
What did you end up doing DiverDude1?
diverdude1:
I came out and told her exactly how I felt and what I was hoping to have (open relationship, no kids, no marriage , or if marriage, then no changes in life-style unless we wanted, that is no pressure from the other) she accepted all of it. But we both know she is keeping her eye open for her version of Mr. Right. We are kinda like Very Close Friends who date now.
reminds me of some movie I watched a long time ago where the 2 main characters were like this and they had a bargain they would marry if all else failed and time felt like it was running out.
(and I never hid from her my playboy status/desire,, so, not Stealth)
Your question should be like that;
I like her a bit, she likes me to the core(bitch). I just want to sleep with her but she is looking for a long term relationship which I am not going to do. I want to hang out for a while and she wants a long drive. I am a dude and she should be a bitch. Apologies for that but you seem like a playboy in 'stealth'.
What is it about marriage that you're not enthusiastic about?
It does have it's ups and downs but, after all, that's life.
Seems to me that love and commitment are good things. And having a life partner is very fulfilling and comforting.
As you concede she is just biding her time now, are you doing the same thing, or do you envisage a lifetime of singledom with no real sense of commitment?
Not saying that's a bad thing, just asking.
diverdude1:
I just know myself,,, I do like the idea of a Close Special Partner,,,, someone to be Soul Mates with,,,,, yes, I truly believe in the concept of Soul Mates.
I just know myself well enuf to know that I'm not going to stop desiring to tag other feminine-type hotnesses and I don't wanna give up cerveza.
rare to find a girl who'll truly put-up with this behavior.
