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Q: Dating Chinese guy
I met a Chinese guy I liked and went on a few 'dates', but he is insisting i behave like a porn star (which i refuse to do). This makes him angry and he is behaving like a spoiled child, telling me I am selfish. Am going to break up with him. Ladies, any similar experiences? Guys (also Chinese guys) what do you think?
10 years 50 weeks ago in Relationships - China
Can you give some examples of what he wants you to do.
Chinese regard foreign women as whores. Remember this fact when evaluating your next Chinese beau
All I can say is that a lot of guys in China are going to believe stereotypes and what they see on TV or in movies. Of course most women aren't like that, but you're going to run into that problem often. Just give up on him and find a better guy, there are nicer ones out there. I hope you have better luck next time.
sorrel:
thanks for your encouragement - believe me, I ran after this issue came up.
If a man doesn't respect you, it's time to dump him and find another. Do not get married to, or get engaged with a man who doesn't have any respect for you. It doesn't matter what his nationality is.
Go find someone who will respect you, or lose all your dignity -- and clothes! -- for someone who will leave you at the drop of a hat once he finds someone better. It's clear he only wants one thing from you -- your southhole( s ), and possibly your northhole -- and doesn't care about you as a person.
Move on. That's what I think.
sorrel:
I know most guys here only learn about sex through porn sites and therefore have little respect for women, which is why I held off having any until I had a clear idea what his 'Modus operandi was. I found out and have broken up with him double quick ! was shouted at in a mixture of english and chinese for my trouble. the lack of maturity here would be depressing if it wasn't so laughable - ha ha
sorrel:
thankfully no loss of dignity (or anything else on my part) ;o) just ****** off at his childish tantrum when I gave him my honest opinion
Depends on how you define "behave like a pornstar". Some guys are good at sex and some aren't, clearly this one is not if he gets angry at your refusal. But if you find someone who approaches the issue respectfully like an adult and makes your enjoyment and comfort levels priority, don't be too quick to say no to trying new things. Something to think about.
sorret may i know where are you from?you must be hot lady
Scandinavian:
hotness depends not on where you are from but what is on the inside.
where are you from, you must be 15 years old
My Chinese boy friend(not love one) read many weird stuff from their Chinese websites about foreign women all the time and ask me if it is true. According to him, a website said that foreign girls really like group sex, they are animals in bed and all kinds of immoral things.
Its in their head.they have been brain washed about foreign girls so when they meet us, they have all the weird stuff to ask you do.Its not like they really love you, they just want to have the wild experience.Chinese men will always remain with Chinese women.
i dated a few chinese guys and they were all nice. Of course they ask you questions but they have all respected me. They have dated or had foriegn girlfiends before so i think this helps
You ask this question because you still care about him and you do not want to break up with him. The bad guy seems to be more attractive, is this the essence of humanity?
sorrel:
his reaction was a big turn-off so I broke up with him. Has made me reluctant to date another Chinese guy
biodamon:
What a pity, there are so many good chinese guys out there.
Can you give some examples of what he wants you to do.
Chinese regard foreign women as whores. Remember this fact when evaluating your next Chinese beau
In comparison to how Chinese girls dress, this doesn't surprise me, especially if you think of one, how the local girls dress and two the foreign stereotype. I've always wondered, not only with girls here, but everywhere, some dress like a high collar prostitute yet are shocked when some one looks at them. It could be that he wants to show you off, but doesn't really sound like a good thing either way.
sorrel:
have always been a modest dresser, especially when compared to Chinese girls!!
Break up with him.
PS:There is the other Chinese guy in Shenzhen,single,171cm (not tall,i know),65kg,kind,polite,helpful,optimistic,i think he is better for you.
That's an idiot ! You can keep in touch with him only if you agree with his ideas, but I would give him a big big hand over his face ! Is what he deserving ! He just wants to make money and sex from you !
"Behave like a porn -star"
That can mean a lot of things!
For some girls, it could be that the man wants to perform oral sex on her.
For other girls, it may include livestock. Not sure which extreme you are referring to.
Oh man, BigDog With A Tie (now Pig in a Suit or Admin Answer) is gonna spank me.
Come to think of it, spanking could ALSO be "behaving like a porn star"....
GuilinRaf:
Thumbs down??!
Oh well. some girls think that if it aint "Missionary position" then it is perverted and or pornographic.....
sorrel:
;o) There is acceptable / fun sex, and then there is the things that are only porn sites show. I know the difference between adventurous and totally unacceptable, especially for a first time ! when men learn about sex only through porn and not through a healthy relationships there is a difference in their attitude to women
GuilinRaf:
I agree.
The whole premise of "consenting adults": is that both respect each others boundaries. Sometimes, one can be quite adventurous, but not on the first or second date. And, if something is completely repugnant to the partner, then the other partner should not insist.
sorrel:
it is probably just a symptom of Chinese men's attitudes to women, and their over-all lack of maturity! you live and learn ;o)
GuilinRaf:
Yes. A lot of boys will still prefer to play computer games at age 28 or 29 rather than go out with a woman. Seems like age 30 is the 'magic" age that they start to date (usually, under parental pressure). Not having any experience except what they have seen in "yellow movies" they do not really know what to do or how to behave.
Throw in the "Face" factor, which makes them unwilling to learn or even listen to their date and you have a very uncomfortable situation (especially for the girls).
when he's angry with what you refused him, he just wants you, not loves you. try to think about what you really need.
sorrel:
I dumped his sorry ass so quick it he didn't know what happened it was amusing to watch !
Big sigh. I just had to look at this post again after the recent thing about a Chinese guy interested in a foreign girl. Sorrel can you please tell us what he meant? I would love to know what was asked.
(And yes I know that means I'm not very grown up...)
sorrel:
in hind-sight I should not have posted because I don't puck and tell. And I have moved on from the whole unpleasant incident.
I just found this post and maybe I can give you some advice about understanding Chinese guys better..seems too late but at least may help you in the future.
I have to admit there are many stereotype impressions here about foreign girls,especially western girls.and most of those are totally wrong.but you can not realise that until you know them very well,right? think about that,you dont know Chinese people well until you spent a few years herewith various people,right?
so its easy to explain why many people have prejudices about you girls at first .but after that,I think you can communicate with him about those wrong impressions in suitable time.In china many couples,I mean Chinese man and Chinese woman also have these kind of problem.maybe man wanna try something new or,i dont know which word is suitable again-_- maybe wild?while woman feels being insulted.this is more about communication I think.but if you tell him you dont like that and dont wanna do that,then he insists,thats about respect.screw him.
however,stereotype is a really really horrible thing.so dont get a prejudice about we Chinese just because you met a horrible Chinese guy..that will be another stereotype like he did.
sorrel:
thanks for your post. it is a case of live and learn. The important thing is to learn from experience and try to overcome stereotypes. And because I don't want to appear like a certain other poster on this site, I have moved on !!
I have no experience with reverse rolls, but I know that Chinese people say a woman is with a foreigner for money. This is what they gossip and they gossip like crazy, can't believe this many people in China and no personal space. This puts tremendous pressure on women being with a foreign guy.
TedDBayer:
I can only imagine what the Chinese would gossip about a foreign woman being with a Chinese man, is it djangolee?
All this time I thought you were a guy.....funny! I would have never made you out to be a girl...anyways...........
99Silva:
also its not good to accuse people of things when you don't know...you're just following the same suit as the other one's that have become addicted to what they think they know.
the guy i dated said "love" word on the 3rd date and what's even worse,that he couldn't stop talking about marriage,babies stuff 
GuilinRaf:
Humor???!!!
Dont be fooled !
She is really a Romulan spy PRETENDING to be Vulcan!
Call Starfleet Security!!!1
GuilinRaf:
Um, about that call to Starfleet Security? Nevermind, Romulans dont have a real sense of humor.... 
There are definitely some Chinese mates that I know who are very deserving of having a girlfriend in the first place, nicest guys on the planet who have been cheated on and screwed over by their ex's. Then there are the few who want that 'White girl' who will flaunt it and go crazy on them (sexually). The one who usually likes to brag about eventually having sexual conquests with as many women as he can, the one who most likely has a few mental issues because of the lies he's told other people about women..
My girlfriend also gets angry with me when I am unable to perform like a pornstar.
It's a cruel old world...
GuilinRaf:
Lol!
Even Porn Stars cannot perform like porn stars in real life!
Hope you and your GF can find a nice middle ground that satisfies you both!
Hey guys! I have re read the post here, lets try to be a bit fair here!
In China, unlike US, Canada, Europe, etc. dating is not really encouraged among high school students. There is almost no sex education, and many parents are not comfortable talking about this (even in the West today!).
So, what is a young man to do?
When I was a kid, way back during the Carter Administration, we asked "Reymaldo" He was this big kid (a two time 6th grader as opposed to us 5th graders) who seemed to know all the answers (most of which were wrong, by t he way). Today, kids turn to the internet and find their information and misinformation there.
College or post college, they have very little dating experience, and what info they do have is a bit unrealistic.
Now, I am not saying that girls need to stand for or perform unrealistic expectations, only that many young men have little to no experience with these matters. Mistakes that we men make at 14 -17 are oftentimes made by men between 21-25. It is not their fault, it is simply that they have not had the same access to information or experience that we have in other countries.
Now, if after you have set your boundaries if the other person still does not respect them, then that is a different matter.
Oh, and let us not even think of same sex relationships, a topic that even in the West was taboo until quire recently. Even now, in the US of A, people are debating if they should or not be allowed to marry....
But that is a topic for another day.
I guess what I am trying to say is that in another generation or two, kids will be much more savy when it comes to sex. At this particular moment, they are stuck between the old ways and the new.
GOD! I am SO GLAD I am no longer a teenager!!!!!
Hi,
If you are in Shanghai and looking for someone suitable to get marry, give chance to me to see you and talk with you.
Regards
Jatin
Mr_spoon:
Did you create an account on the answer board JUST TO FIND A DATE?
There's a section of this website entirely dedicated to that.
Also, are you the guy who didn't "drink meat"?
prensoni0143:
Mr_Spoon : Well, I know about it.
Why don't I comment if someone's que or ans is related to it?
And you are right, I am the guy who never EAT meat, not drink meat. hehe
Victoria1987:
Don't talk marriage at fist place,you will scare her off.
What did he ask you to do? what's "behaving like a porn star"? whats that mean?
It has nothing to do with him being Chinese or whatever, it's just a guy thing. Again, it depends on what he asked to do...and again, I'm sure tons of girls have been asked by their bfs to do the same things as long as theres internet where they're from...
and again, I'm actually curious...what did he ask you to do that's this bad...
