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Q: Dinner with a friend of the opposite sex = big no no?
Any double standards in China when it comes to eating with friends of the opposite sex? My girlfriend, Chinese, sometimes eats dinners with male friends of hers, but is pissed and incredibly suspicious when I do the same (either here in China or back home). I'm guessing this isn't really a cultural thing and more of a girl thing.
Still, not a fan of the double standards. It doesn't seem normal to have a one on one dinner with a friend of the opposite sex here, apparently.
If she's that paranoid, just don't tell her about it....or tell her you went out with a guy friend.
WhiteBear:
I wouldn't advise cheating... one - because it is cheating, two - because it can be discovered really soon with (un)predictable consequences
but off course it is always up to You
LAR:
WhiteBear,
It's not cheating. If a man says..like cooter said.."I'm going out with a guy friend"..when it's really a female friend then, that's lying/dishonesty.
cooter:
The little white lies seem to be all too common here in China, for want of saving face or whatever. So I think it's no problem to play their little game...
So sure, slightly dishonest, but hardly what I would term as cheating...
question is ... one on one dinner? or You/her and group of opposite sex friends?
one on one in Chinese tradition is (as far as I know) reserved to close relationship.
so even "let's go to eat KFC" if asked a person of opposite sex, and in meaning "one on one KFC" might be taken as invitation to intimate relation...
but dinner with the opposite sex friendS (edit: fiends of opposite sex... 
) seems not to be so "special"
btw. if that situation (dinner with bunch of fiends of mixed or opposite sex) happens regularly, and Your partner is not invited... it may seems a little suspicious in any society (not only China)
btw2. the difference between lunch and dinner is time... when lunch during "lunch break" with Your coworkers seems legit... dinner time is usually evening, and it is time for family, so this may change point of view a little...
If I am with a girl, having dinner with another girl would not even come into my mind unless it was for business purposes. I also wouldn't be with a girl who had dinner with other men alone, unless it was business, or a close friend from chidlhood, otherwise it just wouldn't be right.
Yeh, i'm kind of with Jungle Life on this. I wouldn't put restrictions on my wife having male friends but I wouldn't ignore it as I do her female friendships because, in my experience, male / female 'friendships' are rarely entirely innocent. There is usually one party or other who has ulterior motives or hidden feelings beyond simply being 'goodtime buddies'.
i never had any trouble having dinner with friends of the opposite sex. (one on one). if she only wants to go out with me with the security of one of her friends , that person is classified as an associate and i just will chat with them through qq occasionally and i will never grant their request for favors unless i owe them one.
\
your question is more specific to dating. again i must ask have any of you guys dated women before coming to china? it is the same with women from all different countries. some are trusting others are not.. if she wants to go out with her males friends but do not want you to go out with your female friends, then end the relationship. she is trying to be controlling. as i stated before this is not about culture.
dating 202 (requires some experience) : make everything clear at the beginning of the relationship what you expect and what you will not tolerate. i never had this problem , the second a women thinks she could tell me what to do is the second i tell her to find another guy.
most women i've dated in china are very trusting. the few that weren't ere usually up to something (same as with any other woman!)
LAR:
Excellent comments once again crimo. Again, we're talking about the importance of BOUNDARIES. They need to be stated clearly. If some gal starts acting like a control freak..she's out the door! If she has a problem with trust regarding me getting together with a female friend/associate for a meal/coffee/tea..she's out the door! Very simple. If she is nosey/highly insecure/distrustful and wants to check all my messages..know who I've been talking to,etc..relationship OVER!!!!!!!!!!! Man up guys!!!! * I read about a young man here on this website yesterday talking about how his Chin. gf wants to check all his SMS messages,etc. * COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kick her to the curb ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :(
crimochina:
damn straight lar. there are over 700,000 million women in this country. and handful of real men.
I had this happen to me once. I wanted to have dinner with a Chinese guy friend of mine and he agreed to go out with me. Then as soon as his "love interest" found out, the leash was tightened and he bowed out of our dinner together. Kind of sad, but I guess that has to do with the individual. If I had a significant other who did that to me, or start trying to be a control freak, that's when it all goes down and they need to head for the door.
