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Q: Dating a government official's daugher...
My friend is in a tight spot.
His girlfriend is the daughter of a government official pretty high up on the pyramid. For example, her last boyfriend, French, cheated on her and her dad was able to make a call to get him on some list. He can't work in China for 5 years. My friend's girlfriend told my friend this last week. Terrifying.
He wants to break up with her for various reasons, but doesn't know how to go about it. He wants to stay in China lol
8 years 32 weeks ago in Relationships - China
He probably left it a little late to be thinking about this...
He probably left it a little late to be thinking about this...
Your friend - or one of his relatives (possibly preferable) - is about to get extremely sick, and he'll have to return home. It will be uncertain when (or if) he can ever return to China. (having to look after the sick relative is a good call at this stage).
dongbeiren:
good call, familly sickness is always a good excuse to get out of a shitty situation in China
earthizen:
Agree, the face principle, mainlanders at large don't want honesty, they want face.
That said, you need to consider her father's background, when he could access customs & immigration like that he also can easily find out if your friend has left china. Fake sick-leave is an all-china-known exit strategy, she may not believe it and has her father check it out. Also, prepare for what to say when your friend bump into her at godknowswhere. Should she feel cheated, your friend may end up the same as her ex-French bf. Ye know, "oh, Jesus raised me from the cemetery" wouldn't be convincing as Jesus isn't very popular around here. 
iWolf:
Mr Shining_brow you are perceptive as always.
The old "my father is sick so I must return to my hometown" excuse is solid gold.
My colleagues pull this one often and the boss asks no questions and simply agrees every time.
It is doubtful that daddy will give a shit. More likely he'd be happy that his daughter isn't going out with white trash.
If your buddy is really worried that they will check immigration records to see if he left then take a couple of weeks holiday in thailand or vietnam via HK.
blellow:
What if they bump into each other? Both are very social and run in the same circles...
lol
Hmm, tossing it up there, but what about a family excuse of "My parents refuse to allow me to have a serious relation with a Chinese, because I will need to eventually go back to take care of them" type excuse? I'm suggesting, since I hear Chinese girls who won't date non-Chinese due to their parents not allowing it, so maybe the dad would understand.
Also, the friend could claim to be torn between family and love, wanting to be with her, but having to obey parents, all that. No loss of face (relatively speaking), since it's not like he is dumping her.
Only problem is that if her dad would check if he got another Chinese girlfriend, but if he laied low for a while, and her dad didn't keep tabs for the rest of his life, it should be alright.
If the parents have told all the family and gossipy neighbors about him the loss of face for them will be bigger, and so will the level of vindictiveness because of that probably.
Why would you break up with her? I must have been in China too long because all I can think about is all the guanxi.
Lord_hanson:
All women are insane the main factor you have to work with is how insane.
This is going to sound strange but how would you (your friend) actually know this girl is indeed the daughter of a high ranking official? Usually in China, such a person has their future and marriage mapped out for them and what is being described sounds distinctly unlikely.
Could it be that this girl deliberately targets foreign males and uses the "I'm the daughter of ....... " as a cover in a scam and/or as a threat?
blellow:
"such a person has their future and marriage mapped out for them" that's not true at all in today's China. Guanerdai with traditional parents (most government officials tend to be I guess) expect them to date a certain type of people, but they're aren't getting married off or anything like that lol. Where are you getting that from?
As far her lying...I doubt it. I know here pretty well, and don't see her as the kind of person that could keep her story straight for that long.
Introduce the girl to a better looking foreign guy, and say the guy is the son of a governor in some foreign country. Chinese like to look for people with similar backgrounds/ upbringing... she'll be gone within a week if the guy is good looking enough haha
Your friend should start hitting on her father now, after that short 'foreplay' with his daughter.
Fake an STD test result that says you have HPV, and she should get tested. If she tests negative, you can dump her out of, "concern for her health and safety." HPV can lead to ovarian cancer you know. If she tests positive you can dump her for giving you an STD. She won't dare tell her father that's the reason.
That started out as a joke but it might actually work.
Shining_brow:
Could backfire, and she gets really angry... and tells daddy any BS reason to get back at him... Best case scenario, he gets kicked out of the country. Worst - he spends a few months in a hospital... or not 
WooMow:
I suppose you're right, could be risky.
Funny, no one suggested having a civil conversation with her about why things aren't working out, and ending it as politely as possible. Could be just as risky.
You guys are hilarious, but worthless hahaha
I don't want my friend to get kickd out!
How about this - he could just man up and tell her?!
We often hear stories about how crazy and manipulative people can be in China and how they are sick of being lied to. What right to we have to bitch and moan if we can't be honest?
I'm not saying be cruel or be mean to her but he should at least be able to explain things to her in such a way that she doesn't get his ass sent on the next flight home.
Edited to add - Good Luck!
Although this is mildly amusing, the first thing that is apparent is that this mystery girl sounds like she dates a few foreigners. This is probably to piss her dad off.
The comment was made that being from a privileged government family, her future would be mapped out. I would accept this as likely. So it appears she is just playing with the foreign boys until dad says it is time to get serious and marry an acceptable choice and pretend to be a virgin.
As a serial dater of foreigen boys, she is used to breakups that she knows are inevitable. Hence, the reasons why she chooses foreigners. Some fun, no commitment.
As andyinshenyang said, man up and just tell her. Seriously, do you think daddy will take a break from baijiu meetings and ktv to worry too much that his princess broke up with a foreigner?? Nahhh, if it even blips on his radar, he'll be happy.
She may even appreciate hearing it straight after she calms down from the loss of face at being dumped by a laowai. Tell you mate to tell her straight, delete/block wechat & phone numbers and forget about the daddy factor.
She's been there a hundred times and of course she's probably already got one or two or more on the side anyway.
Three little words
I am Gay .....
By Homer Simpson in the Grapobale and Woodrow episode 
It i Sad I know this much detail 
He could propose to her! I'm sure that will probably end the relationship pretty quick! (cos daddy will say so 
)
Just call her bluff.
Start to talk about the flies and tiger campaign and ask her why daddy has x number of flash motors when Government officials wages are actually quite low.
Ha ha, if you download the anti graft app to your phone you will be out quicker than a candle in a hurricane.
But seriously, if any girl said something like that to me, I would just stand up and say bye bye. I would hope never to be a pawn in some persons power games.
